The Rescuer

Put a fork in me. I'm done.

It's not that I'm done with life, or the pursuit of adoption, or the frustrations that come with doing God's will. Nope, not that at all! I am however done with the idea that my plan for our family is better than God's plan. And I'm done using my worldly wisdom to try and make sense of spiritual matters that can only be explained by God's sovereignty.

Momma Leah still misses Baby M. I am Sovereign.

Sentimental Leah wishes to see Baby S's smile one more time. I am Sovereign.

Angry Leah still wants to act out in incredible ways over the whole Baby K ordeal. I am Sovereign.

Rescuer Leah still desires to save all the children in the world who need a loving family.

Wait a minute, hold up. It's time we get something straight.

YOU are not the Rescuer. You are my child. Yes, I have called you to be on a difficult path, but don't mistake your grief as a sign of My absent love. Don't mistake your disappointments as My lack of provision. Don't let what has happened to your family keep you from pressing on. Because, Leah, I love you so much. I love you enough to not give you everything you "think" you need. I love you enough to say, "Not this time." I love you enough to plan something great for your family. Do you still trust Me?

Just when I think I'm really starting to learn what this whole "taking up your cross" command is, the Lord steps in to infiltrate my ill-informed perception. Over the last couple of weeks, we have started a new biblically-based adoption training and the personal insight God has given me of our family is overwhelming. And Carey agrees. When we discuss the immense spiritual growth we are experiencing, we can do nothing but praise God for his omniscience. And we are so excited to one day see the end result of his plan! All of the studying, toiling, trying new methods (some that succeed and some that fail), pulling out hair, and spiritual exhaustion is worth it. It is so worth it!

Before we became foster parents we were very naive. Of course, naivety is always present to a certain extent when you try something new, but there was also a "life" naivety for both of us. We thought our lives before becoming foster parents were stressful, but in all actuality they weren't. We thought we knew what evil was without really having a single first-handed, gut-wrenching, sobering experience with it. But perhaps that is why we were "silly" enough to even becoming foster parents? I'll be the first to admit that you do have to be a little crazy to subject yourself to the anguish that comes with this path, but Jesus set the prime example when he willingly took the anguish of the cross. And defeating sin. And conquering death. And putting up with ME. He decides to accept the pain of my disobedience over and over again for the sake of my soul. He loves me that much.

And can't I love our boys and our future adopted child(ren) that much? Yep. Not that I'll be anywhere close to loving them like the Savior can, but I can try my darnedest (with God's powerful guidance and help) to be the example my kids need to rest assured on the salvation provided only through Christ. To "know that they know" that sacrifice is worth it, and pain will be worth it, and that this life is merely a minuscule drop of existence in comparison to all eternity.

So, no I am not the Rescuer. And thank you, Lord, for reminding me.

 
 

"NO!"

Carey and I have a guilty pleasure: We love watching the American version of "The Office" on Netflix, and we have even lost count of how many times we've watched the series all the way through! And while the show certainly isn't "innocent," there are some themes that I can most assuredly say the producers didn't intend to have spiritual meaning...but they do.

Ok, and as a disclaimer, I'm not saying that "The Office" should be watched to gain spiritual growth. Just thought I'd put that out there...But there is something very real to be said for the Lord using our sense of humor to get a point across.

For instance, there is a character named D'Angelo (played by Will Ferrell) who was the new boss for several episodes. One of the aspects of this character was that he had formerly been obese, so D'Angelo was very serious about eating healthy. However, in one episode there was a party with a cake. D'Angelo, experiencing a moment of weakness, cut a corner of the cake and began eating it with his bare hand. Upon realizing the absurdity of his actions, he then threw the cake in the trash...only to come back for another corner a few seconds later. He again came to his senses and threw the second piece of cake in the trash. Then D'Angelo leaned over the cake, with his nose almost touching the frosting, and yelled, "NO!" And all hysteria breaks loose between Carey and I when we watch the scene!

The thing is I feel like D'Angelo: the cake is my weariness, fear, and anxiety over what will come next for our family. I keep picking up those pieces, with my bare hands, only to be knocked on the head by the Spirit to throw those pieces IN THE TRASH! Sin is disguised as having control, so I pick it up. But now I'm done. I'm going to start yelling, "NO!" to the sin that is trying to pull me under. I'm going to start shouting, "NOT TODAY, SIN!" when anxiousness crouches at the door of my heart. I'm going to live, move, and breathe the fact that God is control of even my most outrageous emotions and let. Him. Be. God!

And I couldn't think of a better day to start. Tonight we will begin a six-week, biblically-based adoption course, and I am so excited to see how God moves and leads us through the teaching and fellowship.

But, this message isn't simply for me or I wouldn't have shared it. Is there something in your life grasping for control? Do you feel suffocated by fear, anxiety, or insecurity? Yell, "NO!" my friend. And yell it over and over again until you believe it. Because God's got you, and he's got me, and he's got a whole lot of fire power between what he promises and what he does.

"To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." - 2 Peter 3:18b

Thoughts (and the Book of Acts Reading Plan)

"Would I be willing to risk my safety to obey God's calling on my life? Is the fear of danger keeping me from wholeheartedly serving him?"

I thought this would be a simple post.

The Lord has put it on my heart to start sharing some bible reading plans to encourage others in their faith. However, when I re-read day 21 it LEAPT OFF THE PAGE. It literally leapt. Off. The. Page.

You see, God put these questions on my heart several months ago before all the junk happened: the false accusations and such. And we are taking steps in another direction now (which I will share more about in the next several weeks as everything falls into place). What started as excitement quickly turned into urgency and then went on to despair and fear. And I know the Lord doesn't want me to fear...today he is especially assuring my heart that whatever happens will be good. It's hard to begin the process of moving on from a past calling and into a new one, but God's word has once again shown itself faithful through my own imperfect recollections. 

We've all been through "stuff." None of it is the same "stuff," but that's besides the point. All of the junk that has encroached on our lives can cause depression if we give it that power, but I choose to remember instead the number of times God has shown up. His record in my life is approximately 10,000:0. 

So, as the record has shown, I need not fear.

I pray this reading plan blesses you as it has me!

ACTS (20 days)

1. Chapters 1-2 - How can I express to others how I have been changed by Christ's resurrection and the gift of the Holy Spirit? What does God want me to do as a part of his great plan?
2. Chapters 3-4 - How can I prepare to witness to others when good things happen? What evidences are in my life that I "have been with Jesus?"
3. Chapter 5 - What warning should I receive when others are judged by God because of personal sin? How can I biblically respond to persecution?
4. Chapters 6-7 - How might God want to use me today to fill a need? Am I willing to risk my very life for the sake of the gospel?
5. Chapter 8 - Why does being sensitive to the Holy Spirit matter? What distractions do I need to limit in my life?
6. Chapter 9 - What does Saul's conversion teach me about God's mercy? How do I know when someone has truly come into a relationship with Jesus Christ?
7. Chapters 10-11 - What can I do to become better unified with other believers? How may God want me to reach others who are outside of my daily influence?
8. Chapters 12-13 - What does God want me to understand in the midst of persecution? How can I help spread the gospel through missions?
9. Chapters 14-15 - How does struggle in my service to the Lord strengthen my faith? How can I encourage unity among other believers when disagreements arise?
10. Chapter16 - What does God want me to do in the midst of unfair treatment? How should my reactions to the trials of life be different, and why do my reactions matter?
11. Chapters 17-18 - What does the Lord want me to keep sight of when others refuse Him? How can I become more comfortable with sharing my faith?
12. Chapters 19-20 - What should be my role in the event of outlandish claims made against brothers and sisters of the faith? Who has been a positive example on my faith and how can I be an example for someone else?
13. Chapter 21 - Would I be willing to risk my safety to obey God's calling on my life? Is the fear of danger keeping me from wholeheartedly serving him?
14. Chapter 22 - What "citizenship" has God given me to use for his glory? How can I minister to other people groups for the cause of Christ?
15. Chapter 23 - What situation in my life desperately needs God's wisdom? What comforts me as I experience struggles and trials?
16. Chapter 24 - How should I respond to corrupt authority? What character strengths has God given me to handle unfairness?
17. Chapter 25 - Am I more often patient or impatient when a lack of discernment affects my life? What does God want me to learn through such circumstances?
18. Chapter 26 - What is my defense when others challenge my faith? Why is an appropriate response important?
19. Chapter 27 - What Godly wisdom can I bring to earthly catastrophes? How can my influence make a difference and save lives?
20. Chapter 28 - In what area(s) of my faith do I need to persevere? To whom am I called to minister?