Our First Few Days

Isn't she adorable?! Let me tell you - E is absolutely beautiful inside and out. :)

We traveled in the car for a couple of days before arriving at home in Texas. We enjoyed getting to know E a little bit more before being immersed into every day life. For example, we became aware that a child her age is very concerned about whether or not restaurants and gas stations have Wi-Fi (lol)! Because, priorities. E has an Ipad that was given to her by other caregivers, so Carey and I have had to educate ourselves a bit on some of the fun aps she likes to play. We are lucky that E was already used to having her Ipad only at scheduled times, so we haven't received any push-back about technology yet. We've already discussed with her that she won't have a phone anytime soon but that she can earn trust by being responsible on her Ipad. You know, typical stuff you'd be addressing with any kid her age.

And E does her own laundry. Can we please just take a minute and talk about how awesome this is?! THE ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD DOES HER OWN LAUNDRY! And she likes naps just like the rest of us and can fall asleep almost anywhere. Not to mention that sometimes the exact words I would say come out of her mouth. Poor girl already acts a lot like Momma Leah...haha!

Something that has amazed me about E is her confidence and independence. She seems to be very in tune with who she is, what she is capable of, and what she wants. I am very glad that she is comfortable in her own skin, and I pray that confidence continues to grow even through her teenage years. Also, this girl knows her clothing style and sticks with it - she doesn't have time for inappropriate necklines, short lengths, or other revealing clothing. And, as a Momma, can I just say HALLELUJAH and PRAISE the Lord Jesus for that?!

But the most incredible thing I've witnessed is her compassion toward other children, most specifically Joseph and Daniel. She enjoys building tents, chasing the boys around the house, and being outside with them. Even today, when Joseph was having a crying fit because he desperately needed a nap, E gave him a little stuffed monkey and said, "Here Joe. When you are sad, hold this little monkey and think of something happy!" And the little bugger finally went to sleep. Carey and I agree that she has a calming presence on our entire family.

Today we visited a private Christian school for E. We had previously visited it while considering Joe's kindergarten enrollment, and so we visited again to see what E thought about it. The school is quite small, but it is very in touch with technology and new learning techniques. The lessons and quizzes for E's grade level are all on a computer program and she can work at her own pace (which she seems very excited about). And while most of the classes aren't in the traditional teacher-in-front-of-the-room style, there are a few courses where she would still be learning with other children. We were impressed to see how the teachers simply moved from one child's desk to another and spent one-on-one time with them. But the most important thing to us is that every subject matter is presented through the lens of the gospel, so there is constant spiritual application no matter what is being learned. However, E is not too happy about the knee-length skirts and other uniform items, but I have a feeling she'll get somewhat used to it... ;)

Lastly, we were surprised by an unexpected blessing while reviewing E's documents - we found BABY PICTURES! I had just accepted the fact that we would never have a baby picture of her, and then God, once again, did the impossible. What an awesome God we serve!

We appreciate your continued prayers. God is definitely at work in our family and we are thankful for your support!

Our Girl

We met E for the first time last weekend, and it couldn't have gone better! She had some rough days before meeting us, so we were curious if she would respond well after everything that had unfolded. But, she handled it extremely well in my opinion.

E is spunky and quick-witted. She is also intelligent and deeply aware of her surroundings - she has good discernment when it comes to figuring people out (which we hope will work in our favor). E is organized, and she likes to know the detailed schedule of events. Her sense of humor closely matches ours, and she doesn't seem to mind trying new things. And, even though the boys didn't go on the visit with us, E seems excited and eager to be a big sister. She certainly doesn't mind sharing her opinions, and she even tested some natural boundaries during our time with her last weekend. And, as we drove her home on the last day, she questioned why she couldn't leave for Texas right away! It felt weird for us to leave her, but we know we have to follow the process and that she will be here very soon. We hope to bring her home within the next couple of weeks!

We were surprised this week with a few more requests from E's home state to complete our adoption packet. Thankfully, we were able to scramble and get things together, but it took a toll on my emotions. I'm done with procedures, paperwork, and jumping through hoops. God has lead us to our girl, so my patience is seriously lacking when it comes to "one more thing" that we need. E is waiting...and I don't want her to wait a second longer than necessary to come home. Would you pray that the Lord will keep me centered on His plan so I can stop worrying about things outside of my control?

Another need is for us to find the right professional team who will work well together for E's healing. We are struggling in this area since she has a very unique background, but we won't give up until we find the right people. We know that the first few months will be extremely important in setting a trustworthy foundation for E, so we need wisdom on this matter.

This week we will start setting up E's room! I have to admit that I've been giddy with excitement over preparing for a daughter. :) From nail polish, to hair accessories, to trendy colors and patterns, I'm already experiencing a different side of motherhood. But it's good. It's slightly uncomfortable, but it's good.

On another note, Carey and I will be celebrating our 7th anniversary this week! When I think of all the callings the Lord has already seen us through, I look forward with great anticipation for many more years of marriage to the best man in the world. He's my partner in crime and my earthly rock. He's gentle, loving, kind, sacrificial, and faithful. When the Lord calls us to do something, Carey doesn't cower, but stands up with confidence to say, "Yes." He's highly intelligent, but highly humble. He's caring and goofy. He never meets a stranger and he's wise beyond his years. I can't help but acknowledge that without his leadership throughout our marriage that many of our dreams would have never happened. Thank you, Lord, for this godly man! May we have 100 more years to serve God together.

And there's more to come! Thank you for joining us on our adoption journey.

Our First Visit

Well, our first visit with E has officially been scheduled! It's this weekend, March 3-6. Would you please pray for our girl? We want her to feel as comfortable as possible (considering the circumstances) and not get too anxious about the weekend. We will have games, coloring books, and other activities in tow for our time with her. Then, if all goes as tentatively scheduled, we will drive back two weeks later to pick her up and bring her home. For good.

And, I'm surprisingly not freaking out.

You see, there's a peace that comes with knowing you're smack dab in the middle of God's will. It's a peace that scoffs at "the impossible." It's a peace that enables us to graciously smile and share about our girl even when the listener's eyes are bugged out in fear. It's a peace that carries us through opposition, criticism, and anxiety. It's a peace that has grown our faith exponentially. And, it's a peace that assures my heart that I will in fact find a used desk at a reasonable price so our daughter can actually have furniture in her room. The peace handles the big things and the little things.

We have been overwhelmed by the blessings of friends, relatives, and church members in the last few weeks. From the wonderful response to our prayer project, to the announcement of our adoption reception on March 11 (message me if you would like the details), to God's abundant financial provision - all of it has encouraged our hearts and helped us move forward. We just can't believe what God is doing and we are thrilled to experience the miracle he is working out for E.

A few things to expect:

- We will be a bit reclusive over the next several months. The training we have received advises not adding any new commitments and even stepping back (momentarily) from "extras" so we can devote more time to bonding as a family. We are looking at a minimum of a full year to follow this wisdom!
- E is not to receive gifts without our knowledge. The only exception would be something from the Amazon wish-list we have put together for her (speak to me if you'd like to view it), but even those items need to be in place before she enters our home. She needs to be introduced to a realistic view of our family from the start in order to help her connect with us instead of material possessions.
- Carey and I need to supply E's needs whenever possible. This includes emotional, spiritual, and physical needs. We ask that no one try to hug her for the first month and be patient as we ease her into things. If she needs correction, we are the people to correct her. And if it seems like we are doing things in a weird way, please understand that we are being very intentional with our methods based on our training and research.
- E is not to get a "pass" at respect and accountability. The way we discipline her will look differently than what most people are used too, but she will be disciplined nonetheless. There will be a delicate balance between us respecting her past yet holding her accountable for her decisions.
- Once E is placed into our home, we would like everyone to simply refer to her as our daughter (not "adoptive" daughter) and call her by our last name (even though it won't be her legal name until the adoption is final). This will help establish her place in our family.
- Because of Texas law, we will wait 4-6 months before E's adoption can be finalized. So, the adoption will not occur immediately.

Thank you for your continued prayers! 

A Special Prayer Project

A few months ago I came across a custom puzzle idea on the internet that was just too cool, and we've decided to do a similar project for our adoption efforts!

We reached out to a wonderful lady named Chantel Dietz who is pretty darn good at designing things (in fact, I can't wait for her talent to REALLY catch wind). We gave her an idea for a puzzle design, and she worked her magic to create this unique design for our family:

Isn't it beautiful?! And you probably already guessed it, but we ordered this design as a custom puzzle for our home.

But we're not stopping there...

We ordered a second puzzle for YOU GUYS! That's right - we need committed, prayerful people to come alongside our family and "adopt" some puzzle pieces. And once you adopt a puzzle piece you are committing to pray for E's adoption at least one time a day for every piece you adopt. Then we will give you your adopted piece(s) with E's name written on the back. On the same piece(s) for our family puzzle, we will write YOUR name on the back. And when it's all said and done, your piece(s) will serve as reminders to pray for our sweet girl while our family puzzle will be completed and placed into a dual-sided picture frame. Then we will hang our picture frame somewhere in our house where both sides are seen: the design side to remind us of our heart for adoption and the back side (with your names on it) to remind us of everyone who is praying for E. This project is a wonderful representation of the commitment and sacrifice required of adoption, but it will also display the love of a Savior through the hearts of His servants.

We have seen prayer do the "impossible" in our lives, so we know God will answer. And I personally can't wait to see Him go immeasurably beyond what I could ever imagine for our family! So, are you willing to be a part of a eternal, difference-making adventure? If so, call/text/email and we'll be sure to save a special puzzle piece just for you! :)

New Year's Update!

First, I want to sincerely apologize for the silence of this blog! There has been a lot of back-and-forth logistics over the last few months, and I simply didn't feel comfortable posting until we knew for sure which path we were going to take. And now we know our path!

Over the last few months we been looking into adopting an 11-year-old girl through private, domestic adoption. (DISCLAIMER: While I would love to go into detail about her, I will reveal only what is absolutely necessary. There are several reasons for this position. First, she is 11-years-old and will be able to introduce herself once she joins our family, so we aren't going to stick our noses where they don't belong! This will be a pivotal way we start earning trust with her. Secondly, we have learned that sharing every piece of information isn't wise because it can be twisted and skewed to appease negativity. Lastly, we already view her as our daughter and won't broadcast her history to the world any more than we would broadcast our own.) After receiving specialized training, doing our homework, and attending an adoption conference, we feel God has lead us and equipped us to pursue E at this specific season in life.

About E: She likes sports and being independent. She especially enjoys being with younger children, so we looking forward to seeing her thrive as a big sister! She has dirty-blonde hair, brown eyes, and wears glasses. She does well in school and makes friends easily. We are looking forward to introducing her to all the wonderful people we know!

So, how did we get here? Well, as you all know, our experience as foster parents was challenging. There were huge blessings that resulted from the relationships we formed and the lessons we learned, but we are assured that God no longer wants us to be foster parents. After our last foster baby left us in August, we attempted four different times to adopt older girls through foster care in Texas. Unfortunately, our interest was never matched, so we weren't able to proceed. Also during this time, a friend pointed out our girl, E, and we began considering her as well. But we simply couldn't be very serious about E until we knew for sure that foster care was no longer our path. Now we understand that God had much for us to learn and experience as foster parents, but it simply wasn't the end result for our adoption efforts. And we are excited for this new journey with E!

As far as our progress goes, E's legal guardians have agreed to our adoption of her. This is HUGE, so now we will try to hurry and get our agency papers and necessary fees mailed in so she will only be available to us. Then we are supposed to have some Skype sessions and eventually a family visit with her (she lives in another state). So we are still very early, but it's exciting to be moving along! :) We are looking at having a finalized adoption within a couple months.

That all being said, we desperately need your prayers: for clarity, finances, protection, and wisdom. Our boys, extended family, and close friends are all thrilled about the soon-to-be addition to our family, but a lot still has to be done before then. We will be launching a special prayer project for E this week (fingers crossed) and start working on a wish-list of items we will need for her. There's also been talk of an adoption shower (similar to a baby shower) if there is enough time to plan it! Also, there will be a meal calendar available once we bring E home, so that will be another way to help. We appreciate everyone who has already asked about our needs, and we sincerely appreciate your loving interest.

Phew.

That's it for now, but stay tuned for more updates. Thanks, friends!

Get It Together, Texas!

Texas, oh Texas, how I love thee! But you have been a thorn in my side for WEEKS and it's time to let you know that I feel like smacking a stinky, dead fish right across your face.

Look, I'm just going to be real, folks - I have never been more disappointed by my state. Somewhere in the midst of "making things right" and "accountability," Texas has created (hopefully inadvertently) a witch-hunt for foster families who abuse their foster children. The travesty is that many resources are wasted on loose ends that any practical person can see are not indicators of abuse. Therein lies the problem: Practicality and common sense seem to have left the building.

I am, of course, not saying true abusers shouldn't be held accountable. There are numerous people I know who were in the foster care system as a child, and one in particular I have a close relationship with. She told me a little bit about the abuse she experienced, so I certainly don't live in a world of naivety on this subject. However, my point is maybe she, along with many other children, would not have experienced abuse if resources weren't wasted on illegitimate leads.

Our Experience
While I have deliberately been conservative with the information I've shared regarding the removal of our last foster baby (over 2 months ago), I no longer care if sharing the information causes repercussions toward our foster parent status.

In the middle of August I received a call from K's caseworker. This gentleman was a no-nonsense person, so we got along great. He literally said, "Leah, I am so sorry but I have to remove K from your home. This isn't what I want...but there are players above me who have told me to make it happen." The back story is K had injured her cheek two weeks before while playing with a toy and it left a bruise. The bruise was still present at the next family visit, so it was blown out of proportion. Nonetheless, we took her back home and, I kid you not, she injured herself again the night BEFORE the next visit. This time she slipped and hit right below her eye brow on a chair leg while trying to crawl into my lap. Knowing the visit was the next day, I was carefully deliberate and did everything I was supposed to do such as notify the caseworker, take pictures, document what happened, etc. By the next morning she had what looked like a little scratch below her eye brow, so I felt assured that everything would be okay.

Well, everything was NOT okay! The lawyers had a flying hissy-fit at the family visit. So much so that when I met with one of the lawyers after the visit she almost wouldn't give me K...as if she was handing the baby back to a CHILD ABUSER. Well, thankfully I had a friend with me who witnessed the conversation so nothing could ever come from that interaction. The only thing she didn't witness was when the lawyer followed me to the bathroom so I could change K's diaper. The lawyer literally stood there and watched everything as if she was trying to find a more evidenced reason to get the baby removed from our home. Well, she got what she wanted the following day. The claim was that having two different injuries at two concurrent family visits was an indication of abuse.

A different case worker came to pick up K about two hours after we received the call. Luckily Carey was working from home that day, so he got to say good-bye to her. But we were both so shell-shocked. I asked the case worker if the same thing was going to happen to the next foster family, and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Probably."

We are glad to know that K is still with a foster family and wasn't immediately placed back into an unstable environment. However, the illegitimate removal from our loving, nurturing home was undoubtedly traumatizing for her. And it was trauma that was deliberately caused by a few inept and dare I say CORRUPT individuals who had sway in her case. What about accountability for them?
 
Listen Up, Texas
My beef is not with CPS, it is WITH YOU. False accusations happen all the time to innocent, loving foster families, and I refuse to just accept it as "the norm" and instead choose to be a part of a social riot. While real abusers are out there committing crimes, CPS is forced to chase down leads that have no standing because of the law. And then everyone is drug through months of formalities and time-wasting endeavors to hopefully make everything right again. But nothing is ever right again - not with the foster families, not with CPS, and most importantly not with the children who truly need a stable and caring environment. Oh, no - the only thing "right" is that someone on a power trip used politics and an extreme interpretation of the law (go figure) to get what they wanted at the expense of the well-being of a child. Dare I say you are setting up CPS to work against the very reason they were established? YES.

At least once a month I see another story on the news about CPS needing an overhaul and it infuriates me! The state is on the right track by designating more more money for the organization, but it won't actually happen until 2017. So, anyone want to guess what will continue to happen in the mean time? Regardless of the fact that throwing money at something can only help, but not fix, the problem? Good grief. And then, Mr. Texas, you take away much of the funding for ECI (Early Childhood Intervention)! Has someone completely UNSCREWED YOUR BRAIN?! Can you really not see the correlation between extinguishing a family's need to get appropriate health and mental services for their children and an ever-increasing growth in children entering foster care?! And to think - I used to be the naive one in this relationship.

My Mama always used to say, "Quit complaining about the problem and help with the solution." So, here are my proposals:

1. Establish laws (call them "Illegitimate Leads" laws, if you will) to protect foster children and their foster families from undue removals and prejudice. Include statements such as, "Foster children may not be removed from foster homes when two or more witnesses were present at the time of the injury and the injury was self-inflicted by the child, proven as accidental, and could not have possibly been prevented, " and, "A foster family must be provided all the documents related to the removal of a foster child from the home upon request." I'm no lawyer, so get to crackin' my lawyer friends! So help me if I have to take the time to get a law degree to make something happen...

2. Give foster families representation. Everyone who enters the foster care system - biological parents, relatives, children - are given lawyers. Except foster parents. Oh, no, "babysitting" the foster parents is a task given to the FAD workers who have very little wiggle room to actually stand up for their foster families against false allegations. The FAD workers work hard to retain their foster families only for some predatory-style player in a case to swoop in for the kill. Foster parents are told to "be involved," but "not too involved." They are told to "love" their foster children, but not "fall in love" with the children. They are expected to be at all the meetings and represent the child's best interest without being formally trained, all the while being prone to an incoming attack from someone else involved in the child's case who has an ulterior motive. Get. Foster parents. Representation. This is a personal requirement for our family if we are to have a future in foster care. Foster parents are severely limited because they have no legal say in their foster-children's well-being.

3. Recruit the church. I've heard through the grapevine, Texas, that you've acknowledged the huge, positive impact that God-fearing Christians have on the foster care system. So...why aren't you recruiting the effective church leaders who lead adoption and foster care ministries? Why aren't you using the resources created by Christians and PROVEN to be effective (such as the Empowered to Connect, or ETC, training) to hit the foster crisis head on in the spiritual arena? Get after it.

4. Utterly obliterate the professional career of anyone who tries to use a child as a pawn for a growing their political and/or wealth status. Use reprimands, fines, prosecutions, jail time, affidavits, and whatever else you need at the full extent of the law to bring this kind of corruption down! I'M BANGING MY FISTS ON THE TABLE!!! Do it! Do it now!

Beauty in the Storm
Through it all, Texas, God's supremacy and goodness will never be squelched. I have witnessed the CPS workers who strive tirelessly to truly do what is right for foster children in spite of possibly losing their job or facing reprimands. I have cried uncontrollable tears on behalf of the children who have entered our home and have an immense burden for all foster children to be given the love they deserve - the love of a Savior. And the witness of God's continued provision is present in a friend who has decided to become a foster parent even after walking this road alongside our family. Time and time again God shouts, "Here I am!" Thankfully God is here, Texas, but you aren't doing a very good job of listening. I want to give you the silent treatment, but I know that won't help a single thing.

So, I'm certainly not asking you to fix everything, Texas...

But what can you fix? I pray it's insurmountably more than what I could ever imagine. Because, deep down, even though we are fighting right now, I love you, Texas. Now get it together.

The Rescuer

Put a fork in me. I'm done.

It's not that I'm done with life, or the pursuit of adoption, or the frustrations that come with doing God's will. Nope, not that at all! I am however done with the idea that my plan for our family is better than God's plan. And I'm done using my worldly wisdom to try and make sense of spiritual matters that can only be explained by God's sovereignty.

Momma Leah still misses Baby M. I am Sovereign.

Sentimental Leah wishes to see Baby S's smile one more time. I am Sovereign.

Angry Leah still wants to act out in incredible ways over the whole Baby K ordeal. I am Sovereign.

Rescuer Leah still desires to save all the children in the world who need a loving family.

Wait a minute, hold up. It's time we get something straight.

YOU are not the Rescuer. You are my child. Yes, I have called you to be on a difficult path, but don't mistake your grief as a sign of My absent love. Don't mistake your disappointments as My lack of provision. Don't let what has happened to your family keep you from pressing on. Because, Leah, I love you so much. I love you enough to not give you everything you "think" you need. I love you enough to say, "Not this time." I love you enough to plan something great for your family. Do you still trust Me?

Just when I think I'm really starting to learn what this whole "taking up your cross" command is, the Lord steps in to infiltrate my ill-informed perception. Over the last couple of weeks, we have started a new biblically-based adoption training and the personal insight God has given me of our family is overwhelming. And Carey agrees. When we discuss the immense spiritual growth we are experiencing, we can do nothing but praise God for his omniscience. And we are so excited to one day see the end result of his plan! All of the studying, toiling, trying new methods (some that succeed and some that fail), pulling out hair, and spiritual exhaustion is worth it. It is so worth it!

Before we became foster parents we were very naive. Of course, naivety is always present to a certain extent when you try something new, but there was also a "life" naivety for both of us. We thought our lives before becoming foster parents were stressful, but in all actuality they weren't. We thought we knew what evil was without really having a single first-handed, gut-wrenching, sobering experience with it. But perhaps that is why we were "silly" enough to even becoming foster parents? I'll be the first to admit that you do have to be a little crazy to subject yourself to the anguish that comes with this path, but Jesus set the prime example when he willingly took the anguish of the cross. And defeating sin. And conquering death. And putting up with ME. He decides to accept the pain of my disobedience over and over again for the sake of my soul. He loves me that much.

And can't I love our boys and our future adopted child(ren) that much? Yep. Not that I'll be anywhere close to loving them like the Savior can, but I can try my darnedest (with God's powerful guidance and help) to be the example my kids need to rest assured on the salvation provided only through Christ. To "know that they know" that sacrifice is worth it, and pain will be worth it, and that this life is merely a minuscule drop of existence in comparison to all eternity.

So, no I am not the Rescuer. And thank you, Lord, for reminding me.