Today I anxiously drove our new foster baby, Baby S, to her family visit. I've only visited the exterior of the family services building, so I didn't know what was in store. Would I inadvertently meet her family? Would other biological parents in the waiting room look toward me with anger? Would I be able to handle whatever happened?
I carried her through the entrance door and found a medium-sized room that was almost full of people waiting. After anxiously signing in, I found one of the few empty chairs and sat with Baby S. My heart was racing, and as I dared to look around me, the Spirit said, "Don't fear this room. Pay attention and see what I want you to learn." And in an instant a peace that can only come from the Lord drowned my heart with compassion.
A friendly worker sitting next to me carried on a conversation and swooned over sweet Baby S. Then another woman commented how beautiful S was and asked if I was her mother. When I responded as S's foster mother, the woman smiled endearingly. Then I noticed a couple sitting across the room who seemed sorrowful and anxious. I wondered, "What is their story?" Just keep paying attention, He said. Then two women who could have very well been Baby S's relatives entered and I caught a stare from the elder. I cautiously smiled and turned my attention back to S only for the women to sit next to me. The younger woman couldn't resist speaking to S, but it wasn't until she asked me the baby's name that I realized she wasn't S's mother. Yet through speaking with the woman, and noticing the new baby dress she held fondly in her lap, she did have a baby daughter similar in age. Soon after three small children came in and excitedly hugged the couple sitting across the room and I realized they were biological parents waiting for their children to arrive for a family visit. And five minutes later three more children came in and also hugged and kissed them. This couple had their six children removed from their home. Yet, by viewing their loving reunion, I felt hope - not only for their specific situation, but for the whole system.
This isn't a room to be feared, but a room of hope.
I didn't feel any spiritual hindrances in that room, nor did I feel hatred or condemnation. But I did feel the overwhelming presence of God. No situation is beyond reconciliation, Leah. The Lord pushed this experience on me, and I'm grateful he continues to stretch my comfort zone because as I witness broken hearts I witness an even greater display of his grace. It's not that being a foster parent isn't messy, but it's the mess that is opening my eyes. It's the mess that is showing me the very heart of God.
And I say that with such great conviction! For so long I have fought against the mess and fought against what makes me uncomfortable. I've sought convenience and prideful ambitions over effort and sacrifice. And I know I've only begun to taste what the Lord has in store when it comes to sacrifice. Almost everyone we talk to responds, "I could never give the children back - it would be too hard." Yes, it is hard, friend. Gut-wrenching, pain-wrecking, tear-inducing hard. But with great sacrifice comes great reward. There is no end in sight for our family when it comes to adopting a baby girl, yet that is what we are called to do. We will continue moving forward and trusting the Lord to reveal his special plan for our future daughter. And we will be able to look back at everything else and see his hand working for his providential purposes.
So, I dub the waiting room the Hope Room. As long as there are people present it means we haven't lost hope and God is still moving.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Friday, May 20, 2016
Dear New Mom
The creaks of my great-grandmother's rocking chair can be heard in the early morning hours in our house. I hold our new foster baby against my chest and rock her as she drinks a bottle and peers back at me with the most beautiful brown eyes. "How did I get here, God?" I wonder in the night, "How did you transform me into this mother?" I am so thankful for the Lord's chiseling on my heart. But it has taken carrying two babies in my womb, loving a child I had to give up, and accepting a new child (that will probably be returned to her family in a matter of weeks) to get me here. It has taken physical and emotional pain, enormous amounts of stress, and many frustrated pleas for a crying baby to JUST GO TO SLEEP! But God put me here - in a creaking, firmly-built rocking chair to hold his children and learn to trust him. And I am still learning to trust him.
I am still not who I need to be, but thank the Lord I am not who I used to be. And this is my encouragement to new mothers: let the Lord work on your heart in his timing and trust his plan. He has an amazing plan for you and your family!
Some of you are experiencing your first pregnancy and trying to figure out why on earth your body, and pre-born child, seem to have it out for you! Others of you are holding a newborn baby and wondering if you can be enough for your child. Still others already have children, but a new addition is challenging your family dynamic and, let's be honest, your ability hold on to the little sanity you have left. Yet the ones my heart most longs to comfort are those who have lost children - those whose aching arms feel the loss the most, and who pray to stroke their baby's hair or kiss their face just one more time. I have felt the ache of a mother, but I have also felt the joy of knowing that with each new life God gives - each precious, amazing, and beautiful life - there is new hope.
You will be okay, mom. Not everything will be perfect and there will be times of grief and struggle, but God will never leave you. As you hold or mourn your child, remember that God is holding you. And you better believe he's not in the business of leaving when he's needed the most.
Surround yourself with support, mom. Use the people God has given you to relieve you in times stress and when you just need a moment to come up for air. We were never meant to do this alone, and there is much to be learned from those who have gone before us. Listen to them.
And please, mom, don't try to hold yourself to a standard of "perfection," because you will just end up being stressed out and disappointed. None of us are perfect, and none of us have it together! Make priority for the things that matter and kick all other distractions to the curb.
Don't try to please everyone, mom. Let the Spirit guide you toward the things that really matter and away from the things that are stealing your valuable energy and time. You will not regret making your marriage and your family a priority.
However, mom, your relationship to Jesus Christ must always have first priority! He is the reason we serve as wives and mothers, and without him there is no purpose to our callings. Let the Lord fulfill your heart's deepest desires instead of looking to your husband or children for the task. And pray over your husband and your children as much as possible because it makes a difference!
And remember your husband, mom. It's natural to get consumed by the business of having a new baby, but your husband deserves your affection too. Make him a priority and carve out some time each day (even if it's right before bed) to listen, talk, and laugh. He is your partner, and he wants to know that you still think he's the most handsome hunk around!
Yet the hardest thing I've learned is to not fight the change, mom. And things will change for the better! It is a slow process that can't be completed in weeks or months, but as the years pass you will become the new creation that your current self aspires to be. You will get there, mom, and you have to believe it. Live each day with confidence in who God says you are, not how the world misjudges you.
And, lastly, don't forget about the legacy. I sit in my great-grandmother's rocking chair and remember that she was a German immigrant who raised six children. What would she say if someone had told her that one day a great-granddaughter would also rock babies in the same chair? I smile to think about her sparkling eyes and a comment like, "Well, that would be just fine." Strength from the mothers who have come before me seems to seep through the old chair and fill my being. And, so, you and I will also leave a legacy. May everything we do be molded by the desire to serve God, love others, and equip future generations to stand firm in the faith.
I am still not who I need to be, but thank the Lord I am not who I used to be. And this is my encouragement to new mothers: let the Lord work on your heart in his timing and trust his plan. He has an amazing plan for you and your family!
Some of you are experiencing your first pregnancy and trying to figure out why on earth your body, and pre-born child, seem to have it out for you! Others of you are holding a newborn baby and wondering if you can be enough for your child. Still others already have children, but a new addition is challenging your family dynamic and, let's be honest, your ability hold on to the little sanity you have left. Yet the ones my heart most longs to comfort are those who have lost children - those whose aching arms feel the loss the most, and who pray to stroke their baby's hair or kiss their face just one more time. I have felt the ache of a mother, but I have also felt the joy of knowing that with each new life God gives - each precious, amazing, and beautiful life - there is new hope.
You will be okay, mom. Not everything will be perfect and there will be times of grief and struggle, but God will never leave you. As you hold or mourn your child, remember that God is holding you. And you better believe he's not in the business of leaving when he's needed the most.
Surround yourself with support, mom. Use the people God has given you to relieve you in times stress and when you just need a moment to come up for air. We were never meant to do this alone, and there is much to be learned from those who have gone before us. Listen to them.
And please, mom, don't try to hold yourself to a standard of "perfection," because you will just end up being stressed out and disappointed. None of us are perfect, and none of us have it together! Make priority for the things that matter and kick all other distractions to the curb.
Don't try to please everyone, mom. Let the Spirit guide you toward the things that really matter and away from the things that are stealing your valuable energy and time. You will not regret making your marriage and your family a priority.
However, mom, your relationship to Jesus Christ must always have first priority! He is the reason we serve as wives and mothers, and without him there is no purpose to our callings. Let the Lord fulfill your heart's deepest desires instead of looking to your husband or children for the task. And pray over your husband and your children as much as possible because it makes a difference!
And remember your husband, mom. It's natural to get consumed by the business of having a new baby, but your husband deserves your affection too. Make him a priority and carve out some time each day (even if it's right before bed) to listen, talk, and laugh. He is your partner, and he wants to know that you still think he's the most handsome hunk around!
Yet the hardest thing I've learned is to not fight the change, mom. And things will change for the better! It is a slow process that can't be completed in weeks or months, but as the years pass you will become the new creation that your current self aspires to be. You will get there, mom, and you have to believe it. Live each day with confidence in who God says you are, not how the world misjudges you.
And, lastly, don't forget about the legacy. I sit in my great-grandmother's rocking chair and remember that she was a German immigrant who raised six children. What would she say if someone had told her that one day a great-granddaughter would also rock babies in the same chair? I smile to think about her sparkling eyes and a comment like, "Well, that would be just fine." Strength from the mothers who have come before me seems to seep through the old chair and fill my being. And, so, you and I will also leave a legacy. May everything we do be molded by the desire to serve God, love others, and equip future generations to stand firm in the faith.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Unexpected Blessings
It can be easy to focus on only the negative aspects of foster care, so I felt it would be wonderful to explain the positive, unexpected blessings the Lord has given us through this calling.
First, our children have become more compassionate and concerned for others. They are gentler, sweeter, and more sympathetic toward other children. I'm amazed to watch our 4-year-old naturally comfort another child or our wild 2-year-old suddenly become calm so he can hug a baby! And our oldest will tell people that we "help the babies," so he already has a testimony for himself. The sympathy God has brought out in our boys' hearts through this process is encouraging and reminds me that personal obedience to the Lord positively affects my children.
Next, having pictures of Baby M still posted in our house has brought joy to my heart. There was certainly a time when it was too painful to look at her precious pictures, but now they make me smile and remember the beautiful time God allowed us to be her family. And the beautiful time he allowed me to be her Mommy. What an honor!
Then there is the blessing of knowing I can survive. I used to fear loss and wondered if I would become stronger in my faith or reject it all together. But God has sustained me and literally held me up during my time of grief, so I know he always will. Plus, something has surfaced from my heart - a determination, or "grit" if you will - that surpasses any strength I could obtain through comfortable, painless living. I will survive even if another foster baby leaves our home. And I will survive if another 100 foster babies leave our home, because God is in control and he has a plan.
I have also learned to appreciate and voice my love for my husband more often. Many of you know I'm not necessarily the "gushy" type, but sometimes the Lord brings to mind how much more challenging my life would be without Carey and I literally gush thanks and praise to God. And I do my best to encourage my husband because he makes many sacrifices for us that I have overlooked in the past. Carey's deliberate obedience to the Lord strengthens our family and motivates me to also serve Christ with all my being.
Lastly, God has opened my eyes to the sorrow in the world and now I have a greater desire to help make it better. From broken families, to parent-less children, and an overwhelmed system that desperately tries to help each child in need, there is so much sadness. But there are also good things happening through the individual families that say "yes" to helping foster kids and together we are making a difference! Whereas sorrow can penetrate even the roughest exterior and make someone want to not try for fear of failure, the realization that there are others working for the same goal - to glorify God by helping his needy children - makes all the difference. And while only the Lord can fully exterminate sin and sorrow (and he WILL one day), I have the assurance that he has equipped me to be part of the remedy for now.
And now we wait for a new foster baby! It's bittersweet to know we will have the opportunity to love another child because we still greatly miss Baby M. But my heart is overjoyed to have another little one in our home soon. Every day when I wake up I think, "Today could be the day. Today I could be a new Mommy again," and the anticipation excites me. What will be her story? What will she look like? How old will she be? We can't wait to meet her!
First, our children have become more compassionate and concerned for others. They are gentler, sweeter, and more sympathetic toward other children. I'm amazed to watch our 4-year-old naturally comfort another child or our wild 2-year-old suddenly become calm so he can hug a baby! And our oldest will tell people that we "help the babies," so he already has a testimony for himself. The sympathy God has brought out in our boys' hearts through this process is encouraging and reminds me that personal obedience to the Lord positively affects my children.
Next, having pictures of Baby M still posted in our house has brought joy to my heart. There was certainly a time when it was too painful to look at her precious pictures, but now they make me smile and remember the beautiful time God allowed us to be her family. And the beautiful time he allowed me to be her Mommy. What an honor!
Then there is the blessing of knowing I can survive. I used to fear loss and wondered if I would become stronger in my faith or reject it all together. But God has sustained me and literally held me up during my time of grief, so I know he always will. Plus, something has surfaced from my heart - a determination, or "grit" if you will - that surpasses any strength I could obtain through comfortable, painless living. I will survive even if another foster baby leaves our home. And I will survive if another 100 foster babies leave our home, because God is in control and he has a plan.
I have also learned to appreciate and voice my love for my husband more often. Many of you know I'm not necessarily the "gushy" type, but sometimes the Lord brings to mind how much more challenging my life would be without Carey and I literally gush thanks and praise to God. And I do my best to encourage my husband because he makes many sacrifices for us that I have overlooked in the past. Carey's deliberate obedience to the Lord strengthens our family and motivates me to also serve Christ with all my being.
Lastly, God has opened my eyes to the sorrow in the world and now I have a greater desire to help make it better. From broken families, to parent-less children, and an overwhelmed system that desperately tries to help each child in need, there is so much sadness. But there are also good things happening through the individual families that say "yes" to helping foster kids and together we are making a difference! Whereas sorrow can penetrate even the roughest exterior and make someone want to not try for fear of failure, the realization that there are others working for the same goal - to glorify God by helping his needy children - makes all the difference. And while only the Lord can fully exterminate sin and sorrow (and he WILL one day), I have the assurance that he has equipped me to be part of the remedy for now.
And now we wait for a new foster baby! It's bittersweet to know we will have the opportunity to love another child because we still greatly miss Baby M. But my heart is overjoyed to have another little one in our home soon. Every day when I wake up I think, "Today could be the day. Today I could be a new Mommy again," and the anticipation excites me. What will be her story? What will she look like? How old will she be? We can't wait to meet her!
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