A Special Prayer Project

A few months ago I came across a custom puzzle idea on the internet that was just too cool, and we've decided to do a similar project for our adoption efforts!

We reached out to a wonderful lady named Chantel Dietz who is pretty darn good at designing things (in fact, I can't wait for her talent to REALLY catch wind). We gave her an idea for a puzzle design, and she worked her magic to create this unique design for our family:

Isn't it beautiful?! And you probably already guessed it, but we ordered this design as a custom puzzle for our home.

But we're not stopping there...

We ordered a second puzzle for YOU GUYS! That's right - we need committed, prayerful people to come alongside our family and "adopt" some puzzle pieces. And once you adopt a puzzle piece you are committing to pray for E's adoption at least one time a day for every piece you adopt. Then we will give you your adopted piece(s) with E's name written on the back. On the same piece(s) for our family puzzle, we will write YOUR name on the back. And when it's all said and done, your piece(s) will serve as reminders to pray for our sweet girl while our family puzzle will be completed and placed into a dual-sided picture frame. Then we will hang our picture frame somewhere in our house where both sides are seen: the design side to remind us of our heart for adoption and the back side (with your names on it) to remind us of everyone who is praying for E. This project is a wonderful representation of the commitment and sacrifice required of adoption, but it will also display the love of a Savior through the hearts of His servants.

We have seen prayer do the "impossible" in our lives, so we know God will answer. And I personally can't wait to see Him go immeasurably beyond what I could ever imagine for our family! So, are you willing to be a part of a eternal, difference-making adventure? If so, call/text/email and we'll be sure to save a special puzzle piece just for you! :)

New Year's Update!

First, I want to sincerely apologize for the silence of this blog! There has been a lot of back-and-forth logistics over the last few months, and I simply didn't feel comfortable posting until we knew for sure which path we were going to take. And now we know our path!

Over the last few months we been looking into adopting an 11-year-old girl through private, domestic adoption. (DISCLAIMER: While I would love to go into detail about her, I will reveal only what is absolutely necessary. There are several reasons for this position. First, she is 11-years-old and will be able to introduce herself once she joins our family, so we aren't going to stick our noses where they don't belong! This will be a pivotal way we start earning trust with her. Secondly, we have learned that sharing every piece of information isn't wise because it can be twisted and skewed to appease negativity. Lastly, we already view her as our daughter and won't broadcast her history to the world any more than we would broadcast our own.) After receiving specialized training, doing our homework, and attending an adoption conference, we feel God has lead us and equipped us to pursue E at this specific season in life.

About E: She likes sports and being independent. She especially enjoys being with younger children, so we looking forward to seeing her thrive as a big sister! She has dirty-blonde hair, brown eyes, and wears glasses. She does well in school and makes friends easily. We are looking forward to introducing her to all the wonderful people we know!

So, how did we get here? Well, as you all know, our experience as foster parents was challenging. There were huge blessings that resulted from the relationships we formed and the lessons we learned, but we are assured that God no longer wants us to be foster parents. After our last foster baby left us in August, we attempted four different times to adopt older girls through foster care in Texas. Unfortunately, our interest was never matched, so we weren't able to proceed. Also during this time, a friend pointed out our girl, E, and we began considering her as well. But we simply couldn't be very serious about E until we knew for sure that foster care was no longer our path. Now we understand that God had much for us to learn and experience as foster parents, but it simply wasn't the end result for our adoption efforts. And we are excited for this new journey with E!

As far as our progress goes, E's legal guardians have agreed to our adoption of her. This is HUGE, so now we will try to hurry and get our agency papers and necessary fees mailed in so she will only be available to us. Then we are supposed to have some Skype sessions and eventually a family visit with her (she lives in another state). So we are still very early, but it's exciting to be moving along! :) We are looking at having a finalized adoption within a couple months.

That all being said, we desperately need your prayers: for clarity, finances, protection, and wisdom. Our boys, extended family, and close friends are all thrilled about the soon-to-be addition to our family, but a lot still has to be done before then. We will be launching a special prayer project for E this week (fingers crossed) and start working on a wish-list of items we will need for her. There's also been talk of an adoption shower (similar to a baby shower) if there is enough time to plan it! Also, there will be a meal calendar available once we bring E home, so that will be another way to help. We appreciate everyone who has already asked about our needs, and we sincerely appreciate your loving interest.

Phew.

That's it for now, but stay tuned for more updates. Thanks, friends!

Get It Together, Texas!

Texas, oh Texas, how I love thee! But you have been a thorn in my side for WEEKS and it's time to let you know that I feel like smacking a stinky, dead fish right across your face.

Look, I'm just going to be real, folks - I have never been more disappointed by my state. Somewhere in the midst of "making things right" and "accountability," Texas has created (hopefully inadvertently) a witch-hunt for foster families who abuse their foster children. The travesty is that many resources are wasted on loose ends that any practical person can see are not indicators of abuse. Therein lies the problem: Practicality and common sense seem to have left the building.

I am, of course, not saying true abusers shouldn't be held accountable. There are numerous people I know who were in the foster care system as a child, and one in particular I have a close relationship with. She told me a little bit about the abuse she experienced, so I certainly don't live in a world of naivety on this subject. However, my point is maybe she, along with many other children, would not have experienced abuse if resources weren't wasted on illegitimate leads.

Our Experience
While I have deliberately been conservative with the information I've shared regarding the removal of our last foster baby (over 2 months ago), I no longer care if sharing the information causes repercussions toward our foster parent status.

In the middle of August I received a call from K's caseworker. This gentleman was a no-nonsense person, so we got along great. He literally said, "Leah, I am so sorry but I have to remove K from your home. This isn't what I want...but there are players above me who have told me to make it happen." The back story is K had injured her cheek two weeks before while playing with a toy and it left a bruise. The bruise was still present at the next family visit, so it was blown out of proportion. Nonetheless, we took her back home and, I kid you not, she injured herself again the night BEFORE the next visit. This time she slipped and hit right below her eye brow on a chair leg while trying to crawl into my lap. Knowing the visit was the next day, I was carefully deliberate and did everything I was supposed to do such as notify the caseworker, take pictures, document what happened, etc. By the next morning she had what looked like a little scratch below her eye brow, so I felt assured that everything would be okay.

Well, everything was NOT okay! The lawyers had a flying hissy-fit at the family visit. So much so that when I met with one of the lawyers after the visit she almost wouldn't give me K...as if she was handing the baby back to a CHILD ABUSER. Well, thankfully I had a friend with me who witnessed the conversation so nothing could ever come from that interaction. The only thing she didn't witness was when the lawyer followed me to the bathroom so I could change K's diaper. The lawyer literally stood there and watched everything as if she was trying to find a more evidenced reason to get the baby removed from our home. Well, she got what she wanted the following day. The claim was that having two different injuries at two concurrent family visits was an indication of abuse.

A different case worker came to pick up K about two hours after we received the call. Luckily Carey was working from home that day, so he got to say good-bye to her. But we were both so shell-shocked. I asked the case worker if the same thing was going to happen to the next foster family, and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Probably."

We are glad to know that K is still with a foster family and wasn't immediately placed back into an unstable environment. However, the illegitimate removal from our loving, nurturing home was undoubtedly traumatizing for her. And it was trauma that was deliberately caused by a few inept and dare I say CORRUPT individuals who had sway in her case. What about accountability for them?
 
Listen Up, Texas
My beef is not with CPS, it is WITH YOU. False accusations happen all the time to innocent, loving foster families, and I refuse to just accept it as "the norm" and instead choose to be a part of a social riot. While real abusers are out there committing crimes, CPS is forced to chase down leads that have no standing because of the law. And then everyone is drug through months of formalities and time-wasting endeavors to hopefully make everything right again. But nothing is ever right again - not with the foster families, not with CPS, and most importantly not with the children who truly need a stable and caring environment. Oh, no - the only thing "right" is that someone on a power trip used politics and an extreme interpretation of the law (go figure) to get what they wanted at the expense of the well-being of a child. Dare I say you are setting up CPS to work against the very reason they were established? YES.

At least once a month I see another story on the news about CPS needing an overhaul and it infuriates me! The state is on the right track by designating more more money for the organization, but it won't actually happen until 2017. So, anyone want to guess what will continue to happen in the mean time? Regardless of the fact that throwing money at something can only help, but not fix, the problem? Good grief. And then, Mr. Texas, you take away much of the funding for ECI (Early Childhood Intervention)! Has someone completely UNSCREWED YOUR BRAIN?! Can you really not see the correlation between extinguishing a family's need to get appropriate health and mental services for their children and an ever-increasing growth in children entering foster care?! And to think - I used to be the naive one in this relationship.

My Mama always used to say, "Quit complaining about the problem and help with the solution." So, here are my proposals:

1. Establish laws (call them "Illegitimate Leads" laws, if you will) to protect foster children and their foster families from undue removals and prejudice. Include statements such as, "Foster children may not be removed from foster homes when two or more witnesses were present at the time of the injury and the injury was self-inflicted by the child, proven as accidental, and could not have possibly been prevented, " and, "A foster family must be provided all the documents related to the removal of a foster child from the home upon request." I'm no lawyer, so get to crackin' my lawyer friends! So help me if I have to take the time to get a law degree to make something happen...

2. Give foster families representation. Everyone who enters the foster care system - biological parents, relatives, children - are given lawyers. Except foster parents. Oh, no, "babysitting" the foster parents is a task given to the FAD workers who have very little wiggle room to actually stand up for their foster families against false allegations. The FAD workers work hard to retain their foster families only for some predatory-style player in a case to swoop in for the kill. Foster parents are told to "be involved," but "not too involved." They are told to "love" their foster children, but not "fall in love" with the children. They are expected to be at all the meetings and represent the child's best interest without being formally trained, all the while being prone to an incoming attack from someone else involved in the child's case who has an ulterior motive. Get. Foster parents. Representation. This is a personal requirement for our family if we are to have a future in foster care. Foster parents are severely limited because they have no legal say in their foster-children's well-being.

3. Recruit the church. I've heard through the grapevine, Texas, that you've acknowledged the huge, positive impact that God-fearing Christians have on the foster care system. So...why aren't you recruiting the effective church leaders who lead adoption and foster care ministries? Why aren't you using the resources created by Christians and PROVEN to be effective (such as the Empowered to Connect, or ETC, training) to hit the foster crisis head on in the spiritual arena? Get after it.

4. Utterly obliterate the professional career of anyone who tries to use a child as a pawn for a growing their political and/or wealth status. Use reprimands, fines, prosecutions, jail time, affidavits, and whatever else you need at the full extent of the law to bring this kind of corruption down! I'M BANGING MY FISTS ON THE TABLE!!! Do it! Do it now!

Beauty in the Storm
Through it all, Texas, God's supremacy and goodness will never be squelched. I have witnessed the CPS workers who strive tirelessly to truly do what is right for foster children in spite of possibly losing their job or facing reprimands. I have cried uncontrollable tears on behalf of the children who have entered our home and have an immense burden for all foster children to be given the love they deserve - the love of a Savior. And the witness of God's continued provision is present in a friend who has decided to become a foster parent even after walking this road alongside our family. Time and time again God shouts, "Here I am!" Thankfully God is here, Texas, but you aren't doing a very good job of listening. I want to give you the silent treatment, but I know that won't help a single thing.

So, I'm certainly not asking you to fix everything, Texas...

But what can you fix? I pray it's insurmountably more than what I could ever imagine. Because, deep down, even though we are fighting right now, I love you, Texas. Now get it together.

The Rescuer

Put a fork in me. I'm done.

It's not that I'm done with life, or the pursuit of adoption, or the frustrations that come with doing God's will. Nope, not that at all! I am however done with the idea that my plan for our family is better than God's plan. And I'm done using my worldly wisdom to try and make sense of spiritual matters that can only be explained by God's sovereignty.

Momma Leah still misses Baby M. I am Sovereign.

Sentimental Leah wishes to see Baby S's smile one more time. I am Sovereign.

Angry Leah still wants to act out in incredible ways over the whole Baby K ordeal. I am Sovereign.

Rescuer Leah still desires to save all the children in the world who need a loving family.

Wait a minute, hold up. It's time we get something straight.

YOU are not the Rescuer. You are my child. Yes, I have called you to be on a difficult path, but don't mistake your grief as a sign of My absent love. Don't mistake your disappointments as My lack of provision. Don't let what has happened to your family keep you from pressing on. Because, Leah, I love you so much. I love you enough to not give you everything you "think" you need. I love you enough to say, "Not this time." I love you enough to plan something great for your family. Do you still trust Me?

Just when I think I'm really starting to learn what this whole "taking up your cross" command is, the Lord steps in to infiltrate my ill-informed perception. Over the last couple of weeks, we have started a new biblically-based adoption training and the personal insight God has given me of our family is overwhelming. And Carey agrees. When we discuss the immense spiritual growth we are experiencing, we can do nothing but praise God for his omniscience. And we are so excited to one day see the end result of his plan! All of the studying, toiling, trying new methods (some that succeed and some that fail), pulling out hair, and spiritual exhaustion is worth it. It is so worth it!

Before we became foster parents we were very naive. Of course, naivety is always present to a certain extent when you try something new, but there was also a "life" naivety for both of us. We thought our lives before becoming foster parents were stressful, but in all actuality they weren't. We thought we knew what evil was without really having a single first-handed, gut-wrenching, sobering experience with it. But perhaps that is why we were "silly" enough to even becoming foster parents? I'll be the first to admit that you do have to be a little crazy to subject yourself to the anguish that comes with this path, but Jesus set the prime example when he willingly took the anguish of the cross. And defeating sin. And conquering death. And putting up with ME. He decides to accept the pain of my disobedience over and over again for the sake of my soul. He loves me that much.

And can't I love our boys and our future adopted child(ren) that much? Yep. Not that I'll be anywhere close to loving them like the Savior can, but I can try my darnedest (with God's powerful guidance and help) to be the example my kids need to rest assured on the salvation provided only through Christ. To "know that they know" that sacrifice is worth it, and pain will be worth it, and that this life is merely a minuscule drop of existence in comparison to all eternity.

So, no I am not the Rescuer. And thank you, Lord, for reminding me.

 
 

"NO!"

Carey and I have a guilty pleasure: We love watching the American version of "The Office" on Netflix, and we have even lost count of how many times we've watched the series all the way through! And while the show certainly isn't "innocent," there are some themes that I can most assuredly say the producers didn't intend to have spiritual meaning...but they do.

Ok, and as a disclaimer, I'm not saying that "The Office" should be watched to gain spiritual growth. Just thought I'd put that out there...But there is something very real to be said for the Lord using our sense of humor to get a point across.

For instance, there is a character named D'Angelo (played by Will Ferrell) who was the new boss for several episodes. One of the aspects of this character was that he had formerly been obese, so D'Angelo was very serious about eating healthy. However, in one episode there was a party with a cake. D'Angelo, experiencing a moment of weakness, cut a corner of the cake and began eating it with his bare hand. Upon realizing the absurdity of his actions, he then threw the cake in the trash...only to come back for another corner a few seconds later. He again came to his senses and threw the second piece of cake in the trash. Then D'Angelo leaned over the cake, with his nose almost touching the frosting, and yelled, "NO!" And all hysteria breaks loose between Carey and I when we watch the scene!

The thing is I feel like D'Angelo: the cake is my weariness, fear, and anxiety over what will come next for our family. I keep picking up those pieces, with my bare hands, only to be knocked on the head by the Spirit to throw those pieces IN THE TRASH! Sin is disguised as having control, so I pick it up. But now I'm done. I'm going to start yelling, "NO!" to the sin that is trying to pull me under. I'm going to start shouting, "NOT TODAY, SIN!" when anxiousness crouches at the door of my heart. I'm going to live, move, and breathe the fact that God is control of even my most outrageous emotions and let. Him. Be. God!

And I couldn't think of a better day to start. Tonight we will begin a six-week, biblically-based adoption course, and I am so excited to see how God moves and leads us through the teaching and fellowship.

But, this message isn't simply for me or I wouldn't have shared it. Is there something in your life grasping for control? Do you feel suffocated by fear, anxiety, or insecurity? Yell, "NO!" my friend. And yell it over and over again until you believe it. Because God's got you, and he's got me, and he's got a whole lot of fire power between what he promises and what he does.

"To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." - 2 Peter 3:18b

Thoughts (and the Book of Acts Reading Plan)

"Would I be willing to risk my safety to obey God's calling on my life? Is the fear of danger keeping me from wholeheartedly serving him?"

I thought this would be a simple post.

The Lord has put it on my heart to start sharing some bible reading plans to encourage others in their faith. However, when I re-read day 21 it LEAPT OFF THE PAGE. It literally leapt. Off. The. Page.

You see, God put these questions on my heart several months ago before all the junk happened: the false accusations and such. And we are taking steps in another direction now (which I will share more about in the next several weeks as everything falls into place). What started as excitement quickly turned into urgency and then went on to despair and fear. And I know the Lord doesn't want me to fear...today he is especially assuring my heart that whatever happens will be good. It's hard to begin the process of moving on from a past calling and into a new one, but God's word has once again shown itself faithful through my own imperfect recollections. 

We've all been through "stuff." None of it is the same "stuff," but that's besides the point. All of the junk that has encroached on our lives can cause depression if we give it that power, but I choose to remember instead the number of times God has shown up. His record in my life is approximately 10,000:0. 

So, as the record has shown, I need not fear.

I pray this reading plan blesses you as it has me!

ACTS (20 days)

1. Chapters 1-2 - How can I express to others how I have been changed by Christ's resurrection and the gift of the Holy Spirit? What does God want me to do as a part of his great plan?
2. Chapters 3-4 - How can I prepare to witness to others when good things happen? What evidences are in my life that I "have been with Jesus?"
3. Chapter 5 - What warning should I receive when others are judged by God because of personal sin? How can I biblically respond to persecution?
4. Chapters 6-7 - How might God want to use me today to fill a need? Am I willing to risk my very life for the sake of the gospel?
5. Chapter 8 - Why does being sensitive to the Holy Spirit matter? What distractions do I need to limit in my life?
6. Chapter 9 - What does Saul's conversion teach me about God's mercy? How do I know when someone has truly come into a relationship with Jesus Christ?
7. Chapters 10-11 - What can I do to become better unified with other believers? How may God want me to reach others who are outside of my daily influence?
8. Chapters 12-13 - What does God want me to understand in the midst of persecution? How can I help spread the gospel through missions?
9. Chapters 14-15 - How does struggle in my service to the Lord strengthen my faith? How can I encourage unity among other believers when disagreements arise?
10. Chapter16 - What does God want me to do in the midst of unfair treatment? How should my reactions to the trials of life be different, and why do my reactions matter?
11. Chapters 17-18 - What does the Lord want me to keep sight of when others refuse Him? How can I become more comfortable with sharing my faith?
12. Chapters 19-20 - What should be my role in the event of outlandish claims made against brothers and sisters of the faith? Who has been a positive example on my faith and how can I be an example for someone else?
13. Chapter 21 - Would I be willing to risk my safety to obey God's calling on my life? Is the fear of danger keeping me from wholeheartedly serving him?
14. Chapter 22 - What "citizenship" has God given me to use for his glory? How can I minister to other people groups for the cause of Christ?
15. Chapter 23 - What situation in my life desperately needs God's wisdom? What comforts me as I experience struggles and trials?
16. Chapter 24 - How should I respond to corrupt authority? What character strengths has God given me to handle unfairness?
17. Chapter 25 - Am I more often patient or impatient when a lack of discernment affects my life? What does God want me to learn through such circumstances?
18. Chapter 26 - What is my defense when others challenge my faith? Why is an appropriate response important?
19. Chapter 27 - What Godly wisdom can I bring to earthly catastrophes? How can my influence make a difference and save lives?
20. Chapter 28 - In what area(s) of my faith do I need to persevere? To whom am I called to minister?

Joy and Peace

The last couple of weeks have certainly been challenging, but I'm amazed at how the Lord is transforming my heart! He has given me new joy for my children, an enriched appreciation and love for my husband, and the desire to continue pushing forward in faith for whatever he has in store for our family. It is a very exciting time!

The joy of being within God's will is indescribable. I am so thankful that in the midst of struggles I never have to doubt that I am his.

Our adventures include my new role as Children's Director at church, Carey's upcoming 31st birthday (we love spoiling him!), and praying about where/how God may be leading us to adopt now. We are waiting to have some questions answered regarding our foster care license because there may be some issues if we decide to adopt a child through another means. It is possible our license could be suspended for a matter of time (or worse) if we adopt outside of CPS. While this is a little scary, and we certainly don't want anything to happen to our license, we have complete peace from God that whatever happens is supposed to happen and it's all in his hands. But we hope to hear back sometime this week that we can be placed back on the CPU list again and become available for temporary, respite placements for foster children.

When Carey and I have discussed what God may be doing through everything we've experienced as foster parents, we agree that, regardless of the results, we smile when we think of the precious baby girls we've had the honor of welcoming into our home. We are overjoyed that M will be adopted soon by her aunt and uncle. We are glad that S's removal from her family was the motivation needed for her grandmother to make better choices. We are still sad and miss K, but are assured that we did what we could to help her. And the things I've learned about God - deep, personal, emotional things - could not have been learned any other way. When I thought I was breaking down, the Lord was actually building me up. Now I can say there is some grit to my faith. Now I can say with all my soul, "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 59:16)." Knowing pain means knowing Christ. And while that makes no earthly sense, I cling to it with perseverance.

 Now there seems to be a "shift" coming, and it feels similar to the initial inklings God gave me before we began looking into foster care. We know that it is all about God's timing, but I especially feel an increased urge to pursue a specific orphan we have been praying for since last year. But God always affirms these major callings in both of our hearts if it is something we need to do, so prayers for patience (for me) and clarity (for both of us) would be much appreciated!

I don't know what on earth God is doing now in our family, but I am thankful he's given us the strength to continue on the journey. And THANK YOU for being a part!!! :)