The last couple of weeks have certainly been challenging, but I'm amazed at how the Lord is transforming my heart! He has given me new joy for my children, an enriched appreciation and love for my husband, and the desire to continue pushing forward in faith for whatever he has in store for our family. It is a very exciting time!
The joy of being within God's will is indescribable. I am so thankful that in the midst of struggles I never have to doubt that I am his.
Our adventures include my new role as Children's Director at church, Carey's upcoming 31st birthday (we love spoiling him!), and praying about where/how God may be leading us to adopt now. We are waiting to have some questions answered regarding our foster care license because there may be some issues if we decide to adopt a child through another means. It is possible our license could be suspended for a matter of time (or worse) if we adopt outside of CPS. While this is a little scary, and we certainly don't want anything to happen to our license, we have complete peace from God that whatever happens is supposed to happen and it's all in his hands. But we hope to hear back sometime this week that we can be placed back on the CPU list again and become available for temporary, respite placements for foster children.
When Carey and I have discussed what God may be doing through everything we've experienced as foster parents, we agree that, regardless of the results, we smile when we think of the precious baby girls we've had the honor of welcoming into our home. We are overjoyed that M will be adopted soon by her aunt and uncle. We are glad that S's removal from her family was the motivation needed for her grandmother to make better choices. We are still sad and miss K, but are assured that we did what we could to help her. And the things I've learned about God - deep, personal, emotional things - could not have been learned any other way. When I thought I was breaking down, the Lord was actually building me up. Now I can say there is some grit to my faith. Now I can say with all my soul, "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 59:16)." Knowing pain means knowing Christ. And while that makes no earthly sense, I cling to it with perseverance.
Now there seems to be a "shift" coming, and it feels similar to the initial inklings God gave me before we began looking into foster care. We know that it is all about God's timing, but I especially feel an increased urge to pursue a specific orphan we have been praying for since last year. But God always affirms these major callings in both of our hearts if it is something we need to do, so prayers for patience (for me) and clarity (for both of us) would be much appreciated!
I don't know what on earth God is doing now in our family, but I am thankful he's given us the strength to continue on the journey. And THANK YOU for being a part!!! :)
Monday, August 29, 2016
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Bible Reading Plan (#1)
The Lord has put something on my heart over the last few months. As I have read and studied his word, I started compiling questions to help me evaluate my faith and daily actions. This activity has been so incredibly beneficial to my growth in Christ through recent trials and struggles, so now I would like to share this process with the hope that it will help someone else!
First, I didn't re-invent the wheel here, okay? ;) The format is quite ordinary with an assigned bible passage for each day and two follow-up questions. But the difference is in the substance of the questions: they are real, they cut to the heart, and they are usually hard to swallow. It's challenging to take an honest look at my actions, words, and motives, but God has used these types of questions to equip my faith and encourage me to stop "messing around" in my relationship with him. And it has lead to immense fellowship!
You can either read the passages each day and simply reflect on the questions as the Spirit reveals what he has for you, or you may write your answers in a journal. But it's important to know that these questions won't mean anything if you haven't accepted Jesus as your Savior. Not simply "believe" in God - you must have a personal relationship with Jesus. If that concept sounds foreign to you, then please message/text/email/call me! I would love to show you through God's word how to receive the assurance of salvation.
While "Journey to Grace" is an adoption blog, it's important for readers to know the foundation of my faith (and "why" I do what I do). This first set of readings is only a week long, but I thought it would be a good place to start. I pray this plan will bless your heart!
1 & 2 PETER (7 days)
First, I didn't re-invent the wheel here, okay? ;) The format is quite ordinary with an assigned bible passage for each day and two follow-up questions. But the difference is in the substance of the questions: they are real, they cut to the heart, and they are usually hard to swallow. It's challenging to take an honest look at my actions, words, and motives, but God has used these types of questions to equip my faith and encourage me to stop "messing around" in my relationship with him. And it has lead to immense fellowship!
You can either read the passages each day and simply reflect on the questions as the Spirit reveals what he has for you, or you may write your answers in a journal. But it's important to know that these questions won't mean anything if you haven't accepted Jesus as your Savior. Not simply "believe" in God - you must have a personal relationship with Jesus. If that concept sounds foreign to you, then please message/text/email/call me! I would love to show you through God's word how to receive the assurance of salvation.
While "Journey to Grace" is an adoption blog, it's important for readers to know the foundation of my faith (and "why" I do what I do). This first set of readings is only a week long, but I thought it would be a good place to start. I pray this plan will bless your heart!
1 & 2 PETER (7 days)
- 1 Peter 1 - How do I know God will help me through trials? In what way(s) do I need to "be [more] holy" like God?
- 1 Peter 2 - How should I respond when faced with rejection and/or insults? What will happen when I respond to evil in biblical ways?
- 1 Peter 3 - What can I do to be like-hearted with my spouse and others? How has the Lord allowed me to suffer for doing good?
- 1 Peter 4 - How does my suffering and/or service bring glory to God? What must I do to stay obedient even through trials?
- 1 Peter 5 - How can I be a godly leader or example for others today? What area(s) of my life do I need to fully surrender to God so I may be aware of Satan's schemes?
- 2 Peter 1-2 - What would the Lord like to improve in my service (within my calling)? How can I battle against false teachers and destructive ideologies in a Christ-like way?
- 2 Peter 3 - What earthly temptations battle for my attention? How can I continue guarding my life against sin as I look forward to Christ's return?
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Another Door Closed
I've been dreading this post for days, as I've been afraid my human frustration and anger would take control and belittle the authority of God. However, the Lord has recently given me the stable assurance I need to share with everyone what has happened in the past week. So, to him be the glory!
Last Friday, beautiful Baby K was removed from our home. I received a call around noon and by 2:30 she was gone. Just. Like. That. When I asked the caseworker why the removal was occurring, all he could say was that a few people involved in her case had gone through the proper channels to make it happen. Papers had been signed, we had been notified, and so we scrambled to gather her things and say goodbye.
It's important to understand something: In Texas, foster children can be removed from their foster homes within 45 days for no reason. So, that means if the right people decide to pull a kid from any foster home within that time frame then they can do it. Yes, it's harmful to the children and families involved, but when a certain combination of political powers come to play their game then those kinds of considerations have no gravity. This was the case for us. And what made it even more horrible was the invention of accusations to "seal the deal." Instead of just removing K because they could, reports were filed. And emails were sent. And calls were made. But, thanks to the Lord, we were not the only ones outraged - numerous CPS professionals assured us that we were not alone in our frustration. And they assured us that we had done nothing wrong. It was simply the politics of the situation.
But what about our four-year-old son who sobbed when I told him Baby K was being removed? And what about the anger our extended family and friends have also experienced because of this injustice? The truth is K's removal from our home WAS NOT in her best interest. However, being able to look back on how volatile the case was, I'm starting to understand that it was probably in our family's best interest for her to go. And how that hurts my heart!!! Oh, how I wanted to be the one to advocate for her, and love her, and teach her how to walk, and throw her a princess birthday party, and protect her from evil, and help her grow...I could go on and on. But that's not what the Lord asked of me. So, I cling to his plan - his good, loving, and perfect plan. What has happened makes no earthly sense, but I know God will use it for his glory. He will use my sorrow and anger to refine my faith. He will create something beautiful from these ashes, because he has done it before.
I cried out to the Lord the day K was removed. I told him I didn't want to foster any more babies because it was too painful and the cost was too great. The Spirit was silent for a moment, but then he said, "Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think I can't heal this hurt?" Oh, Lord, forgive me!
Before I woke K up from her nap to get her ready, I prayed and asked God to send me every angel of protection he could spare. And what I experienced instead was the literal feeling of a Savior holding me in my immense sorrow. An instant strength filled my bones. He helped me rise up, wake up the smiling girl who had claimed my heart, and speak words of protection over her. He helped me pack the new clothes that still had tags and find the unopened diapers. He encouraged my heart to write a note to the new foster family so they would have an idea of her schedule and eating habits. And he beckoned me to memorize K's lively gaze and spunky pigtail. And the hardest part was knowing that she, like our other two foster babies, would at least for a short time search for my arms and listen for my voice. Only to find neither. But it's okay, because God knows. He knows. Brokenness is not unfamiliar to the Lord, and I am so thankful that he sympathizes with us in our weaknesses.
So, Carey and I are in uncharted territory! We feel a shift in what God wants to do through us, but not a shift in our calling to adopt or the desire to have a daughter. We see now that everything we have been through as foster parents may have been the only way for God to get us where he wants us to be, even if adopting a baby from foster care isn't the end result. That's the result we had hoped for, but the evidence is now pointing in other directions. We want to maintain our foster care license for the sake of ministry, but we are seeking clarity as to whether or not that means we will eventually welcome another baby into our home or only offer temporary respite care for other foster families. We had assumed that adoption and having a daughter would occur within the same event, but now we see those may be two totally different paths. We are earnestly seeking God's guidance and leading on where to go from here. As this last door with Baby K has been closed by a loving Savior, we lean on him and not our own understanding.
We know we are not alone in our mourning over K's removal. And we also know we are not alone in praying on her behalf. Friends, thank you for encouraging us, listening to our anger, crying with us, and simply for being there. God has blessed us with your friendship and love.
Last Friday, beautiful Baby K was removed from our home. I received a call around noon and by 2:30 she was gone. Just. Like. That. When I asked the caseworker why the removal was occurring, all he could say was that a few people involved in her case had gone through the proper channels to make it happen. Papers had been signed, we had been notified, and so we scrambled to gather her things and say goodbye.
It's important to understand something: In Texas, foster children can be removed from their foster homes within 45 days for no reason. So, that means if the right people decide to pull a kid from any foster home within that time frame then they can do it. Yes, it's harmful to the children and families involved, but when a certain combination of political powers come to play their game then those kinds of considerations have no gravity. This was the case for us. And what made it even more horrible was the invention of accusations to "seal the deal." Instead of just removing K because they could, reports were filed. And emails were sent. And calls were made. But, thanks to the Lord, we were not the only ones outraged - numerous CPS professionals assured us that we were not alone in our frustration. And they assured us that we had done nothing wrong. It was simply the politics of the situation.
But what about our four-year-old son who sobbed when I told him Baby K was being removed? And what about the anger our extended family and friends have also experienced because of this injustice? The truth is K's removal from our home WAS NOT in her best interest. However, being able to look back on how volatile the case was, I'm starting to understand that it was probably in our family's best interest for her to go. And how that hurts my heart!!! Oh, how I wanted to be the one to advocate for her, and love her, and teach her how to walk, and throw her a princess birthday party, and protect her from evil, and help her grow...I could go on and on. But that's not what the Lord asked of me. So, I cling to his plan - his good, loving, and perfect plan. What has happened makes no earthly sense, but I know God will use it for his glory. He will use my sorrow and anger to refine my faith. He will create something beautiful from these ashes, because he has done it before.
I cried out to the Lord the day K was removed. I told him I didn't want to foster any more babies because it was too painful and the cost was too great. The Spirit was silent for a moment, but then he said, "Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think I can't heal this hurt?" Oh, Lord, forgive me!
Before I woke K up from her nap to get her ready, I prayed and asked God to send me every angel of protection he could spare. And what I experienced instead was the literal feeling of a Savior holding me in my immense sorrow. An instant strength filled my bones. He helped me rise up, wake up the smiling girl who had claimed my heart, and speak words of protection over her. He helped me pack the new clothes that still had tags and find the unopened diapers. He encouraged my heart to write a note to the new foster family so they would have an idea of her schedule and eating habits. And he beckoned me to memorize K's lively gaze and spunky pigtail. And the hardest part was knowing that she, like our other two foster babies, would at least for a short time search for my arms and listen for my voice. Only to find neither. But it's okay, because God knows. He knows. Brokenness is not unfamiliar to the Lord, and I am so thankful that he sympathizes with us in our weaknesses.
So, Carey and I are in uncharted territory! We feel a shift in what God wants to do through us, but not a shift in our calling to adopt or the desire to have a daughter. We see now that everything we have been through as foster parents may have been the only way for God to get us where he wants us to be, even if adopting a baby from foster care isn't the end result. That's the result we had hoped for, but the evidence is now pointing in other directions. We want to maintain our foster care license for the sake of ministry, but we are seeking clarity as to whether or not that means we will eventually welcome another baby into our home or only offer temporary respite care for other foster families. We had assumed that adoption and having a daughter would occur within the same event, but now we see those may be two totally different paths. We are earnestly seeking God's guidance and leading on where to go from here. As this last door with Baby K has been closed by a loving Savior, we lean on him and not our own understanding.
We know we are not alone in our mourning over K's removal. And we also know we are not alone in praying on her behalf. Friends, thank you for encouraging us, listening to our anger, crying with us, and simply for being there. God has blessed us with your friendship and love.
Monday, August 1, 2016
The List
At least a couple times a month we receive emails containing the information for all the adoptable children in the state of Texas. While it's certainly understandable that receiving such an email would be heartbreaking, I've found myself becoming more angry as the list of children grows. Not frustrated, not irritated, but ANGRY. Remember when Jesus flipped the money-changers' tables in the temple? Yep, that's the anger I'm talking about.
I'm angry that Satan continues to pour the lie into my heart that, "I'm not doing enough." The assurance of our calling is continually challenged by this pipsqueak who would love nothing more than to help us become disheartened and overwhelmed. He destroys families, and often it's simple to accomplish. How do I know? Because the list keeps growing. Kids continue to be abused, neglected, and separated from their families. So my anger toward Satan's lies leads me to quick repentance before God lest sin overtake my life and my family.
I'm also angry that the government is responsible for taking care of these kids. Public servants sure try their best to care for the kids who come into foster care, but nothing can replace the church. Nothing can replace the Christ-filled hearts God has transformed to fill the gap. And many Christians are already involved in this specific life-saving work, but I wonder how much more could be done if the entire church of God united with one voice to say, "NO MORE!" Imagine a glimpse of the glory we would experience if we refused sin a place in our own homes, neighborhoods, and communities. Because, let's not forget, sin starts in the heart and pushes outward to affect everything. It pushes outward toward children and leaves them helpless and at the mercy of the state. What if EVERY CHRISTIAN in this country was doing something to battle this crisis? I dare say there would no longer be a crisis. And action doesn't mean everyone becomes a foster parent: it means we become more involved in our communities, actually take the time each day to pray like true Jesus-warriors, and stand up for what is right by living our faith instead of merely complaining or debating politics on Facebook. My anger makes me fight harder and live more intentionally for the things that truly affect the cause of the gospel.
I'm angry that so much of our money in this country is spent on programs that are supposed to "help" needy families and the problem is only getting worse. As if throwing money and programs at destitute children can bring their families back. As if it can erase the years of abuse and neglect. As if it is an okay-enough band-aid to heal hearts. Wake up, world, and realize that only Jesus can fix anything. Wake up, politicians, and realize that you are making things worse with your self-proclaimed "wisdom". Wake up, CHRISTIANS, and cause a stink! We are better than this. We can no longer ignore the fact that we are financially bleeding to death and that the funeral is drawing nearer as we continue to turn from God.
I'm angry that God hasn't called me to do more. This kind of anger, of course, is very sinful. When I question why He hasn't given me more responsibility then I question His sovereignty and perfect will. I pridefully ascertain that I know more about my limits and abilities than He does. This anger steals my joy and my peace, and it assumes that God's heart isn't also breaking into a million pieces over every child who needs a home. Lord, forgive me. You know the pain so much more than I ever could. Help me serve within the parameters You have lovingly set.
I invite you to be righteously, but not sinfully, angry with me. I invite you to face the uncomfortable truth of neglected children with square shoulders and a determined grit. I dare you to step into what's foreign to experience what's divine. I challenge you to be Christ to the world, not simply a loud opinion. And while this is a more serious post, I know the message has purpose. And I'm thankful for purpose.
I'm angry that Satan continues to pour the lie into my heart that, "I'm not doing enough." The assurance of our calling is continually challenged by this pipsqueak who would love nothing more than to help us become disheartened and overwhelmed. He destroys families, and often it's simple to accomplish. How do I know? Because the list keeps growing. Kids continue to be abused, neglected, and separated from their families. So my anger toward Satan's lies leads me to quick repentance before God lest sin overtake my life and my family.
I'm also angry that the government is responsible for taking care of these kids. Public servants sure try their best to care for the kids who come into foster care, but nothing can replace the church. Nothing can replace the Christ-filled hearts God has transformed to fill the gap. And many Christians are already involved in this specific life-saving work, but I wonder how much more could be done if the entire church of God united with one voice to say, "NO MORE!" Imagine a glimpse of the glory we would experience if we refused sin a place in our own homes, neighborhoods, and communities. Because, let's not forget, sin starts in the heart and pushes outward to affect everything. It pushes outward toward children and leaves them helpless and at the mercy of the state. What if EVERY CHRISTIAN in this country was doing something to battle this crisis? I dare say there would no longer be a crisis. And action doesn't mean everyone becomes a foster parent: it means we become more involved in our communities, actually take the time each day to pray like true Jesus-warriors, and stand up for what is right by living our faith instead of merely complaining or debating politics on Facebook. My anger makes me fight harder and live more intentionally for the things that truly affect the cause of the gospel.
I'm angry that so much of our money in this country is spent on programs that are supposed to "help" needy families and the problem is only getting worse. As if throwing money and programs at destitute children can bring their families back. As if it can erase the years of abuse and neglect. As if it is an okay-enough band-aid to heal hearts. Wake up, world, and realize that only Jesus can fix anything. Wake up, politicians, and realize that you are making things worse with your self-proclaimed "wisdom". Wake up, CHRISTIANS, and cause a stink! We are better than this. We can no longer ignore the fact that we are financially bleeding to death and that the funeral is drawing nearer as we continue to turn from God.
I'm angry that God hasn't called me to do more. This kind of anger, of course, is very sinful. When I question why He hasn't given me more responsibility then I question His sovereignty and perfect will. I pridefully ascertain that I know more about my limits and abilities than He does. This anger steals my joy and my peace, and it assumes that God's heart isn't also breaking into a million pieces over every child who needs a home. Lord, forgive me. You know the pain so much more than I ever could. Help me serve within the parameters You have lovingly set.
I invite you to be righteously, but not sinfully, angry with me. I invite you to face the uncomfortable truth of neglected children with square shoulders and a determined grit. I dare you to step into what's foreign to experience what's divine. I challenge you to be Christ to the world, not simply a loud opinion. And while this is a more serious post, I know the message has purpose. And I'm thankful for purpose.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)