The "In Between"

A burp cloth here, a diaper there. Baby toys, gadgets, and bottles stay in plain view and the last of the baby girl clothes are washed and tucked away. The car seat base is still attached in the van, and the doctor's appointment for next week still needs to be cancelled. I glance through recent pictures of our boys giving Baby S kisses, hugs, and tickles. I calmly respond to our two-and-a-half-year-old when he questions Baby S's whereabouts and remind him that she is with her grandmother now. The baby sling stays heaped up the car and will eventually be pushed under the seat until it's time to be used again. The nights are oh so quiet without the occasional sound of a baby's whimpers. And my arms feel strange to not be holding Baby S.

I say all this, and I am amazed at how the Lord knits hearts together in such a short time. And I am amazed at the calmness I feel even though Baby S has left our home. We knew ahead of time that her stay with us would most likely be temporary, so that's made things a little easier. But the "in between" - waiting for the next placement (which could literally happen at ANY moment) - is such an odd experience this time. There's empty time that was once filled with feeding and caring for a baby. There are empty laps that once bounced a baby while we ate dinner. This time around I don't have my grief to keep me company, even though there certainly is some sadness. And I don't know what to do about this "weirdness." I've never experienced something like this "in between."

But I do know one thing - God doesn't want me to fear this new status. He wants me to embrace it by spending more time with my boys and pouring his love into them. Soon we'll have another foster baby, but until then I'm soaking up every extra moment of rest.

Baby S is a sweet 4-month-old. We only had her a month, but with the Lord's help we were able to get her on a good eating/sleeping schedule. Also, she barely threw any more "fits" (from not being held) by the time she left us, so I'm glad we were able to nurture her AND help her learn a little self-soothing. Watching her learn to play with toys was a sweet experience, and the way she would always smile while laying on the changing table (because she knew we would talk and sing to her) was just precious! The last night we had her she even rolled over in bed, so we were glad to have witnessed an important physical milestone. Baby S certainly made us work for her affection, but once we had it she was all smiles and sparkly eyes! She loved to be told she was pretty and we prayed over her endlessly. It was an honor to have her be a part of our family for thirty-three days.

What an adventure this is becoming! The Lord continues to refine our hearts as we serve him, and we thank you for being apart.