Put a fork in me. I'm done.
It's not that I'm done with life, or the pursuit of adoption, or the frustrations that come with doing God's will. Nope, not that at all! I am however done with the idea that my plan for our family is better than God's plan. And I'm done using my worldly wisdom to try and make sense of spiritual matters that can only be explained by God's sovereignty.
Momma Leah still misses Baby M. I am Sovereign.
Sentimental Leah wishes to see Baby S's smile one more time. I am Sovereign.
Angry Leah still wants to act out in incredible ways over the whole Baby K ordeal. I am Sovereign.
Rescuer Leah still desires to save all the children in the world who need a loving family.
Wait a minute, hold up. It's time we get something straight.
YOU are not the Rescuer. You are my child. Yes, I have called you to be on a difficult path, but don't mistake your grief as a sign of My absent love. Don't mistake your disappointments as My lack of provision. Don't let what has happened to your family keep you from pressing on. Because, Leah, I love you so much. I love you enough to not give you everything you "think" you need. I love you enough to say, "Not this time." I love you enough to plan something great for your family. Do you still trust Me?
Just when I think I'm really starting to learn what this whole "taking up your cross" command is, the Lord steps in to infiltrate my ill-informed perception. Over the last couple of weeks, we have started a new biblically-based adoption training and the personal insight God has given me of our family is overwhelming. And Carey agrees. When we discuss the immense spiritual growth we are experiencing, we can do nothing but praise God for his omniscience. And we are so excited to one day see the end result of his plan! All of the studying, toiling, trying new methods (some that succeed and some that fail), pulling out hair, and spiritual exhaustion is worth it. It is so worth it!
Before we became foster parents we were very naive. Of course, naivety is always present to a certain extent when you try something new, but there was also a "life" naivety for both of us. We thought our lives before becoming foster parents were stressful, but in all actuality they weren't. We thought we knew what evil was without really having a single first-handed, gut-wrenching, sobering experience with it. But perhaps that is why we were "silly" enough to even becoming foster parents? I'll be the first to admit that you do have to be a little crazy to subject yourself to the anguish that comes with this path, but Jesus set the prime example when he willingly took the anguish of the cross. And defeating sin. And conquering death. And putting up with ME. He decides to accept the pain of my disobedience over and over again for the sake of my soul. He loves me that much.
And can't I love our boys and our future adopted child(ren) that much? Yep. Not that I'll be anywhere close to loving them like the Savior can, but I can try my darnedest (with God's powerful guidance and help) to be the example my kids need to rest assured on the salvation provided only through Christ. To "know that they know" that sacrifice is worth it, and pain will be worth it, and that this life is merely a minuscule drop of existence in comparison to all eternity.
So, no I am not the Rescuer. And thank you, Lord, for reminding me.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
"NO!"
Carey and I have a guilty pleasure: We love watching the American version of "The Office" on Netflix, and we have even lost count of how many times we've watched the series all the way through! And while the show certainly isn't "innocent," there are some themes that I can most assuredly say the producers didn't intend to have spiritual meaning...but they do.
Ok, and as a disclaimer, I'm not saying that "The Office" should be watched to gain spiritual growth. Just thought I'd put that out there...But there is something very real to be said for the Lord using our sense of humor to get a point across.
For instance, there is a character named D'Angelo (played by Will Ferrell) who was the new boss for several episodes. One of the aspects of this character was that he had formerly been obese, so D'Angelo was very serious about eating healthy. However, in one episode there was a party with a cake. D'Angelo, experiencing a moment of weakness, cut a corner of the cake and began eating it with his bare hand. Upon realizing the absurdity of his actions, he then threw the cake in the trash...only to come back for another corner a few seconds later. He again came to his senses and threw the second piece of cake in the trash. Then D'Angelo leaned over the cake, with his nose almost touching the frosting, and yelled, "NO!" And all hysteria breaks loose between Carey and I when we watch the scene!
The thing is I feel like D'Angelo: the cake is my weariness, fear, and anxiety over what will come next for our family. I keep picking up those pieces, with my bare hands, only to be knocked on the head by the Spirit to throw those pieces IN THE TRASH! Sin is disguised as having control, so I pick it up. But now I'm done. I'm going to start yelling, "NO!" to the sin that is trying to pull me under. I'm going to start shouting, "NOT TODAY, SIN!" when anxiousness crouches at the door of my heart. I'm going to live, move, and breathe the fact that God is control of even my most outrageous emotions and let. Him. Be. God!
And I couldn't think of a better day to start. Tonight we will begin a six-week, biblically-based adoption course, and I am so excited to see how God moves and leads us through the teaching and fellowship.
But, this message isn't simply for me or I wouldn't have shared it. Is there something in your life grasping for control? Do you feel suffocated by fear, anxiety, or insecurity? Yell, "NO!" my friend. And yell it over and over again until you believe it. Because God's got you, and he's got me, and he's got a whole lot of fire power between what he promises and what he does.
"To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." - 2 Peter 3:18b
Ok, and as a disclaimer, I'm not saying that "The Office" should be watched to gain spiritual growth. Just thought I'd put that out there...But there is something very real to be said for the Lord using our sense of humor to get a point across.
For instance, there is a character named D'Angelo (played by Will Ferrell) who was the new boss for several episodes. One of the aspects of this character was that he had formerly been obese, so D'Angelo was very serious about eating healthy. However, in one episode there was a party with a cake. D'Angelo, experiencing a moment of weakness, cut a corner of the cake and began eating it with his bare hand. Upon realizing the absurdity of his actions, he then threw the cake in the trash...only to come back for another corner a few seconds later. He again came to his senses and threw the second piece of cake in the trash. Then D'Angelo leaned over the cake, with his nose almost touching the frosting, and yelled, "NO!" And all hysteria breaks loose between Carey and I when we watch the scene!
The thing is I feel like D'Angelo: the cake is my weariness, fear, and anxiety over what will come next for our family. I keep picking up those pieces, with my bare hands, only to be knocked on the head by the Spirit to throw those pieces IN THE TRASH! Sin is disguised as having control, so I pick it up. But now I'm done. I'm going to start yelling, "NO!" to the sin that is trying to pull me under. I'm going to start shouting, "NOT TODAY, SIN!" when anxiousness crouches at the door of my heart. I'm going to live, move, and breathe the fact that God is control of even my most outrageous emotions and let. Him. Be. God!
And I couldn't think of a better day to start. Tonight we will begin a six-week, biblically-based adoption course, and I am so excited to see how God moves and leads us through the teaching and fellowship.
But, this message isn't simply for me or I wouldn't have shared it. Is there something in your life grasping for control? Do you feel suffocated by fear, anxiety, or insecurity? Yell, "NO!" my friend. And yell it over and over again until you believe it. Because God's got you, and he's got me, and he's got a whole lot of fire power between what he promises and what he does.
"To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." - 2 Peter 3:18b
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Thoughts (and the Book of Acts Reading Plan)
"Would I be willing to risk my safety to obey God's calling on my
life? Is the fear of danger keeping me from wholeheartedly serving him?"
I thought this would be a simple post.
The Lord has put it on my heart to start sharing some bible reading plans to encourage others in their faith. However, when I re-read day 21 it LEAPT OFF THE PAGE. It literally leapt. Off. The. Page.
You see, God put these questions on my heart several months ago before all the junk happened: the false accusations and such. And we are taking steps in another direction now (which I will share more about in the next several weeks as everything falls into place). What started as excitement quickly turned into urgency and then went on to despair and fear. And I know the Lord doesn't want me to fear...today he is especially assuring my heart that whatever happens will be good. It's hard to begin the process of moving on from a past calling and into a new one, but God's word has once again shown itself faithful through my own imperfect recollections.
We've all been through "stuff." None of it is the same "stuff," but that's besides the point. All of the junk that has encroached on our lives can cause depression if we give it that power, but I choose to remember instead the number of times God has shown up. His record in my life is approximately 10,000:0.
So, as the record has shown, I need not fear.
I pray this reading plan blesses you as it has me!
ACTS (20 days)
- Chapters 1-2 - How can I express to others how I have been changed by Christ's resurrection and the gift of the Holy Spirit? What does God want me to do as a part of his great plan?
- Chapters 3-4 - How can I prepare to witness to others when good things happen? What evidences are in my life that I "have been with Jesus?"
- Chapter 5 - What warning should I receive when others are judged by God because of personal sin? How can I biblically respond to persecution?
- Chapters 6-7 - How might God want to use me today to fill a need? Am I willing to risk my very life for the sake of the gospel?
- Chapter 8 - Why does being sensitive to the Holy Spirit matter? What distractions do I need to limit in my life?
- Chapter 9 - What does Saul's conversion teach me about God's mercy? How do I know when someone has truly come into a relationship with Jesus Christ?
- Chapters 10-11 - What can I do to become better unified with other believers? How may God want me to reach others who are outside of my daily influence?
- Chapters 12-13 - What does God want me to understand in the midst of persecution? How can I help spread the gospel through missions?
- Chapters 14-15 - How does struggle in my service to the Lord strengthen my faith? How can I encourage unity among other believers when disagreements arise?
- Chapter16 - What does God want me to do in the midst of unfair treatment? How should my reactions to the trials of life be different, and why do my reactions matter?
- Chapters 17-18 - What does the Lord want me to keep sight of when others refuse Him? How can I become more comfortable with sharing my faith?
- Chapters 19-20 - What should be my role in the event of outlandish claims made against brothers and sisters of the faith? Who has been a positive example on my faith and how can I be an example for someone else?
- Chapter 21 - Would I be willing to risk my safety to obey God's calling on my life? Is the fear of danger keeping me from wholeheartedly serving him?
- Chapter 22 - What "citizenship" has God given me to use for his glory? How can I minister to other people groups for the cause of Christ?
- Chapter 23 - What situation in my life desperately needs God's wisdom? What comforts me as I experience struggles and trials?
- Chapter 24 - How should I respond to corrupt authority? What character strengths has God given me to handle unfairness?
- Chapter 25 - Am I more often patient or impatient when a lack of discernment affects my life? What does God want me to learn through such circumstances?
- Chapter 26 - What is my defense when others challenge my faith? Why is an appropriate response important?
- Chapter 27 - What Godly wisdom can I bring to earthly catastrophes? How can my influence make a difference and save lives?
- Chapter 28 - In what area(s) of my faith do I need to persevere? To whom am I called to minister?
Monday, August 29, 2016
Joy and Peace
The last couple of weeks have certainly been challenging, but I'm amazed at how the Lord is transforming my heart! He has given me new joy for my children, an enriched appreciation and love for my husband, and the desire to continue pushing forward in faith for whatever he has in store for our family. It is a very exciting time!
The joy of being within God's will is indescribable. I am so thankful that in the midst of struggles I never have to doubt that I am his.
Our adventures include my new role as Children's Director at church, Carey's upcoming 31st birthday (we love spoiling him!), and praying about where/how God may be leading us to adopt now. We are waiting to have some questions answered regarding our foster care license because there may be some issues if we decide to adopt a child through another means. It is possible our license could be suspended for a matter of time (or worse) if we adopt outside of CPS. While this is a little scary, and we certainly don't want anything to happen to our license, we have complete peace from God that whatever happens is supposed to happen and it's all in his hands. But we hope to hear back sometime this week that we can be placed back on the CPU list again and become available for temporary, respite placements for foster children.
When Carey and I have discussed what God may be doing through everything we've experienced as foster parents, we agree that, regardless of the results, we smile when we think of the precious baby girls we've had the honor of welcoming into our home. We are overjoyed that M will be adopted soon by her aunt and uncle. We are glad that S's removal from her family was the motivation needed for her grandmother to make better choices. We are still sad and miss K, but are assured that we did what we could to help her. And the things I've learned about God - deep, personal, emotional things - could not have been learned any other way. When I thought I was breaking down, the Lord was actually building me up. Now I can say there is some grit to my faith. Now I can say with all my soul, "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 59:16)." Knowing pain means knowing Christ. And while that makes no earthly sense, I cling to it with perseverance.
Now there seems to be a "shift" coming, and it feels similar to the initial inklings God gave me before we began looking into foster care. We know that it is all about God's timing, but I especially feel an increased urge to pursue a specific orphan we have been praying for since last year. But God always affirms these major callings in both of our hearts if it is something we need to do, so prayers for patience (for me) and clarity (for both of us) would be much appreciated!
I don't know what on earth God is doing now in our family, but I am thankful he's given us the strength to continue on the journey. And THANK YOU for being a part!!! :)
The joy of being within God's will is indescribable. I am so thankful that in the midst of struggles I never have to doubt that I am his.
Our adventures include my new role as Children's Director at church, Carey's upcoming 31st birthday (we love spoiling him!), and praying about where/how God may be leading us to adopt now. We are waiting to have some questions answered regarding our foster care license because there may be some issues if we decide to adopt a child through another means. It is possible our license could be suspended for a matter of time (or worse) if we adopt outside of CPS. While this is a little scary, and we certainly don't want anything to happen to our license, we have complete peace from God that whatever happens is supposed to happen and it's all in his hands. But we hope to hear back sometime this week that we can be placed back on the CPU list again and become available for temporary, respite placements for foster children.
When Carey and I have discussed what God may be doing through everything we've experienced as foster parents, we agree that, regardless of the results, we smile when we think of the precious baby girls we've had the honor of welcoming into our home. We are overjoyed that M will be adopted soon by her aunt and uncle. We are glad that S's removal from her family was the motivation needed for her grandmother to make better choices. We are still sad and miss K, but are assured that we did what we could to help her. And the things I've learned about God - deep, personal, emotional things - could not have been learned any other way. When I thought I was breaking down, the Lord was actually building me up. Now I can say there is some grit to my faith. Now I can say with all my soul, "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 59:16)." Knowing pain means knowing Christ. And while that makes no earthly sense, I cling to it with perseverance.
Now there seems to be a "shift" coming, and it feels similar to the initial inklings God gave me before we began looking into foster care. We know that it is all about God's timing, but I especially feel an increased urge to pursue a specific orphan we have been praying for since last year. But God always affirms these major callings in both of our hearts if it is something we need to do, so prayers for patience (for me) and clarity (for both of us) would be much appreciated!
I don't know what on earth God is doing now in our family, but I am thankful he's given us the strength to continue on the journey. And THANK YOU for being a part!!! :)
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Bible Reading Plan (#1)
The Lord has put something on my heart over the last few months. As I have read and studied his word, I started compiling questions to help me evaluate my faith and daily actions. This activity has been so incredibly beneficial to my growth in Christ through recent trials and struggles, so now I would like to share this process with the hope that it will help someone else!
First, I didn't re-invent the wheel here, okay? ;) The format is quite ordinary with an assigned bible passage for each day and two follow-up questions. But the difference is in the substance of the questions: they are real, they cut to the heart, and they are usually hard to swallow. It's challenging to take an honest look at my actions, words, and motives, but God has used these types of questions to equip my faith and encourage me to stop "messing around" in my relationship with him. And it has lead to immense fellowship!
You can either read the passages each day and simply reflect on the questions as the Spirit reveals what he has for you, or you may write your answers in a journal. But it's important to know that these questions won't mean anything if you haven't accepted Jesus as your Savior. Not simply "believe" in God - you must have a personal relationship with Jesus. If that concept sounds foreign to you, then please message/text/email/call me! I would love to show you through God's word how to receive the assurance of salvation.
While "Journey to Grace" is an adoption blog, it's important for readers to know the foundation of my faith (and "why" I do what I do). This first set of readings is only a week long, but I thought it would be a good place to start. I pray this plan will bless your heart!
1 & 2 PETER (7 days)
First, I didn't re-invent the wheel here, okay? ;) The format is quite ordinary with an assigned bible passage for each day and two follow-up questions. But the difference is in the substance of the questions: they are real, they cut to the heart, and they are usually hard to swallow. It's challenging to take an honest look at my actions, words, and motives, but God has used these types of questions to equip my faith and encourage me to stop "messing around" in my relationship with him. And it has lead to immense fellowship!
You can either read the passages each day and simply reflect on the questions as the Spirit reveals what he has for you, or you may write your answers in a journal. But it's important to know that these questions won't mean anything if you haven't accepted Jesus as your Savior. Not simply "believe" in God - you must have a personal relationship with Jesus. If that concept sounds foreign to you, then please message/text/email/call me! I would love to show you through God's word how to receive the assurance of salvation.
While "Journey to Grace" is an adoption blog, it's important for readers to know the foundation of my faith (and "why" I do what I do). This first set of readings is only a week long, but I thought it would be a good place to start. I pray this plan will bless your heart!
1 & 2 PETER (7 days)
- 1 Peter 1 - How do I know God will help me through trials? In what way(s) do I need to "be [more] holy" like God?
- 1 Peter 2 - How should I respond when faced with rejection and/or insults? What will happen when I respond to evil in biblical ways?
- 1 Peter 3 - What can I do to be like-hearted with my spouse and others? How has the Lord allowed me to suffer for doing good?
- 1 Peter 4 - How does my suffering and/or service bring glory to God? What must I do to stay obedient even through trials?
- 1 Peter 5 - How can I be a godly leader or example for others today? What area(s) of my life do I need to fully surrender to God so I may be aware of Satan's schemes?
- 2 Peter 1-2 - What would the Lord like to improve in my service (within my calling)? How can I battle against false teachers and destructive ideologies in a Christ-like way?
- 2 Peter 3 - What earthly temptations battle for my attention? How can I continue guarding my life against sin as I look forward to Christ's return?
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Another Door Closed
I've been dreading this post for days, as I've been afraid my human frustration and anger would take control and belittle the authority of God. However, the Lord has recently given me the stable assurance I need to share with everyone what has happened in the past week. So, to him be the glory!
Last Friday, beautiful Baby K was removed from our home. I received a call around noon and by 2:30 she was gone. Just. Like. That. When I asked the caseworker why the removal was occurring, all he could say was that a few people involved in her case had gone through the proper channels to make it happen. Papers had been signed, we had been notified, and so we scrambled to gather her things and say goodbye.
It's important to understand something: In Texas, foster children can be removed from their foster homes within 45 days for no reason. So, that means if the right people decide to pull a kid from any foster home within that time frame then they can do it. Yes, it's harmful to the children and families involved, but when a certain combination of political powers come to play their game then those kinds of considerations have no gravity. This was the case for us. And what made it even more horrible was the invention of accusations to "seal the deal." Instead of just removing K because they could, reports were filed. And emails were sent. And calls were made. But, thanks to the Lord, we were not the only ones outraged - numerous CPS professionals assured us that we were not alone in our frustration. And they assured us that we had done nothing wrong. It was simply the politics of the situation.
But what about our four-year-old son who sobbed when I told him Baby K was being removed? And what about the anger our extended family and friends have also experienced because of this injustice? The truth is K's removal from our home WAS NOT in her best interest. However, being able to look back on how volatile the case was, I'm starting to understand that it was probably in our family's best interest for her to go. And how that hurts my heart!!! Oh, how I wanted to be the one to advocate for her, and love her, and teach her how to walk, and throw her a princess birthday party, and protect her from evil, and help her grow...I could go on and on. But that's not what the Lord asked of me. So, I cling to his plan - his good, loving, and perfect plan. What has happened makes no earthly sense, but I know God will use it for his glory. He will use my sorrow and anger to refine my faith. He will create something beautiful from these ashes, because he has done it before.
I cried out to the Lord the day K was removed. I told him I didn't want to foster any more babies because it was too painful and the cost was too great. The Spirit was silent for a moment, but then he said, "Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think I can't heal this hurt?" Oh, Lord, forgive me!
Before I woke K up from her nap to get her ready, I prayed and asked God to send me every angel of protection he could spare. And what I experienced instead was the literal feeling of a Savior holding me in my immense sorrow. An instant strength filled my bones. He helped me rise up, wake up the smiling girl who had claimed my heart, and speak words of protection over her. He helped me pack the new clothes that still had tags and find the unopened diapers. He encouraged my heart to write a note to the new foster family so they would have an idea of her schedule and eating habits. And he beckoned me to memorize K's lively gaze and spunky pigtail. And the hardest part was knowing that she, like our other two foster babies, would at least for a short time search for my arms and listen for my voice. Only to find neither. But it's okay, because God knows. He knows. Brokenness is not unfamiliar to the Lord, and I am so thankful that he sympathizes with us in our weaknesses.
So, Carey and I are in uncharted territory! We feel a shift in what God wants to do through us, but not a shift in our calling to adopt or the desire to have a daughter. We see now that everything we have been through as foster parents may have been the only way for God to get us where he wants us to be, even if adopting a baby from foster care isn't the end result. That's the result we had hoped for, but the evidence is now pointing in other directions. We want to maintain our foster care license for the sake of ministry, but we are seeking clarity as to whether or not that means we will eventually welcome another baby into our home or only offer temporary respite care for other foster families. We had assumed that adoption and having a daughter would occur within the same event, but now we see those may be two totally different paths. We are earnestly seeking God's guidance and leading on where to go from here. As this last door with Baby K has been closed by a loving Savior, we lean on him and not our own understanding.
We know we are not alone in our mourning over K's removal. And we also know we are not alone in praying on her behalf. Friends, thank you for encouraging us, listening to our anger, crying with us, and simply for being there. God has blessed us with your friendship and love.
Last Friday, beautiful Baby K was removed from our home. I received a call around noon and by 2:30 she was gone. Just. Like. That. When I asked the caseworker why the removal was occurring, all he could say was that a few people involved in her case had gone through the proper channels to make it happen. Papers had been signed, we had been notified, and so we scrambled to gather her things and say goodbye.
It's important to understand something: In Texas, foster children can be removed from their foster homes within 45 days for no reason. So, that means if the right people decide to pull a kid from any foster home within that time frame then they can do it. Yes, it's harmful to the children and families involved, but when a certain combination of political powers come to play their game then those kinds of considerations have no gravity. This was the case for us. And what made it even more horrible was the invention of accusations to "seal the deal." Instead of just removing K because they could, reports were filed. And emails were sent. And calls were made. But, thanks to the Lord, we were not the only ones outraged - numerous CPS professionals assured us that we were not alone in our frustration. And they assured us that we had done nothing wrong. It was simply the politics of the situation.
But what about our four-year-old son who sobbed when I told him Baby K was being removed? And what about the anger our extended family and friends have also experienced because of this injustice? The truth is K's removal from our home WAS NOT in her best interest. However, being able to look back on how volatile the case was, I'm starting to understand that it was probably in our family's best interest for her to go. And how that hurts my heart!!! Oh, how I wanted to be the one to advocate for her, and love her, and teach her how to walk, and throw her a princess birthday party, and protect her from evil, and help her grow...I could go on and on. But that's not what the Lord asked of me. So, I cling to his plan - his good, loving, and perfect plan. What has happened makes no earthly sense, but I know God will use it for his glory. He will use my sorrow and anger to refine my faith. He will create something beautiful from these ashes, because he has done it before.
I cried out to the Lord the day K was removed. I told him I didn't want to foster any more babies because it was too painful and the cost was too great. The Spirit was silent for a moment, but then he said, "Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think I can't heal this hurt?" Oh, Lord, forgive me!
Before I woke K up from her nap to get her ready, I prayed and asked God to send me every angel of protection he could spare. And what I experienced instead was the literal feeling of a Savior holding me in my immense sorrow. An instant strength filled my bones. He helped me rise up, wake up the smiling girl who had claimed my heart, and speak words of protection over her. He helped me pack the new clothes that still had tags and find the unopened diapers. He encouraged my heart to write a note to the new foster family so they would have an idea of her schedule and eating habits. And he beckoned me to memorize K's lively gaze and spunky pigtail. And the hardest part was knowing that she, like our other two foster babies, would at least for a short time search for my arms and listen for my voice. Only to find neither. But it's okay, because God knows. He knows. Brokenness is not unfamiliar to the Lord, and I am so thankful that he sympathizes with us in our weaknesses.
So, Carey and I are in uncharted territory! We feel a shift in what God wants to do through us, but not a shift in our calling to adopt or the desire to have a daughter. We see now that everything we have been through as foster parents may have been the only way for God to get us where he wants us to be, even if adopting a baby from foster care isn't the end result. That's the result we had hoped for, but the evidence is now pointing in other directions. We want to maintain our foster care license for the sake of ministry, but we are seeking clarity as to whether or not that means we will eventually welcome another baby into our home or only offer temporary respite care for other foster families. We had assumed that adoption and having a daughter would occur within the same event, but now we see those may be two totally different paths. We are earnestly seeking God's guidance and leading on where to go from here. As this last door with Baby K has been closed by a loving Savior, we lean on him and not our own understanding.
We know we are not alone in our mourning over K's removal. And we also know we are not alone in praying on her behalf. Friends, thank you for encouraging us, listening to our anger, crying with us, and simply for being there. God has blessed us with your friendship and love.
Monday, August 1, 2016
The List
At least a couple times a month we receive emails containing the information for all the adoptable children in the state of Texas. While it's certainly understandable that receiving such an email would be heartbreaking, I've found myself becoming more angry as the list of children grows. Not frustrated, not irritated, but ANGRY. Remember when Jesus flipped the money-changers' tables in the temple? Yep, that's the anger I'm talking about.
I'm angry that Satan continues to pour the lie into my heart that, "I'm not doing enough." The assurance of our calling is continually challenged by this pipsqueak who would love nothing more than to help us become disheartened and overwhelmed. He destroys families, and often it's simple to accomplish. How do I know? Because the list keeps growing. Kids continue to be abused, neglected, and separated from their families. So my anger toward Satan's lies leads me to quick repentance before God lest sin overtake my life and my family.
I'm also angry that the government is responsible for taking care of these kids. Public servants sure try their best to care for the kids who come into foster care, but nothing can replace the church. Nothing can replace the Christ-filled hearts God has transformed to fill the gap. And many Christians are already involved in this specific life-saving work, but I wonder how much more could be done if the entire church of God united with one voice to say, "NO MORE!" Imagine a glimpse of the glory we would experience if we refused sin a place in our own homes, neighborhoods, and communities. Because, let's not forget, sin starts in the heart and pushes outward to affect everything. It pushes outward toward children and leaves them helpless and at the mercy of the state. What if EVERY CHRISTIAN in this country was doing something to battle this crisis? I dare say there would no longer be a crisis. And action doesn't mean everyone becomes a foster parent: it means we become more involved in our communities, actually take the time each day to pray like true Jesus-warriors, and stand up for what is right by living our faith instead of merely complaining or debating politics on Facebook. My anger makes me fight harder and live more intentionally for the things that truly affect the cause of the gospel.
I'm angry that so much of our money in this country is spent on programs that are supposed to "help" needy families and the problem is only getting worse. As if throwing money and programs at destitute children can bring their families back. As if it can erase the years of abuse and neglect. As if it is an okay-enough band-aid to heal hearts. Wake up, world, and realize that only Jesus can fix anything. Wake up, politicians, and realize that you are making things worse with your self-proclaimed "wisdom". Wake up, CHRISTIANS, and cause a stink! We are better than this. We can no longer ignore the fact that we are financially bleeding to death and that the funeral is drawing nearer as we continue to turn from God.
I'm angry that God hasn't called me to do more. This kind of anger, of course, is very sinful. When I question why He hasn't given me more responsibility then I question His sovereignty and perfect will. I pridefully ascertain that I know more about my limits and abilities than He does. This anger steals my joy and my peace, and it assumes that God's heart isn't also breaking into a million pieces over every child who needs a home. Lord, forgive me. You know the pain so much more than I ever could. Help me serve within the parameters You have lovingly set.
I invite you to be righteously, but not sinfully, angry with me. I invite you to face the uncomfortable truth of neglected children with square shoulders and a determined grit. I dare you to step into what's foreign to experience what's divine. I challenge you to be Christ to the world, not simply a loud opinion. And while this is a more serious post, I know the message has purpose. And I'm thankful for purpose.
I'm angry that Satan continues to pour the lie into my heart that, "I'm not doing enough." The assurance of our calling is continually challenged by this pipsqueak who would love nothing more than to help us become disheartened and overwhelmed. He destroys families, and often it's simple to accomplish. How do I know? Because the list keeps growing. Kids continue to be abused, neglected, and separated from their families. So my anger toward Satan's lies leads me to quick repentance before God lest sin overtake my life and my family.
I'm also angry that the government is responsible for taking care of these kids. Public servants sure try their best to care for the kids who come into foster care, but nothing can replace the church. Nothing can replace the Christ-filled hearts God has transformed to fill the gap. And many Christians are already involved in this specific life-saving work, but I wonder how much more could be done if the entire church of God united with one voice to say, "NO MORE!" Imagine a glimpse of the glory we would experience if we refused sin a place in our own homes, neighborhoods, and communities. Because, let's not forget, sin starts in the heart and pushes outward to affect everything. It pushes outward toward children and leaves them helpless and at the mercy of the state. What if EVERY CHRISTIAN in this country was doing something to battle this crisis? I dare say there would no longer be a crisis. And action doesn't mean everyone becomes a foster parent: it means we become more involved in our communities, actually take the time each day to pray like true Jesus-warriors, and stand up for what is right by living our faith instead of merely complaining or debating politics on Facebook. My anger makes me fight harder and live more intentionally for the things that truly affect the cause of the gospel.
I'm angry that so much of our money in this country is spent on programs that are supposed to "help" needy families and the problem is only getting worse. As if throwing money and programs at destitute children can bring their families back. As if it can erase the years of abuse and neglect. As if it is an okay-enough band-aid to heal hearts. Wake up, world, and realize that only Jesus can fix anything. Wake up, politicians, and realize that you are making things worse with your self-proclaimed "wisdom". Wake up, CHRISTIANS, and cause a stink! We are better than this. We can no longer ignore the fact that we are financially bleeding to death and that the funeral is drawing nearer as we continue to turn from God.
I'm angry that God hasn't called me to do more. This kind of anger, of course, is very sinful. When I question why He hasn't given me more responsibility then I question His sovereignty and perfect will. I pridefully ascertain that I know more about my limits and abilities than He does. This anger steals my joy and my peace, and it assumes that God's heart isn't also breaking into a million pieces over every child who needs a home. Lord, forgive me. You know the pain so much more than I ever could. Help me serve within the parameters You have lovingly set.
I invite you to be righteously, but not sinfully, angry with me. I invite you to face the uncomfortable truth of neglected children with square shoulders and a determined grit. I dare you to step into what's foreign to experience what's divine. I challenge you to be Christ to the world, not simply a loud opinion. And while this is a more serious post, I know the message has purpose. And I'm thankful for purpose.
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