The last couple of weeks have certainly been challenging, but I'm amazed at how the Lord is transforming my heart! He has given me new joy for my children, an enriched appreciation and love for my husband, and the desire to continue pushing forward in faith for whatever he has in store for our family. It is a very exciting time!
The joy of being within God's will is indescribable. I am so thankful that in the midst of struggles I never have to doubt that I am his.
Our adventures include my new role as Children's Director at church, Carey's upcoming 31st birthday (we love spoiling him!), and praying about where/how God may be leading us to adopt now. We are waiting to have some questions answered regarding our foster care license because there may be some issues if we decide to adopt a child through another means. It is possible our license could be suspended for a matter of time (or worse) if we adopt outside of CPS. While this is a little scary, and we certainly don't want anything to happen to our license, we have complete peace from God that whatever happens is supposed to happen and it's all in his hands. But we hope to hear back sometime this week that we can be placed back on the CPU list again and become available for temporary, respite placements for foster children.
When Carey and I have discussed what God may be doing through everything we've experienced as foster parents, we agree that, regardless of the results, we smile when we think of the precious baby girls we've had the honor of welcoming into our home. We are overjoyed that M will be adopted soon by her aunt and uncle. We are glad that S's removal from her family was the motivation needed for her grandmother to make better choices. We are still sad and miss K, but are assured that we did what we could to help her. And the things I've learned about God - deep, personal, emotional things - could not have been learned any other way. When I thought I was breaking down, the Lord was actually building me up. Now I can say there is some grit to my faith. Now I can say with all my soul, "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 59:16)." Knowing pain means knowing Christ. And while that makes no earthly sense, I cling to it with perseverance.
Now there seems to be a "shift" coming, and it feels similar to the initial inklings God gave me before we began looking into foster care. We know that it is all about God's timing, but I especially feel an increased urge to pursue a specific orphan we have been praying for since last year. But God always affirms these major callings in both of our hearts if it is something we need to do, so prayers for patience (for me) and clarity (for both of us) would be much appreciated!
I don't know what on earth God is doing now in our family, but I am thankful he's given us the strength to continue on the journey. And THANK YOU for being a part!!! :)
Monday, August 29, 2016
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Bible Reading Plan (#1)
The Lord has put something on my heart over the last few months. As I have read and studied his word, I started compiling questions to help me evaluate my faith and daily actions. This activity has been so incredibly beneficial to my growth in Christ through recent trials and struggles, so now I would like to share this process with the hope that it will help someone else!
First, I didn't re-invent the wheel here, okay? ;) The format is quite ordinary with an assigned bible passage for each day and two follow-up questions. But the difference is in the substance of the questions: they are real, they cut to the heart, and they are usually hard to swallow. It's challenging to take an honest look at my actions, words, and motives, but God has used these types of questions to equip my faith and encourage me to stop "messing around" in my relationship with him. And it has lead to immense fellowship!
You can either read the passages each day and simply reflect on the questions as the Spirit reveals what he has for you, or you may write your answers in a journal. But it's important to know that these questions won't mean anything if you haven't accepted Jesus as your Savior. Not simply "believe" in God - you must have a personal relationship with Jesus. If that concept sounds foreign to you, then please message/text/email/call me! I would love to show you through God's word how to receive the assurance of salvation.
While "Journey to Grace" is an adoption blog, it's important for readers to know the foundation of my faith (and "why" I do what I do). This first set of readings is only a week long, but I thought it would be a good place to start. I pray this plan will bless your heart!
1 & 2 PETER (7 days)
First, I didn't re-invent the wheel here, okay? ;) The format is quite ordinary with an assigned bible passage for each day and two follow-up questions. But the difference is in the substance of the questions: they are real, they cut to the heart, and they are usually hard to swallow. It's challenging to take an honest look at my actions, words, and motives, but God has used these types of questions to equip my faith and encourage me to stop "messing around" in my relationship with him. And it has lead to immense fellowship!
You can either read the passages each day and simply reflect on the questions as the Spirit reveals what he has for you, or you may write your answers in a journal. But it's important to know that these questions won't mean anything if you haven't accepted Jesus as your Savior. Not simply "believe" in God - you must have a personal relationship with Jesus. If that concept sounds foreign to you, then please message/text/email/call me! I would love to show you through God's word how to receive the assurance of salvation.
While "Journey to Grace" is an adoption blog, it's important for readers to know the foundation of my faith (and "why" I do what I do). This first set of readings is only a week long, but I thought it would be a good place to start. I pray this plan will bless your heart!
1 & 2 PETER (7 days)
- 1 Peter 1 - How do I know God will help me through trials? In what way(s) do I need to "be [more] holy" like God?
- 1 Peter 2 - How should I respond when faced with rejection and/or insults? What will happen when I respond to evil in biblical ways?
- 1 Peter 3 - What can I do to be like-hearted with my spouse and others? How has the Lord allowed me to suffer for doing good?
- 1 Peter 4 - How does my suffering and/or service bring glory to God? What must I do to stay obedient even through trials?
- 1 Peter 5 - How can I be a godly leader or example for others today? What area(s) of my life do I need to fully surrender to God so I may be aware of Satan's schemes?
- 2 Peter 1-2 - What would the Lord like to improve in my service (within my calling)? How can I battle against false teachers and destructive ideologies in a Christ-like way?
- 2 Peter 3 - What earthly temptations battle for my attention? How can I continue guarding my life against sin as I look forward to Christ's return?
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Another Door Closed
I've been dreading this post for days, as I've been afraid my human frustration and anger would take control and belittle the authority of God. However, the Lord has recently given me the stable assurance I need to share with everyone what has happened in the past week. So, to him be the glory!
Last Friday, beautiful Baby K was removed from our home. I received a call around noon and by 2:30 she was gone. Just. Like. That. When I asked the caseworker why the removal was occurring, all he could say was that a few people involved in her case had gone through the proper channels to make it happen. Papers had been signed, we had been notified, and so we scrambled to gather her things and say goodbye.
It's important to understand something: In Texas, foster children can be removed from their foster homes within 45 days for no reason. So, that means if the right people decide to pull a kid from any foster home within that time frame then they can do it. Yes, it's harmful to the children and families involved, but when a certain combination of political powers come to play their game then those kinds of considerations have no gravity. This was the case for us. And what made it even more horrible was the invention of accusations to "seal the deal." Instead of just removing K because they could, reports were filed. And emails were sent. And calls were made. But, thanks to the Lord, we were not the only ones outraged - numerous CPS professionals assured us that we were not alone in our frustration. And they assured us that we had done nothing wrong. It was simply the politics of the situation.
But what about our four-year-old son who sobbed when I told him Baby K was being removed? And what about the anger our extended family and friends have also experienced because of this injustice? The truth is K's removal from our home WAS NOT in her best interest. However, being able to look back on how volatile the case was, I'm starting to understand that it was probably in our family's best interest for her to go. And how that hurts my heart!!! Oh, how I wanted to be the one to advocate for her, and love her, and teach her how to walk, and throw her a princess birthday party, and protect her from evil, and help her grow...I could go on and on. But that's not what the Lord asked of me. So, I cling to his plan - his good, loving, and perfect plan. What has happened makes no earthly sense, but I know God will use it for his glory. He will use my sorrow and anger to refine my faith. He will create something beautiful from these ashes, because he has done it before.
I cried out to the Lord the day K was removed. I told him I didn't want to foster any more babies because it was too painful and the cost was too great. The Spirit was silent for a moment, but then he said, "Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think I can't heal this hurt?" Oh, Lord, forgive me!
Before I woke K up from her nap to get her ready, I prayed and asked God to send me every angel of protection he could spare. And what I experienced instead was the literal feeling of a Savior holding me in my immense sorrow. An instant strength filled my bones. He helped me rise up, wake up the smiling girl who had claimed my heart, and speak words of protection over her. He helped me pack the new clothes that still had tags and find the unopened diapers. He encouraged my heart to write a note to the new foster family so they would have an idea of her schedule and eating habits. And he beckoned me to memorize K's lively gaze and spunky pigtail. And the hardest part was knowing that she, like our other two foster babies, would at least for a short time search for my arms and listen for my voice. Only to find neither. But it's okay, because God knows. He knows. Brokenness is not unfamiliar to the Lord, and I am so thankful that he sympathizes with us in our weaknesses.
So, Carey and I are in uncharted territory! We feel a shift in what God wants to do through us, but not a shift in our calling to adopt or the desire to have a daughter. We see now that everything we have been through as foster parents may have been the only way for God to get us where he wants us to be, even if adopting a baby from foster care isn't the end result. That's the result we had hoped for, but the evidence is now pointing in other directions. We want to maintain our foster care license for the sake of ministry, but we are seeking clarity as to whether or not that means we will eventually welcome another baby into our home or only offer temporary respite care for other foster families. We had assumed that adoption and having a daughter would occur within the same event, but now we see those may be two totally different paths. We are earnestly seeking God's guidance and leading on where to go from here. As this last door with Baby K has been closed by a loving Savior, we lean on him and not our own understanding.
We know we are not alone in our mourning over K's removal. And we also know we are not alone in praying on her behalf. Friends, thank you for encouraging us, listening to our anger, crying with us, and simply for being there. God has blessed us with your friendship and love.
Last Friday, beautiful Baby K was removed from our home. I received a call around noon and by 2:30 she was gone. Just. Like. That. When I asked the caseworker why the removal was occurring, all he could say was that a few people involved in her case had gone through the proper channels to make it happen. Papers had been signed, we had been notified, and so we scrambled to gather her things and say goodbye.
It's important to understand something: In Texas, foster children can be removed from their foster homes within 45 days for no reason. So, that means if the right people decide to pull a kid from any foster home within that time frame then they can do it. Yes, it's harmful to the children and families involved, but when a certain combination of political powers come to play their game then those kinds of considerations have no gravity. This was the case for us. And what made it even more horrible was the invention of accusations to "seal the deal." Instead of just removing K because they could, reports were filed. And emails were sent. And calls were made. But, thanks to the Lord, we were not the only ones outraged - numerous CPS professionals assured us that we were not alone in our frustration. And they assured us that we had done nothing wrong. It was simply the politics of the situation.
But what about our four-year-old son who sobbed when I told him Baby K was being removed? And what about the anger our extended family and friends have also experienced because of this injustice? The truth is K's removal from our home WAS NOT in her best interest. However, being able to look back on how volatile the case was, I'm starting to understand that it was probably in our family's best interest for her to go. And how that hurts my heart!!! Oh, how I wanted to be the one to advocate for her, and love her, and teach her how to walk, and throw her a princess birthday party, and protect her from evil, and help her grow...I could go on and on. But that's not what the Lord asked of me. So, I cling to his plan - his good, loving, and perfect plan. What has happened makes no earthly sense, but I know God will use it for his glory. He will use my sorrow and anger to refine my faith. He will create something beautiful from these ashes, because he has done it before.
I cried out to the Lord the day K was removed. I told him I didn't want to foster any more babies because it was too painful and the cost was too great. The Spirit was silent for a moment, but then he said, "Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think I can't heal this hurt?" Oh, Lord, forgive me!
Before I woke K up from her nap to get her ready, I prayed and asked God to send me every angel of protection he could spare. And what I experienced instead was the literal feeling of a Savior holding me in my immense sorrow. An instant strength filled my bones. He helped me rise up, wake up the smiling girl who had claimed my heart, and speak words of protection over her. He helped me pack the new clothes that still had tags and find the unopened diapers. He encouraged my heart to write a note to the new foster family so they would have an idea of her schedule and eating habits. And he beckoned me to memorize K's lively gaze and spunky pigtail. And the hardest part was knowing that she, like our other two foster babies, would at least for a short time search for my arms and listen for my voice. Only to find neither. But it's okay, because God knows. He knows. Brokenness is not unfamiliar to the Lord, and I am so thankful that he sympathizes with us in our weaknesses.
So, Carey and I are in uncharted territory! We feel a shift in what God wants to do through us, but not a shift in our calling to adopt or the desire to have a daughter. We see now that everything we have been through as foster parents may have been the only way for God to get us where he wants us to be, even if adopting a baby from foster care isn't the end result. That's the result we had hoped for, but the evidence is now pointing in other directions. We want to maintain our foster care license for the sake of ministry, but we are seeking clarity as to whether or not that means we will eventually welcome another baby into our home or only offer temporary respite care for other foster families. We had assumed that adoption and having a daughter would occur within the same event, but now we see those may be two totally different paths. We are earnestly seeking God's guidance and leading on where to go from here. As this last door with Baby K has been closed by a loving Savior, we lean on him and not our own understanding.
We know we are not alone in our mourning over K's removal. And we also know we are not alone in praying on her behalf. Friends, thank you for encouraging us, listening to our anger, crying with us, and simply for being there. God has blessed us with your friendship and love.
Monday, August 1, 2016
The List
At least a couple times a month we receive emails containing the information for all the adoptable children in the state of Texas. While it's certainly understandable that receiving such an email would be heartbreaking, I've found myself becoming more angry as the list of children grows. Not frustrated, not irritated, but ANGRY. Remember when Jesus flipped the money-changers' tables in the temple? Yep, that's the anger I'm talking about.
I'm angry that Satan continues to pour the lie into my heart that, "I'm not doing enough." The assurance of our calling is continually challenged by this pipsqueak who would love nothing more than to help us become disheartened and overwhelmed. He destroys families, and often it's simple to accomplish. How do I know? Because the list keeps growing. Kids continue to be abused, neglected, and separated from their families. So my anger toward Satan's lies leads me to quick repentance before God lest sin overtake my life and my family.
I'm also angry that the government is responsible for taking care of these kids. Public servants sure try their best to care for the kids who come into foster care, but nothing can replace the church. Nothing can replace the Christ-filled hearts God has transformed to fill the gap. And many Christians are already involved in this specific life-saving work, but I wonder how much more could be done if the entire church of God united with one voice to say, "NO MORE!" Imagine a glimpse of the glory we would experience if we refused sin a place in our own homes, neighborhoods, and communities. Because, let's not forget, sin starts in the heart and pushes outward to affect everything. It pushes outward toward children and leaves them helpless and at the mercy of the state. What if EVERY CHRISTIAN in this country was doing something to battle this crisis? I dare say there would no longer be a crisis. And action doesn't mean everyone becomes a foster parent: it means we become more involved in our communities, actually take the time each day to pray like true Jesus-warriors, and stand up for what is right by living our faith instead of merely complaining or debating politics on Facebook. My anger makes me fight harder and live more intentionally for the things that truly affect the cause of the gospel.
I'm angry that so much of our money in this country is spent on programs that are supposed to "help" needy families and the problem is only getting worse. As if throwing money and programs at destitute children can bring their families back. As if it can erase the years of abuse and neglect. As if it is an okay-enough band-aid to heal hearts. Wake up, world, and realize that only Jesus can fix anything. Wake up, politicians, and realize that you are making things worse with your self-proclaimed "wisdom". Wake up, CHRISTIANS, and cause a stink! We are better than this. We can no longer ignore the fact that we are financially bleeding to death and that the funeral is drawing nearer as we continue to turn from God.
I'm angry that God hasn't called me to do more. This kind of anger, of course, is very sinful. When I question why He hasn't given me more responsibility then I question His sovereignty and perfect will. I pridefully ascertain that I know more about my limits and abilities than He does. This anger steals my joy and my peace, and it assumes that God's heart isn't also breaking into a million pieces over every child who needs a home. Lord, forgive me. You know the pain so much more than I ever could. Help me serve within the parameters You have lovingly set.
I invite you to be righteously, but not sinfully, angry with me. I invite you to face the uncomfortable truth of neglected children with square shoulders and a determined grit. I dare you to step into what's foreign to experience what's divine. I challenge you to be Christ to the world, not simply a loud opinion. And while this is a more serious post, I know the message has purpose. And I'm thankful for purpose.
I'm angry that Satan continues to pour the lie into my heart that, "I'm not doing enough." The assurance of our calling is continually challenged by this pipsqueak who would love nothing more than to help us become disheartened and overwhelmed. He destroys families, and often it's simple to accomplish. How do I know? Because the list keeps growing. Kids continue to be abused, neglected, and separated from their families. So my anger toward Satan's lies leads me to quick repentance before God lest sin overtake my life and my family.
I'm also angry that the government is responsible for taking care of these kids. Public servants sure try their best to care for the kids who come into foster care, but nothing can replace the church. Nothing can replace the Christ-filled hearts God has transformed to fill the gap. And many Christians are already involved in this specific life-saving work, but I wonder how much more could be done if the entire church of God united with one voice to say, "NO MORE!" Imagine a glimpse of the glory we would experience if we refused sin a place in our own homes, neighborhoods, and communities. Because, let's not forget, sin starts in the heart and pushes outward to affect everything. It pushes outward toward children and leaves them helpless and at the mercy of the state. What if EVERY CHRISTIAN in this country was doing something to battle this crisis? I dare say there would no longer be a crisis. And action doesn't mean everyone becomes a foster parent: it means we become more involved in our communities, actually take the time each day to pray like true Jesus-warriors, and stand up for what is right by living our faith instead of merely complaining or debating politics on Facebook. My anger makes me fight harder and live more intentionally for the things that truly affect the cause of the gospel.
I'm angry that so much of our money in this country is spent on programs that are supposed to "help" needy families and the problem is only getting worse. As if throwing money and programs at destitute children can bring their families back. As if it can erase the years of abuse and neglect. As if it is an okay-enough band-aid to heal hearts. Wake up, world, and realize that only Jesus can fix anything. Wake up, politicians, and realize that you are making things worse with your self-proclaimed "wisdom". Wake up, CHRISTIANS, and cause a stink! We are better than this. We can no longer ignore the fact that we are financially bleeding to death and that the funeral is drawing nearer as we continue to turn from God.
I'm angry that God hasn't called me to do more. This kind of anger, of course, is very sinful. When I question why He hasn't given me more responsibility then I question His sovereignty and perfect will. I pridefully ascertain that I know more about my limits and abilities than He does. This anger steals my joy and my peace, and it assumes that God's heart isn't also breaking into a million pieces over every child who needs a home. Lord, forgive me. You know the pain so much more than I ever could. Help me serve within the parameters You have lovingly set.
I invite you to be righteously, but not sinfully, angry with me. I invite you to face the uncomfortable truth of neglected children with square shoulders and a determined grit. I dare you to step into what's foreign to experience what's divine. I challenge you to be Christ to the world, not simply a loud opinion. And while this is a more serious post, I know the message has purpose. And I'm thankful for purpose.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Our New Sweetie!
"Hello, Mrs. Leah?"
"Yes, that's me. Do you have a baby girl who needs a home?"
"Yes, I sure do! You are the first person I called. Here's what I know..."
After four weeks of accepting calls, we started to learn the CPU ("Child Placing Unit") workers' names! This particular worker, we'll call her Gloria, had called several times before and mentioned that she was keeping a special eye out for a baby for us. And when I heard her voice I just knew it was finally going to happen. She was the same one who had called about Baby S. Gloria told us everything she knew about Baby K and I could barely keep from interrupting her with a loud "YES!" My heart was about to jump out of my chest as the Lord's peace ripped all my previous anxiety and anticipation to shreds. The last week of waiting had been especially hard and prayers were the only thing holding my emotions together. When I felt overwhelmed, I prayed. When I felt impatient, I prayed. When I felt bored, irritated, and annoyed at life, I prayed. And then I cleaned my house! So, I'm very happy to say that my prayer life has never been better and my house has never been cleaner, ha!
For weeks I had felt like the Lord was saying, "Today is the day!" Turned out it was just my own excitement throwing me for a loop, because then I did actually hear the Lord say, "She's coming today." His voice was quite different than the voices my own brain had created: his was gentle, mine was boisterous. His was calming, mine was prideful. His voice only came after diligent, knee-felt prayer that resulted in tired shoulders and stiff legs. His voice was only audible when I was ready to listen with all of my being. And, even then, God's voice wasn't loud. I very well could have missed his words, so I am thankful he opened my heart to listen. And then, at 7:30 in the evening, we received the call!
We still don't know much about Baby K, but we do know she came into care when her mother left her with a friend and never came back. We have no idea why this happened, but after briefly interacting with K's mom at the first family visit the Lord impressed on my heart that K's abandonment was not because her mother intentionally left her but because she felt she had no other option. It was easy to see that she desperately loves her child (as any mother would). However, the expression on K's face when her mother first picked her up was blank and emotionless. It was like K didn't even know her. And I think back about that interaction and wonder if I'm just being judgmental, but I can't get K's look of confusion out of my mind. And I can't get the feeling of sorrow out of my heart for the mother who is attempting to get her child back but has many obstacles to overcome. This broken family stuff is such a mess! All I can do is continue praying for God's will to be done in K's life just like we did for M and S.
Precious K is full of life and happiness! Her endless smiles and chatter are a delight, and her wild hair seems to perfectly represent her vivacious personality. She hasn't met a food she doesn't like, so she's quite a hefty girl. And she doesn't hold still for very long because she either chases the boys around the house or follows me around from room to room like a little puppy. It's a common occurrence to hear her babbling "ma-ma" when she's sad or wants something and "da-da" when she's feeling especially silly (go figure). Baby K will be one-year-old in October, and I'd be willing to bet she'll be walking way before then! She also likes to blow raspberries, which our boys think is absolutely hilarious. The challenges so far include feeding her enough at each meal (lol) and figuring out which clothes she's already outgrown. And with today marking a week that she's been in our home, we sure are glad to have her lively presence bring even more joy to our family.
We found out a few days ago that Baby K has the SAME JUDGE as Baby M! This is an amazing blessing. I look forward to attending her hearings and being able to express K's wonderful progress and happiness to the judge who was so encouraging when M left. As a child of God, I don't believe in coincidences, so this was one of those "Hey, Leah, look at this impossible thing I just made happen" moments from God. He is so amazing!!! All glory to the Lord.
Please pray for us as we wait for K's insurance information to arrive (she came to us with no medical records). Also, K's mother only speaks Spanish, so I will be writing and translating a letter to give her at the next family visit. I don't know exactly what I will write yet...but I know the Lord will give me the words. Please pray that my words would provide healing, encouragement, and support to K's mother. And thank you for the many ways you all support our family! We are blessed beyond measure to have such a great "village" of family members, friends, and church family to help us along this journey.
The "grit" in my faith - the result of sufferings, trials, and losses - is spreading a message of sacrifice within
"Yes, that's me. Do you have a baby girl who needs a home?"
"Yes, I sure do! You are the first person I called. Here's what I know..."
After four weeks of accepting calls, we started to learn the CPU ("Child Placing Unit") workers' names! This particular worker, we'll call her Gloria, had called several times before and mentioned that she was keeping a special eye out for a baby for us. And when I heard her voice I just knew it was finally going to happen. She was the same one who had called about Baby S. Gloria told us everything she knew about Baby K and I could barely keep from interrupting her with a loud "YES!" My heart was about to jump out of my chest as the Lord's peace ripped all my previous anxiety and anticipation to shreds. The last week of waiting had been especially hard and prayers were the only thing holding my emotions together. When I felt overwhelmed, I prayed. When I felt impatient, I prayed. When I felt bored, irritated, and annoyed at life, I prayed. And then I cleaned my house! So, I'm very happy to say that my prayer life has never been better and my house has never been cleaner, ha!
For weeks I had felt like the Lord was saying, "Today is the day!" Turned out it was just my own excitement throwing me for a loop, because then I did actually hear the Lord say, "She's coming today." His voice was quite different than the voices my own brain had created: his was gentle, mine was boisterous. His was calming, mine was prideful. His voice only came after diligent, knee-felt prayer that resulted in tired shoulders and stiff legs. His voice was only audible when I was ready to listen with all of my being. And, even then, God's voice wasn't loud. I very well could have missed his words, so I am thankful he opened my heart to listen. And then, at 7:30 in the evening, we received the call!
We still don't know much about Baby K, but we do know she came into care when her mother left her with a friend and never came back. We have no idea why this happened, but after briefly interacting with K's mom at the first family visit the Lord impressed on my heart that K's abandonment was not because her mother intentionally left her but because she felt she had no other option. It was easy to see that she desperately loves her child (as any mother would). However, the expression on K's face when her mother first picked her up was blank and emotionless. It was like K didn't even know her. And I think back about that interaction and wonder if I'm just being judgmental, but I can't get K's look of confusion out of my mind. And I can't get the feeling of sorrow out of my heart for the mother who is attempting to get her child back but has many obstacles to overcome. This broken family stuff is such a mess! All I can do is continue praying for God's will to be done in K's life just like we did for M and S.
Precious K is full of life and happiness! Her endless smiles and chatter are a delight, and her wild hair seems to perfectly represent her vivacious personality. She hasn't met a food she doesn't like, so she's quite a hefty girl. And she doesn't hold still for very long because she either chases the boys around the house or follows me around from room to room like a little puppy. It's a common occurrence to hear her babbling "ma-ma" when she's sad or wants something and "da-da" when she's feeling especially silly (go figure). Baby K will be one-year-old in October, and I'd be willing to bet she'll be walking way before then! She also likes to blow raspberries, which our boys think is absolutely hilarious. The challenges so far include feeding her enough at each meal (lol) and figuring out which clothes she's already outgrown. And with today marking a week that she's been in our home, we sure are glad to have her lively presence bring even more joy to our family.
We found out a few days ago that Baby K has the SAME JUDGE as Baby M! This is an amazing blessing. I look forward to attending her hearings and being able to express K's wonderful progress and happiness to the judge who was so encouraging when M left. As a child of God, I don't believe in coincidences, so this was one of those "Hey, Leah, look at this impossible thing I just made happen" moments from God. He is so amazing!!! All glory to the Lord.
Please pray for us as we wait for K's insurance information to arrive (she came to us with no medical records). Also, K's mother only speaks Spanish, so I will be writing and translating a letter to give her at the next family visit. I don't know exactly what I will write yet...but I know the Lord will give me the words. Please pray that my words would provide healing, encouragement, and support to K's mother. And thank you for the many ways you all support our family! We are blessed beyond measure to have such a great "village" of family members, friends, and church family to help us along this journey.
The "grit" in my faith - the result of sufferings, trials, and losses - is spreading a message of sacrifice within
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Year 2
Last week was our one-year anniversary as foster parents! And I think, "Sheesh. It's only been ONE year?!" I say that with humor, but I also say it with the beckoning reality that this year has been wild...for a variety of reasons.
Let's review, shall we?
June 23, 2015: We said "yes" to accepting our first foster baby, a sweet 3-week-old with jet black hair and a tiny frame. We fell in love with Baby M the instant we met her!
August 2, 2015: Carey and I went on another mission trip to Costa Rica and were once again blown away by the blessings and workings of God! Such an honor to be apart.
October-November 2015: I experienced a healing miracle of God! We also dressed up as the Peter Pan crew for Halloween and celebrated M's first Thanksgiving.
December 2015: We received word that a good family match had been found for M. This was the fourth attempt to place her with family, so we were still optimistic that she would stay with us.
January 2016: We celebrated our oldest son's fourth birthday and our youngest son's 2nd birthday! We also met with M's relatives for the first time.
February 2016: We received word that Baby M would for sure be placed with her aunt and uncle. It was a very emotional month...and on top of everything, we started the process of looking for a new home closer to Carey's job!
March 2, 2016 (the date that will forever be stuck in my mind): This was the day we said goodbye to M after being her family for eight-and-a-half months. We drove to the courthouse, expressed to the judge how much we loved her, and sorrowfully went home as she was taken to her biological family. I reflect on the cute sweater outfit she was wearing and the way she grabbed my cheeks while tears fell. My soul thanks God for a tenderhearted husband who tried to pray but couldn't get the words out. I'm grateful for my mother-in-law who accompanied us and thought to take pictures of our last goodbyes. I whispered the words, "It's going to be okay," over and over as I stroked M's hair and deposited the feeling of being her mother deep into my being - I never wanted to forget what it was like to be her mother. And I still haven't forgotten.
March 18-19, 2016: We moved! The Lord blessed us with an amazing home that is FAR beyond what we could have ever imagined. It was a welcome distraction from grief, and a beautiful display of God's grace in the midst of trials.
April 2016: We made arrangements and preparations for our new home to be ready for another foster baby. It was a bit tedious, but we did it!
May 2016: Another emotional month. M celebrated her first birthday, and we also accepted our second foster baby, Baby S, into our home. It didn't take long to realize this second experience would be drastically different, but we relied on the Lord for protection and guidance.
June 2016: Baby S was returned to her grandmother after being in our care for a little over a month. Kissing her cheeks is what I miss the most, and our home is certainly different without her. We also received several "hopeful" calls for other foster babies, but none of them have panned out. God is asking us to wait again, and so we wait!
So, what is the take away?
I now understand that my definition of love wasn't love at all.
For example, I have always "loved" my husband. But that love was subconsciously under the terms of what I was getting out of the relationship. My attitude was, "What's in it for me?" Once that realization kicked in, the Lord showed me that ALL my relationships fell under this false understanding of love. It was, and still is, quite humbling. Now I seek to truly love others the way Christ loves them - with sacrifice and a willingness to see things through even when it's gut-wrenching tough! I am certainly nowhere close to being good at loving like this, but holding precious foster babies who have nothing to give in return sure is a good start.
You see, love CAN'T be self-seeking. Real love doesn't have a single ounce of pride, selfishness, or arrogance. Not a single ounce. God summed it up one day by asking me, "Will you love even when you get nothing out of it? And even when people make false accusations? And even if you get hurt? Will you love even if it costs you everything? Because that's my kind of love." This kind of sacrificial love isn't popular and it certainly doesn't meet the world's demand that, "love is love." No, friends, love isn't something we get to define to make ourselves feel better or to justify how we want to live our lives. Love is not doing whatever makes us happy so we can have temporary feelings of security and acceptance. Love transcends far beyond an emotional experience and a physical relationship. Love is something we need, yes, but more importantly it's something we must seek out in the right way so we can experience it's true fullness and peace. We have to tirelessly guard our very souls against the cheap substitutions of love that the world crams down our throats so we can sell out for real love - the Savior's love.
One of the most heartbreaking things for me is that many people want nothing to do with the very cure that will literally save their lives. All I know is Christ's love has saved my life, so I will continue on with the mission. I will continue LIVING MY FAITH because I know the suffering in this life pales in comparison to the complete fulfillment I'll receive in eternity. So, come Lord Jesus, come.
And if that's what God taught me in only the first year of fostering, I can't wait to see what he has in store for the second year.
Let's review, shall we?
June 23, 2015: We said "yes" to accepting our first foster baby, a sweet 3-week-old with jet black hair and a tiny frame. We fell in love with Baby M the instant we met her!
August 2, 2015: Carey and I went on another mission trip to Costa Rica and were once again blown away by the blessings and workings of God! Such an honor to be apart.
October-November 2015: I experienced a healing miracle of God! We also dressed up as the Peter Pan crew for Halloween and celebrated M's first Thanksgiving.
December 2015: We received word that a good family match had been found for M. This was the fourth attempt to place her with family, so we were still optimistic that she would stay with us.
January 2016: We celebrated our oldest son's fourth birthday and our youngest son's 2nd birthday! We also met with M's relatives for the first time.
February 2016: We received word that Baby M would for sure be placed with her aunt and uncle. It was a very emotional month...and on top of everything, we started the process of looking for a new home closer to Carey's job!
March 2, 2016 (the date that will forever be stuck in my mind): This was the day we said goodbye to M after being her family for eight-and-a-half months. We drove to the courthouse, expressed to the judge how much we loved her, and sorrowfully went home as she was taken to her biological family. I reflect on the cute sweater outfit she was wearing and the way she grabbed my cheeks while tears fell. My soul thanks God for a tenderhearted husband who tried to pray but couldn't get the words out. I'm grateful for my mother-in-law who accompanied us and thought to take pictures of our last goodbyes. I whispered the words, "It's going to be okay," over and over as I stroked M's hair and deposited the feeling of being her mother deep into my being - I never wanted to forget what it was like to be her mother. And I still haven't forgotten.
March 18-19, 2016: We moved! The Lord blessed us with an amazing home that is FAR beyond what we could have ever imagined. It was a welcome distraction from grief, and a beautiful display of God's grace in the midst of trials.
April 2016: We made arrangements and preparations for our new home to be ready for another foster baby. It was a bit tedious, but we did it!
May 2016: Another emotional month. M celebrated her first birthday, and we also accepted our second foster baby, Baby S, into our home. It didn't take long to realize this second experience would be drastically different, but we relied on the Lord for protection and guidance.
June 2016: Baby S was returned to her grandmother after being in our care for a little over a month. Kissing her cheeks is what I miss the most, and our home is certainly different without her. We also received several "hopeful" calls for other foster babies, but none of them have panned out. God is asking us to wait again, and so we wait!
So, what is the take away?
I now understand that my definition of love wasn't love at all.
For example, I have always "loved" my husband. But that love was subconsciously under the terms of what I was getting out of the relationship. My attitude was, "What's in it for me?" Once that realization kicked in, the Lord showed me that ALL my relationships fell under this false understanding of love. It was, and still is, quite humbling. Now I seek to truly love others the way Christ loves them - with sacrifice and a willingness to see things through even when it's gut-wrenching tough! I am certainly nowhere close to being good at loving like this, but holding precious foster babies who have nothing to give in return sure is a good start.
You see, love CAN'T be self-seeking. Real love doesn't have a single ounce of pride, selfishness, or arrogance. Not a single ounce. God summed it up one day by asking me, "Will you love even when you get nothing out of it? And even when people make false accusations? And even if you get hurt? Will you love even if it costs you everything? Because that's my kind of love." This kind of sacrificial love isn't popular and it certainly doesn't meet the world's demand that, "love is love." No, friends, love isn't something we get to define to make ourselves feel better or to justify how we want to live our lives. Love is not doing whatever makes us happy so we can have temporary feelings of security and acceptance. Love transcends far beyond an emotional experience and a physical relationship. Love is something we need, yes, but more importantly it's something we must seek out in the right way so we can experience it's true fullness and peace. We have to tirelessly guard our very souls against the cheap substitutions of love that the world crams down our throats so we can sell out for real love - the Savior's love.
One of the most heartbreaking things for me is that many people want nothing to do with the very cure that will literally save their lives. All I know is Christ's love has saved my life, so I will continue on with the mission. I will continue LIVING MY FAITH because I know the suffering in this life pales in comparison to the complete fulfillment I'll receive in eternity. So, come Lord Jesus, come.
And if that's what God taught me in only the first year of fostering, I can't wait to see what he has in store for the second year.
Friday, June 17, 2016
The "In Between"
A burp cloth here, a diaper there. Baby toys, gadgets, and bottles stay in plain view and the last of the baby girl clothes are washed and tucked away. The car seat base is still attached in the van, and the doctor's appointment for next week still needs to be cancelled. I glance through recent pictures of our boys giving Baby S kisses, hugs, and tickles. I calmly respond to our two-and-a-half-year-old when he questions Baby S's whereabouts and remind him that she is with her grandmother now. The baby sling stays heaped up the car and will eventually be pushed under the seat until it's time to be used again. The nights are oh so quiet without the occasional sound of a baby's whimpers. And my arms feel strange to not be holding Baby S.
I say all this, and I am amazed at how the Lord knits hearts together in such a short time. And I am amazed at the calmness I feel even though Baby S has left our home. We knew ahead of time that her stay with us would most likely be temporary, so that's made things a little easier. But the "in between" - waiting for the next placement (which could literally happen at ANY moment) - is such an odd experience this time. There's empty time that was once filled with feeding and caring for a baby. There are empty laps that once bounced a baby while we ate dinner. This time around I don't have my grief to keep me company, even though there certainly is some sadness. And I don't know what to do about this "weirdness." I've never experienced something like this "in between."
But I do know one thing - God doesn't want me to fear this new status. He wants me to embrace it by spending more time with my boys and pouring his love into them. Soon we'll have another foster baby, but until then I'm soaking up every extra moment of rest.
Baby S is a sweet 4-month-old. We only had her a month, but with the Lord's help we were able to get her on a good eating/sleeping schedule. Also, she barely threw any more "fits" (from not being held) by the time she left us, so I'm glad we were able to nurture her AND help her learn a little self-soothing. Watching her learn to play with toys was a sweet experience, and the way she would always smile while laying on the changing table (because she knew we would talk and sing to her) was just precious! The last night we had her she even rolled over in bed, so we were glad to have witnessed an important physical milestone. Baby S certainly made us work for her affection, but once we had it she was all smiles and sparkly eyes! She loved to be told she was pretty and we prayed over her endlessly. It was an honor to have her be a part of our family for thirty-three days.
What an adventure this is becoming! The Lord continues to refine our hearts as we serve him, and we thank you for being apart.
I say all this, and I am amazed at how the Lord knits hearts together in such a short time. And I am amazed at the calmness I feel even though Baby S has left our home. We knew ahead of time that her stay with us would most likely be temporary, so that's made things a little easier. But the "in between" - waiting for the next placement (which could literally happen at ANY moment) - is such an odd experience this time. There's empty time that was once filled with feeding and caring for a baby. There are empty laps that once bounced a baby while we ate dinner. This time around I don't have my grief to keep me company, even though there certainly is some sadness. And I don't know what to do about this "weirdness." I've never experienced something like this "in between."
But I do know one thing - God doesn't want me to fear this new status. He wants me to embrace it by spending more time with my boys and pouring his love into them. Soon we'll have another foster baby, but until then I'm soaking up every extra moment of rest.
Baby S is a sweet 4-month-old. We only had her a month, but with the Lord's help we were able to get her on a good eating/sleeping schedule. Also, she barely threw any more "fits" (from not being held) by the time she left us, so I'm glad we were able to nurture her AND help her learn a little self-soothing. Watching her learn to play with toys was a sweet experience, and the way she would always smile while laying on the changing table (because she knew we would talk and sing to her) was just precious! The last night we had her she even rolled over in bed, so we were glad to have witnessed an important physical milestone. Baby S certainly made us work for her affection, but once we had it she was all smiles and sparkly eyes! She loved to be told she was pretty and we prayed over her endlessly. It was an honor to have her be a part of our family for thirty-three days.
What an adventure this is becoming! The Lord continues to refine our hearts as we serve him, and we thank you for being apart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)