Year 2

Last week was our one-year anniversary as foster parents! And I think, "Sheesh. It's only been ONE year?!" I say that with humor, but I also say it with the beckoning reality that this year has been wild...for a variety of reasons.

Let's review, shall we?

June 23, 2015: We said "yes" to accepting our first foster baby, a sweet 3-week-old with jet black hair and a tiny frame. We fell in love with Baby M the instant we met her!

August 2, 2015: Carey and I went on another mission trip to Costa Rica and were once again blown away by the blessings and workings of God! Such an honor to be apart.

October-November 2015: I experienced a healing miracle of God! We also dressed up as the Peter Pan crew for Halloween and celebrated M's first Thanksgiving.

December 2015: We received word that a good family match had been found for M. This was the fourth attempt to place her with family, so we were still optimistic that she would stay with us.

January 2016: We celebrated our oldest son's fourth birthday and our youngest son's 2nd birthday! We also met with M's relatives for the first time.

February 2016: We received word that Baby M would for sure be placed with her aunt and uncle. It was a very emotional month...and on top of everything, we started the process of looking for a new home closer to Carey's job!

March 2, 2016 (the date that will forever be stuck in my mind): This was the day we said goodbye to M after being her family for eight-and-a-half months. We drove to the courthouse, expressed to the judge how much we loved her, and sorrowfully went home as she was taken to her biological family. I reflect on the cute sweater outfit she was wearing and the way she grabbed my cheeks while tears fell. My soul thanks God for a tenderhearted husband who tried to pray but couldn't get the words out. I'm grateful for my mother-in-law who accompanied us and thought to take pictures of our last goodbyes. I whispered the words, "It's going to be okay," over and over as I stroked M's hair and deposited the feeling of being her mother deep into my being - I never wanted to forget what it was like to be her mother. And I still haven't forgotten.

March 18-19, 2016: We moved! The Lord blessed us with an amazing home that is FAR beyond what we could have ever imagined. It was a welcome distraction from grief, and a beautiful display of God's grace in the midst of trials.

April 2016: We made arrangements and preparations for our new home to be ready for another foster baby. It was a bit tedious, but we did it!

May 2016: Another emotional month. M celebrated her first birthday, and we also accepted our second foster baby, Baby S, into our home. It didn't take long to realize this second experience would be drastically different, but we relied on the Lord for protection and guidance.

June 2016: Baby S was returned to her grandmother after being in our care for a little over a month. Kissing her cheeks is what I miss the most, and our home is certainly different without her. We also received several "hopeful" calls for other foster babies, but none of them have panned out. God is asking us to wait again, and so we wait!

So, what is the take away?  

I now understand that my definition of love wasn't love at all.

For example, I have always "loved" my husband. But that love was subconsciously under the terms of what I was getting out of the relationship. My attitude was, "What's in it for me?" Once that realization kicked in, the Lord showed me that ALL my relationships fell under this false understanding of love. It was, and still is, quite humbling. Now I seek to truly love others the way Christ loves them - with sacrifice and a willingness to see things through even when it's gut-wrenching tough! I am certainly nowhere close to being good at loving like this, but holding precious foster babies who have nothing to give in return sure is a good start.


You see, love CAN'T be self-seeking. Real love doesn't have a single ounce of pride, selfishness, or arrogance. Not a single ounce. God summed it up one day by asking me, "Will you love even when you get nothing out of it? And even when people make false accusations? And even if you get hurt? Will you love even if it costs you everything? Because that's my kind of love." This kind of sacrificial love isn't popular and it certainly doesn't meet the world's demand that, "love is love." No, friends, love isn't something we get to define to make ourselves feel better or to justify how we want to live our lives. Love is not doing whatever makes us happy so we can have temporary feelings of security and acceptance. Love transcends far beyond an emotional experience and a physical relationship. Love is something we need, yes, but more importantly it's something we must seek out in the right way so we can experience it's true fullness and peace. We have to tirelessly guard our very souls against the cheap substitutions of love that the world crams down our throats so we can sell out for real love - the Savior's love.

One of the most heartbreaking things for me is that many people want nothing to do with the very cure that will literally save their lives. All I know is Christ's love has saved my life, so I will continue on with the mission. I will continue LIVING MY FAITH because I know the suffering in this life pales in comparison to the complete fulfillment I'll receive in eternity. So, come Lord Jesus, come.

And if that's what God taught me in only the first year of fostering, I can't wait to see what he has in store for the second year.