I heard you are not doing well. At all. Your world has crumbled, and the best thing you had in your life - your precious baby girl - is now living with strangers. Oh, how my heart breaks for you! I desperately want you to know that, as a mother, I cry and mourn over the loss of your relationship with your daughter.
But I also want you to know M is SO LOVED. With the arrival of each of my children a secret place has been opened in my heart specifically for them. And the same is especially true of M because she and I have a unique bond unlike any other bond I've ever known. I don't say this to make you sad or angry, but to assure you that the Lord placed her in my heart before she ever entered our home. She was there from the beginning, and I honor and thank you for choosing to give her life.
And you are also loved, dear mother. You've experienced years of loss, frustration, and agony. Decisions can't be remade, but you can choose to let the Lord's purposes be fulfilled where you are now. Choose to be broken before a Holy God who loves you more immensely than anyone else could ever love you. Don't fight brokenness - I too was once broken. Before I knew the Lord I was lost and foolishly running straight into Hell. Then one day he called my name, rescued me from my sin and beckoned me to start living only through the power of his son's innocent blood. And I would never go back! Look forward, precious soul, and let God be God. I pray for peace and comfort to pour out from the depths of your heart and flood your life. I plead with the Lord to reach you...no matter what. No matter what, sweet mother.
Beautiful M laughs from the bottom of her feet to the top of her head! Her smile is unsparingly given to everyone and her eyes sparkle the most radiant crystal blue. She is a blessing to everyone who meets her. She is a picture of God's mercy, of his gorgeous design. M is made in his image. She's made in your image.
Regardless of the circumstances, precious mother, please trust that M will be perfectly protected by the Lord, even as he protects you. I don't think I'm better than you. Rather, I see the importance of caring for her in the most honorable way because she is a reflection of you. The only way I can help you is to love her. And I love her with the deepest love imaginable.
I pray you will release any hatred you have toward the Lord...and toward me. I am hopeful for your reconciliation to God because without it there will be no future reconciliation to your daughter. I say that with gentleness, but I also say it with resolve.
You can do this. We can do this. For the sake of your daughter - our daughter - we can trust God's plan.
Sincerely,
Foster Mom
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Update!
Baby M is almost six months old!
Favorite activities: Laughing at her brothers, smiling, growling, and rolling over.
Least favorite activities: Sitting up and not being able to roll past an object (lol).
Favorite foods: Carrots and bananas.
Least favorite foods: Cereal and veggies.
Favorite toys: Her toes, squishy blocks, and rattles.
Number of teeth: 2
Physical milestones: Endless rolling, rocking back-and-forth on her knees, and grabbing objects with her hands.
There was another hearing for M, and it turns out we are just waiting on things to pan out...to adopt her! Things have happened so quickly, and we feel blessed that God has given us this sweet little girl.
Carey and I had a neat discussion the other night concerning preparing for the worst: He said, "You know, I try to take my mind there - to losing her - but every time I do the Holy Spirit says, 'No, you don't even need to go there! M is staying with you.'" My mouth fell open because that's exactly what has been happening to me too. M is already so woven into our family that it seems weird to even think back on the time when she wasn't with us. How sweet it is to be her Mama! :)
Thank you for your continued prayers. Our God is AWESOME!
Favorite activities: Laughing at her brothers, smiling, growling, and rolling over.
Least favorite activities: Sitting up and not being able to roll past an object (lol).
Favorite foods: Carrots and bananas.
Least favorite foods: Cereal and veggies.
Favorite toys: Her toes, squishy blocks, and rattles.
Number of teeth: 2
Physical milestones: Endless rolling, rocking back-and-forth on her knees, and grabbing objects with her hands.
There was another hearing for M, and it turns out we are just waiting on things to pan out...to adopt her! Things have happened so quickly, and we feel blessed that God has given us this sweet little girl.
Carey and I had a neat discussion the other night concerning preparing for the worst: He said, "You know, I try to take my mind there - to losing her - but every time I do the Holy Spirit says, 'No, you don't even need to go there! M is staying with you.'" My mouth fell open because that's exactly what has been happening to me too. M is already so woven into our family that it seems weird to even think back on the time when she wasn't with us. How sweet it is to be her Mama! :)
Thank you for your continued prayers. Our God is AWESOME!
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Breathe In, Breathe Out
Big breath. "God has this." Another big breath. "GOD HAS THIS." Repeat a million times.
Things are moving quicker than we anticipated! M's relatives are now being considered for her permanent placement, which means she's one step closer to staying with us. And to protect her, I won't go into too much detail anymore about her case. After learning some information about her biological parents and family members, I don't want them to be able to track her down in ANY way. The best thing for M is to be completely removed from their influence, but the State of Texas has to legally arrive at that conclusion. Which means going through the process.
I don't know what it's like. I try to put myself into M's situation: If I had her biological family, would I want to stay with them or be adopted by a family who truly loves me even though they aren't related? I don't know what my answer would be, because so much of my identity has been formed by knowing, and being raised, by my biological parents. "But your identity is found in me, Leah." I know, Lord. I know. But that's because my parents pointed me to you! If M's family can't point her to Christ, then shouldn't she stay with us?
Again I am reminded that the Lord is above every situation, above every circumstance. He's the God who sent his only son to die for the world. He's the God who ordered my life and salvation, so he can for sure do that for M. Even if she does leave our home, she is not above his redemption. She is not beyond his reach even if she is forced out of mine. If he can save baby Moses against all odds because his mother courageously hid him and trusted providence, then M will not be abandoned. If Christ can appear on a road to Saul regardless of his past, then Christ can appear to M regardless of her past. If the Lord went out of his way to love a sinful, Samaritan woman, then he will go out of his way to love M. In fact, he already did. And all of this is true of me too.
One thing is for sure: M and I are kindred spirits. Joe and I have hugs (the best in the world), Dan and I have kisses filled with laughter, and M and I have matching smiling eyes that laugh and delight in one another. Knitted hearts? Definitely. Just please don't rip those pieces of yarn apart, Lord. PLEASE.
The caseworker said they are supposed to complete relative homestudies by the next court date (November), but it's unlikely they will all be finished by that time. Regardless, we expect M to remain in our home through the end of the year. We look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas with three kids! :) Boy, what an adventure. We have been through so much already, but we look forward to what God continues to do through our family.
Thank you for your prayers, friends!
Things are moving quicker than we anticipated! M's relatives are now being considered for her permanent placement, which means she's one step closer to staying with us. And to protect her, I won't go into too much detail anymore about her case. After learning some information about her biological parents and family members, I don't want them to be able to track her down in ANY way. The best thing for M is to be completely removed from their influence, but the State of Texas has to legally arrive at that conclusion. Which means going through the process.
I don't know what it's like. I try to put myself into M's situation: If I had her biological family, would I want to stay with them or be adopted by a family who truly loves me even though they aren't related? I don't know what my answer would be, because so much of my identity has been formed by knowing, and being raised, by my biological parents. "But your identity is found in me, Leah." I know, Lord. I know. But that's because my parents pointed me to you! If M's family can't point her to Christ, then shouldn't she stay with us?
Again I am reminded that the Lord is above every situation, above every circumstance. He's the God who sent his only son to die for the world. He's the God who ordered my life and salvation, so he can for sure do that for M. Even if she does leave our home, she is not above his redemption. She is not beyond his reach even if she is forced out of mine. If he can save baby Moses against all odds because his mother courageously hid him and trusted providence, then M will not be abandoned. If Christ can appear on a road to Saul regardless of his past, then Christ can appear to M regardless of her past. If the Lord went out of his way to love a sinful, Samaritan woman, then he will go out of his way to love M. In fact, he already did. And all of this is true of me too.
One thing is for sure: M and I are kindred spirits. Joe and I have hugs (the best in the world), Dan and I have kisses filled with laughter, and M and I have matching smiling eyes that laugh and delight in one another. Knitted hearts? Definitely. Just please don't rip those pieces of yarn apart, Lord. PLEASE.
The caseworker said they are supposed to complete relative homestudies by the next court date (November), but it's unlikely they will all be finished by that time. Regardless, we expect M to remain in our home through the end of the year. We look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas with three kids! :) Boy, what an adventure. We have been through so much already, but we look forward to what God continues to do through our family.
Thank you for your prayers, friends!
Friday, September 18, 2015
Things are Rolling
Another month has almost passed, and our sweet little foster baby is four months old! She finally out grew some of her clothes and is quickly moving up in diaper sizes. Her precious smiles, contagious laugh, and funny expressions keep us mesmerized. And, now she will turn her head to find me when she hears my voice. As far as she is concerned, I am Mommy. My heart breaks for her biological mother, but rejoices to God for giving us the chance to help this child feel and know the love of a devoted family.
Baby M's next trial is in November, so it's still not clear what recommendations will be made to the judge. So far things are looking up for us because her biological family members seem to not have the substantial backing they need to provide guardianship. Furthermore, M's biological mother also has a trial in November for her individual case, so if she's released from prison then that could really make things interesting. But, honestly, we're not worried about any of this mess. Our Lord is gracious and in control, and we are honored to protect our sweet baby girl from the crud that has immersed her biological family.
We have now attended two fostercare support meetings and have had some interesting experiences. First, it is very apparent that we are blessed to have such devoted staff for M's case. Secondly, we have been introduced to some issues and problems that could come up through adoption. Many of the people we have encountered through these meetings are seasoned foster and/or adoptive parents, so we are extremely thankful to the Lord for leading us to a group who can help us through this calling. It's nice to have a place to go where our family can interact with other families in a similar situation.
At home we are finally transitioning our youngest son out of the crib and into his brother's room. I have had some sweet mommy-son time with him because we are training him to nap on the bottom bunk, so I have stayed with him as he falls asleep. Sometimes he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder or while holding my hand, so I just bottle up those moments and cement them in my heart! :) Our goal is to change the "dinosaur" room into the "butterfly" room in the next month so Miss M. can have her own room.
On top of prayer for baby M, we have some additional requests. Recently our oldest son started preschool one day a week, so we ask for an easy transition and productive time of learning for him. Next, our youngest son is almost two-years-old and has hit a stubborn, rebellious streak, so we ask for prayers that he would choose obedience over rebellion. As for me, I ask for patience with the kids because many days it is lacking and I am quick to be frustrated and snippy. And, lastly, please pray for energy and rest for my sweet husband because his new job requires a much earlier wake up time and more travel. We are so thankful for every prayer on our behalf!
So, we keep rolling along! We look forward to cooler weather and more picnics at the park (which M is really starting to like). We have family pictures coming up in October, as well as the Fall Festival on Halloween with plans to dress in costumes as a family. We're loving this crazy life, and thank you all for your support!
Baby M's next trial is in November, so it's still not clear what recommendations will be made to the judge. So far things are looking up for us because her biological family members seem to not have the substantial backing they need to provide guardianship. Furthermore, M's biological mother also has a trial in November for her individual case, so if she's released from prison then that could really make things interesting. But, honestly, we're not worried about any of this mess. Our Lord is gracious and in control, and we are honored to protect our sweet baby girl from the crud that has immersed her biological family.
We have now attended two fostercare support meetings and have had some interesting experiences. First, it is very apparent that we are blessed to have such devoted staff for M's case. Secondly, we have been introduced to some issues and problems that could come up through adoption. Many of the people we have encountered through these meetings are seasoned foster and/or adoptive parents, so we are extremely thankful to the Lord for leading us to a group who can help us through this calling. It's nice to have a place to go where our family can interact with other families in a similar situation.
At home we are finally transitioning our youngest son out of the crib and into his brother's room. I have had some sweet mommy-son time with him because we are training him to nap on the bottom bunk, so I have stayed with him as he falls asleep. Sometimes he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder or while holding my hand, so I just bottle up those moments and cement them in my heart! :) Our goal is to change the "dinosaur" room into the "butterfly" room in the next month so Miss M. can have her own room.
On top of prayer for baby M, we have some additional requests. Recently our oldest son started preschool one day a week, so we ask for an easy transition and productive time of learning for him. Next, our youngest son is almost two-years-old and has hit a stubborn, rebellious streak, so we ask for prayers that he would choose obedience over rebellion. As for me, I ask for patience with the kids because many days it is lacking and I am quick to be frustrated and snippy. And, lastly, please pray for energy and rest for my sweet husband because his new job requires a much earlier wake up time and more travel. We are so thankful for every prayer on our behalf!
So, we keep rolling along! We look forward to cooler weather and more picnics at the park (which M is really starting to like). We have family pictures coming up in October, as well as the Fall Festival on Halloween with plans to dress in costumes as a family. We're loving this crazy life, and thank you all for your support!
Friday, August 21, 2015
Smiles, Giggles, and Prayers
It's been awhile since I've written, but we have had mission trip, babysitting, and general life planning GALORE! Miss M is now three months old, and she's full of smiles, giggles, and smirks. She is also sleeping through the night (!) and quickly demanding more milk at her feedings. We are so grateful for our time with her!
M's case worker went to court today and the judge decided to keep her in our home for at least another few months. While that is certainly good news for the present, we are still hanging on the edge for her permanency. The case worker let me know that a relative is now requesting custody and others could pop up as well. SO, a relative, a friend of the family, and then us. But we have her for now! We have her for now...
We knew this was all part of it - the agonizing waiting and potential heartbreak. I don't want to be selfish, but I am. All this baby girl knows is life with us, so I selfishly want to tell everyone else, "Over my dead body." But that's not what God wants. God wants us to trust him with the outcome and live through his strength every day no matter what happens, so that is what we strive to do. We take comfort in the fact that the Lord loves M more than we ever could. And it is possible for her to know him by living with someone else, but I don't want to admit it. All my "but Lord," pleas receive, "Where were you when I formed the earth?" replies. So we breathe, kiss sweet M, cuddle with her a little longer than we should because we never know which day will be our last to hold her.
Our attempt at adoption has encouraged me to take the same approach with our boys. Endless hugs, kisses, and "I love you"s, are in our home because the truth is we aren't promised another day even with our biological children. If you have children, no matter the age, remember the fragility to which they came into the world and respect the same fragility that will one day take them out of the world. I've known many parents who had to say goodbye too soon to their precious children, so I want to make sure my kids know, without any room for doubt, that they are loved.
But it's hard to be loving when you're the opposite of perfect. I yell at Joe when he asks the same question for the millionth time in one hour. I growl in frustration at Dan when he scales yet another piece of furniture. I roll my eyes when the baby wants to be held a little longer. I scream in my head while changing the tenth poopy diaper in one day and secretly envy the people who get to go to work and enjoy adult conversation. And if I have to watch "Bob the Builder" more than once a day I will become unrecognizable (seriously, that show is intolerable)! I become filled with rage when people at the grocery store give me a horrified look for daring to take three small children out in public, even when they are behaving. I want to throw objects at the TV when people try to get a "No kids on flights" petition moving. I hold myself back from screaming at others, "You think YOU'RE tired?!" I could keep going...
Among the incredible struggle there is an even more incredible peace through this calling. There is overwhelming joy, that I never knew was possible, in this calling. I feel the Lord closer to me than ever before because I am at my wits end more than ever before. There is beauty in being weak, tired, and frustrated because my perfect Savior is on his throne. He is everything I need, and he proves it to me every moment of every day.
And at the end of the day I know what we're doing matters. The sacrifices, the early nights (we are in bed by 8:45pm out of pure exhaustion), and endless laundry doesn't matter in the long run, but our family matters! It's great to know that I'm apart of something that matters - raising these kids to first have a relationship with Christ and then enabling and helping them to fulfill God's will for their lives. The future generation of Christ-followers are at our ankles looking up, and I can't think of anything else that matters more on earth.
Meanwhile, Baby M and I are going on a shopping spree tomorrow! Girlfriend and I are going to celebrate her being with us a little longer by getting some new clothes.
Thank you for your continued prayers, friends! :)
With love,
Leah
M's case worker went to court today and the judge decided to keep her in our home for at least another few months. While that is certainly good news for the present, we are still hanging on the edge for her permanency. The case worker let me know that a relative is now requesting custody and others could pop up as well. SO, a relative, a friend of the family, and then us. But we have her for now! We have her for now...
We knew this was all part of it - the agonizing waiting and potential heartbreak. I don't want to be selfish, but I am. All this baby girl knows is life with us, so I selfishly want to tell everyone else, "Over my dead body." But that's not what God wants. God wants us to trust him with the outcome and live through his strength every day no matter what happens, so that is what we strive to do. We take comfort in the fact that the Lord loves M more than we ever could. And it is possible for her to know him by living with someone else, but I don't want to admit it. All my "but Lord," pleas receive, "Where were you when I formed the earth?" replies. So we breathe, kiss sweet M, cuddle with her a little longer than we should because we never know which day will be our last to hold her.
Our attempt at adoption has encouraged me to take the same approach with our boys. Endless hugs, kisses, and "I love you"s, are in our home because the truth is we aren't promised another day even with our biological children. If you have children, no matter the age, remember the fragility to which they came into the world and respect the same fragility that will one day take them out of the world. I've known many parents who had to say goodbye too soon to their precious children, so I want to make sure my kids know, without any room for doubt, that they are loved.
But it's hard to be loving when you're the opposite of perfect. I yell at Joe when he asks the same question for the millionth time in one hour. I growl in frustration at Dan when he scales yet another piece of furniture. I roll my eyes when the baby wants to be held a little longer. I scream in my head while changing the tenth poopy diaper in one day and secretly envy the people who get to go to work and enjoy adult conversation. And if I have to watch "Bob the Builder" more than once a day I will become unrecognizable (seriously, that show is intolerable)! I become filled with rage when people at the grocery store give me a horrified look for daring to take three small children out in public, even when they are behaving. I want to throw objects at the TV when people try to get a "No kids on flights" petition moving. I hold myself back from screaming at others, "You think YOU'RE tired?!" I could keep going...
Among the incredible struggle there is an even more incredible peace through this calling. There is overwhelming joy, that I never knew was possible, in this calling. I feel the Lord closer to me than ever before because I am at my wits end more than ever before. There is beauty in being weak, tired, and frustrated because my perfect Savior is on his throne. He is everything I need, and he proves it to me every moment of every day.
And at the end of the day I know what we're doing matters. The sacrifices, the early nights (we are in bed by 8:45pm out of pure exhaustion), and endless laundry doesn't matter in the long run, but our family matters! It's great to know that I'm apart of something that matters - raising these kids to first have a relationship with Christ and then enabling and helping them to fulfill God's will for their lives. The future generation of Christ-followers are at our ankles looking up, and I can't think of anything else that matters more on earth.
Meanwhile, Baby M and I are going on a shopping spree tomorrow! Girlfriend and I are going to celebrate her being with us a little longer by getting some new clothes.
Thank you for your continued prayers, friends! :)
With love,
Leah
Saturday, July 25, 2015
You Are Wanted
I'm glad the Lord has placed Carey and I in a position to help care for precious M. It really gives James 1:27 a deeper meaning for us: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I find the word "and" amazing in the last part of this verse - caring for others and accepting the charge to deny the world go hand-in-hand. You can't truly care for others without denying earthly desires (and vice versa). There have been times in my life when I have missed the opportunity to care for others because I was too obsessed with myself, but I pray to never return to that miserable existence. And I say it with respect, but I'm wondering if this is where M's mom finds herself. My prayer is the Lord draws her out of her self-destruction, like he did for me, before it's too late.
When I look at our kids I wonder, "Do you know you are wanted?" Being wanted and feeling wanted are two totally different things. And I want my kids to feel wanted - first and foremost by God, but also by us. So we pour love and grace into their lives and pray with fervency for them to feel it in the depths of their beings.
I want everyone, and most especially my children, to know something:
You are wanted.
First, you are wanted by a holy God who chose to create you. He didn't have to intricately and uniquely design you and bring you into existence. It's pretty awesome that the God of EVERYTHING thought of us before we were even born and said, "Hey, you! You're one-of-a-kind."
Also, you are wanted by a perfect Savior who died so you can have an eternal relationship with him. He literally gave away his life with the hope that you would decide to accept his gift of salvation. No one ever died for someone they didn't want.
Lastly, to my kids (including M), I have wanted you all my life. It's like the Lord opened up a new section of my heart when I met you - a section I knew was there but could never access before. I felt J's light-hearted laugh and D's ornery, crooked smile in my spirit. I felt M's perfect, steady gaze of resolute determination. Two of you I carried in my belly, and one of you I've only carried in my arms, but all of you have been carried in my heart from the beginning. The Lord has given all three of you to me for now, so I will continue to carry you until he determines otherwise.
Again, you are wanted. Don't ever believe the lie that you aren't wanted.
Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you all for your love, thoughts, and prayers.
When I look at our kids I wonder, "Do you know you are wanted?" Being wanted and feeling wanted are two totally different things. And I want my kids to feel wanted - first and foremost by God, but also by us. So we pour love and grace into their lives and pray with fervency for them to feel it in the depths of their beings.
I want everyone, and most especially my children, to know something:
You are wanted.
First, you are wanted by a holy God who chose to create you. He didn't have to intricately and uniquely design you and bring you into existence. It's pretty awesome that the God of EVERYTHING thought of us before we were even born and said, "Hey, you! You're one-of-a-kind."
Also, you are wanted by a perfect Savior who died so you can have an eternal relationship with him. He literally gave away his life with the hope that you would decide to accept his gift of salvation. No one ever died for someone they didn't want.
Lastly, to my kids (including M), I have wanted you all my life. It's like the Lord opened up a new section of my heart when I met you - a section I knew was there but could never access before. I felt J's light-hearted laugh and D's ornery, crooked smile in my spirit. I felt M's perfect, steady gaze of resolute determination. Two of you I carried in my belly, and one of you I've only carried in my arms, but all of you have been carried in my heart from the beginning. The Lord has given all three of you to me for now, so I will continue to carry you until he determines otherwise.
Again, you are wanted. Don't ever believe the lie that you aren't wanted.
Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you all for your love, thoughts, and prayers.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
A Once Normal Life
Baby M has now been our home for 3 weeks! She is eating a lot, sleeping a lot, and starting to smile and roll over. She will be two months old in a few days.
Yesterday I attended a meeting with Baby M and several of the state workers who are assigned to her case. I learned a lot more about the conditions of her removal from her home, and where we are in the process. So, where are we in the process? Right behind one family friend.
That's it.
We, as complete strangers, are second in line to possibly get to keep this precious girl forever! It's seems unreal.
Unfortunately, the facts I learned yesterday left me depressed, sad, and angry. M's mom once lived a normal life - with a job, husband, and kids. However, after some devastating circumstances that she had no control over, M's mom starting making horrible decisions. The Lord reminded me how close we all are to devastation and to resolve NOW (in the good times) to submit to him no matter what. M's mom has had a tough life - emotionally, spiritually, and physically - but because of her decisions all "normalcy" seems to have disappeared from her life now. And it worries me, as a mom, to think if there could be a circumstance that would push me into a downward spiral. However, the Lord doesn't want me (or anyone) to live that way. We're not supposed to worry about tomorrow, but rather rely on him for the strength to do his will today (Matthew 6:24). Lord, help me keep my eyes on today - on Carey's goofy antics, Joe's contagious laughter, Dan's babbled "I love you's", and M's perfectly steady gaze that says, "Thank you."
It appears M's mom never had something that we have: community. She seems to have had at least a little faith, but without community there was no one to support her. I look at our family, friends, and fellow church members and wonder how on earth people survive without other people. This process has shown me the power of community - to hold babies, to give us rest, to help teach our kids about the Lord. Next to our faith, our community of loving supporters is our greatest asset, and we are so grateful for all of you!
My heart cries out to the Lord for M's mom. Will you join me in praying for her? And we certainly thank you for prayers concerning M's permanency. We are seeking the Lord's will for her, and know that prayers make a difference. We need you, friends! Thank you for all your help.
Yesterday I attended a meeting with Baby M and several of the state workers who are assigned to her case. I learned a lot more about the conditions of her removal from her home, and where we are in the process. So, where are we in the process? Right behind one family friend.
That's it.
We, as complete strangers, are second in line to possibly get to keep this precious girl forever! It's seems unreal.
Unfortunately, the facts I learned yesterday left me depressed, sad, and angry. M's mom once lived a normal life - with a job, husband, and kids. However, after some devastating circumstances that she had no control over, M's mom starting making horrible decisions. The Lord reminded me how close we all are to devastation and to resolve NOW (in the good times) to submit to him no matter what. M's mom has had a tough life - emotionally, spiritually, and physically - but because of her decisions all "normalcy" seems to have disappeared from her life now. And it worries me, as a mom, to think if there could be a circumstance that would push me into a downward spiral. However, the Lord doesn't want me (or anyone) to live that way. We're not supposed to worry about tomorrow, but rather rely on him for the strength to do his will today (Matthew 6:24). Lord, help me keep my eyes on today - on Carey's goofy antics, Joe's contagious laughter, Dan's babbled "I love you's", and M's perfectly steady gaze that says, "Thank you."
It appears M's mom never had something that we have: community. She seems to have had at least a little faith, but without community there was no one to support her. I look at our family, friends, and fellow church members and wonder how on earth people survive without other people. This process has shown me the power of community - to hold babies, to give us rest, to help teach our kids about the Lord. Next to our faith, our community of loving supporters is our greatest asset, and we are so grateful for all of you!
My heart cries out to the Lord for M's mom. Will you join me in praying for her? And we certainly thank you for prayers concerning M's permanency. We are seeking the Lord's will for her, and know that prayers make a difference. We need you, friends! Thank you for all your help.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
The Dark Days
In the midst of this new calling, I want people to understand that the days aren't all "rainbows and butterflies!" This is hard. REALLY hard.
Most days I do wake up with so much joy that my heart is overflowing. The Lord gives me strength and peace to renew my commitment each day to the three babies who look to me as Mommy. Ten years ago I would have shuddered to glimpse our current path because of all the required responsibility. However, I know through experiencing some trials that my Jesus is always with me and he equips Carey and I to raise these kids. These are God's babies, and we have the wonderful privilege of being their parents.
However, some days Satan whispers on my heart, "This is too hard. You should give up and give the baby back." His comments are always coupled with my exhaustion and annoyance at the day's challenges. Whenever I forget to submit to Christ, and start down the path of self-reliance, Satan steps in with his lies. I literally have to face palm that sucker straight to the ground, because he can't have a heart that already belongs to Jesus. And Satan wants the kids' hearts too, so that is just completely over my dead body! I know he hates us for what we're doing because he's in the business of tearing families apart (like he's trying to do to our foster baby's family). Some days I do want to give up, but that's when a friend or relative's text encourages me to keep going. And I also remember the many people invested in our foster baby's life who work tirelessly alongside us to care for her. When we need it the most, the Lord sends people to help. Thank you for your help!
I'm good at holding it all together in public, but even this "Dragon Lady" has knock-out-drag-out moments. The biggest lesson I've learned so far, friends, is to let God have even the dark days. Let him have your frustration, your anger, your tears. Because if we can't give him the dark days, then the only one left to take them is the Evil One.
Dark days come, but the goal is not to keep them from arriving. Rather, the goal is to submit to Christ no matter what happens. Be encouraged today, friend!
Most days I do wake up with so much joy that my heart is overflowing. The Lord gives me strength and peace to renew my commitment each day to the three babies who look to me as Mommy. Ten years ago I would have shuddered to glimpse our current path because of all the required responsibility. However, I know through experiencing some trials that my Jesus is always with me and he equips Carey and I to raise these kids. These are God's babies, and we have the wonderful privilege of being their parents.
However, some days Satan whispers on my heart, "This is too hard. You should give up and give the baby back." His comments are always coupled with my exhaustion and annoyance at the day's challenges. Whenever I forget to submit to Christ, and start down the path of self-reliance, Satan steps in with his lies. I literally have to face palm that sucker straight to the ground, because he can't have a heart that already belongs to Jesus. And Satan wants the kids' hearts too, so that is just completely over my dead body! I know he hates us for what we're doing because he's in the business of tearing families apart (like he's trying to do to our foster baby's family). Some days I do want to give up, but that's when a friend or relative's text encourages me to keep going. And I also remember the many people invested in our foster baby's life who work tirelessly alongside us to care for her. When we need it the most, the Lord sends people to help. Thank you for your help!
I'm good at holding it all together in public, but even this "Dragon Lady" has knock-out-drag-out moments. The biggest lesson I've learned so far, friends, is to let God have even the dark days. Let him have your frustration, your anger, your tears. Because if we can't give him the dark days, then the only one left to take them is the Evil One.
Dark days come, but the goal is not to keep them from arriving. Rather, the goal is to submit to Christ no matter what happens. Be encouraged today, friend!
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Our First Week
Well, friends, we've now had a foster baby in the house for a full week! It was quite a culture shock at first to have a newborn again, but we are getting the gist of things now.
Baby M is a sweet little baby, but she's quite small for her age. She loves to eat, though, so we're confident she'll start chunking-out in no time! And, as far as we know, she hasn't been exposed to anything dangerous. We assume, however, that she was neglected for the first few weeks of her life since her biological mom is now incarcerated. Baby M is thriving wonderfully in our home, even with two older foster brothers! :) We are loving the snuggles, her occasional smiles, and sweet time together.
We met M's CASA worker today who is a volunteer court advocate. She will work closely with M's case worker to find possible relatives who can take care of M. In the meantime, we get the honor of pouring love into M's little heart and surrounding her with prayer. Every day we pray that M's biological momma will "get better."
And, yes, we are attached! We want God's will for M's life even if that means we don't get to keep her. And we will for sure set her up as best as we can in the event she goes to live with a family member. This little girl is so precious! I love getting to dress her up in all the frills and bows. :)
The foster brothers are being pretty sweet to M apart from the occasional attempt to poke her in the eye or "love" her a little too rough! Joe is especially fond of her and introduces her as "his sister" even though we constantly tell him that she could go back to her own family soon. But they love her, and it's amazing to see how even little children understand the fragility of a baby. Both the boys are great helpers.
Please pray for us as M has a doctor's appointment on July 2nd and we want to make sure she is catching up in weight. Also, the CASA worker told me they go to court on July 7th to come up with a permanency plan for M. That means our time with M could be done within the next week if a reliable relative is found to care for her. We certainly want what is best for M, but our hearts will be broken if she leaves. Please pray for God's will, courage, and strength no matter what the outcome. There is only one, maybe two, possibilities for M outside of our home, so the chance at adoption is very real. But, again, we want her to be with her own family if it is at all possible.
Thank you all for your tremendous support. We are overwhelmed by the love, gifts, and offers to help. We feel your prayers, and can not express how grateful we are for every mention to the Lord on our behalf.
More to come! Until then, if you have a few minutes, come on over and help me tackle the Laundry Monster. :)
Baby M is a sweet little baby, but she's quite small for her age. She loves to eat, though, so we're confident she'll start chunking-out in no time! And, as far as we know, she hasn't been exposed to anything dangerous. We assume, however, that she was neglected for the first few weeks of her life since her biological mom is now incarcerated. Baby M is thriving wonderfully in our home, even with two older foster brothers! :) We are loving the snuggles, her occasional smiles, and sweet time together.
We met M's CASA worker today who is a volunteer court advocate. She will work closely with M's case worker to find possible relatives who can take care of M. In the meantime, we get the honor of pouring love into M's little heart and surrounding her with prayer. Every day we pray that M's biological momma will "get better."
And, yes, we are attached! We want God's will for M's life even if that means we don't get to keep her. And we will for sure set her up as best as we can in the event she goes to live with a family member. This little girl is so precious! I love getting to dress her up in all the frills and bows. :)
The foster brothers are being pretty sweet to M apart from the occasional attempt to poke her in the eye or "love" her a little too rough! Joe is especially fond of her and introduces her as "his sister" even though we constantly tell him that she could go back to her own family soon. But they love her, and it's amazing to see how even little children understand the fragility of a baby. Both the boys are great helpers.
Please pray for us as M has a doctor's appointment on July 2nd and we want to make sure she is catching up in weight. Also, the CASA worker told me they go to court on July 7th to come up with a permanency plan for M. That means our time with M could be done within the next week if a reliable relative is found to care for her. We certainly want what is best for M, but our hearts will be broken if she leaves. Please pray for God's will, courage, and strength no matter what the outcome. There is only one, maybe two, possibilities for M outside of our home, so the chance at adoption is very real. But, again, we want her to be with her own family if it is at all possible.
Thank you all for your tremendous support. We are overwhelmed by the love, gifts, and offers to help. We feel your prayers, and can not express how grateful we are for every mention to the Lord on our behalf.
More to come! Until then, if you have a few minutes, come on over and help me tackle the Laundry Monster. :)
Friday, June 19, 2015
Any Minute Now
I looked at Carey the other night and said, "It's only been two weeks?! It feels like an eternity!"
We've had our license now for several weeks with no placement. We've received two calls, but both children were too old and lived too far away for us to logistically take care of them. So we wait. Again, we wait.
Two weeks is not that long of a time. I've heard of people going months before getting their first child placement, so we are definitely still on the short end of things. But when you're supposed to be ready at any moment - spiritually, emotionally, and physically - it feels like an eternity. Every morning I wake up and think, "Today could be the day!" I could get a call to go pick up a baby before I finish writing this post.
It's like those hard last months of pregnancy (even though I'm not pregnant). I thought it would be easier, but then I realized at least I'd get a few hours notice if I was pregnant! Just like with our boys, my heart longs for this child. Not because she'll "fill a void," but because God has already revealed to my heart that she's out there and she's ours.
Sometimes I feel like we're being selfish for seeking a baby since we've already had two biological children. But the Lord reminds me it's not about us - it's about her. And God has decided that we are to be her parents regardless of whether or not we can have biological children. He has put the desire for a baby on our hearts because he is the Master Planner. I want to do more to get to her: search more, pray more, work harder as a mom. But the Lord has revealed that this is a time of stillness, and there's nothing else I can do. His timing is perfect, and he is working behind the scenes for our daughter and for our family.
Until we meet her, we pray our daughter will be emotionally and physically protected. We pray for her mother and father and extended family. We pray the Lord will use us to draw others to him through this entire process. And thank you for your continued prayers as well!
We've had our license now for several weeks with no placement. We've received two calls, but both children were too old and lived too far away for us to logistically take care of them. So we wait. Again, we wait.
Two weeks is not that long of a time. I've heard of people going months before getting their first child placement, so we are definitely still on the short end of things. But when you're supposed to be ready at any moment - spiritually, emotionally, and physically - it feels like an eternity. Every morning I wake up and think, "Today could be the day!" I could get a call to go pick up a baby before I finish writing this post.
It's like those hard last months of pregnancy (even though I'm not pregnant). I thought it would be easier, but then I realized at least I'd get a few hours notice if I was pregnant! Just like with our boys, my heart longs for this child. Not because she'll "fill a void," but because God has already revealed to my heart that she's out there and she's ours.
Sometimes I feel like we're being selfish for seeking a baby since we've already had two biological children. But the Lord reminds me it's not about us - it's about her. And God has decided that we are to be her parents regardless of whether or not we can have biological children. He has put the desire for a baby on our hearts because he is the Master Planner. I want to do more to get to her: search more, pray more, work harder as a mom. But the Lord has revealed that this is a time of stillness, and there's nothing else I can do. His timing is perfect, and he is working behind the scenes for our daughter and for our family.
Until we meet her, we pray our daughter will be emotionally and physically protected. We pray for her mother and father and extended family. We pray the Lord will use us to draw others to him through this entire process. And thank you for your continued prayers as well!
Friday, June 5, 2015
We Have Our License!
After six months of meetings, deadlines, paperwork, and prayer we officially have our foster/adoption license!
What happens next: Our names will be placed on the Centralized Placement Vacancy list (CPV) with a note that we are highly motivated to adopt a baby girl. In other words, case workers will know the specifics of our desires and hopefully start giving us calls when a baby girl in our area becomes available. Furthermore, there may already be babies available for adoption, so we are waiting to hear from our FAD worker to see if we can go ahead and start pursuing a specific child. Exciting times!
Meanwhile, I'm finally washing the car seat cover so I can get the darn thing in the van...
When trying to explain to our oldest son, Joseph, that we can now "help the babies," he looked at my tummy and said, "Yeah, there's a baby sister in mommy's tummy." I just want to make it clear, in case he says to someone else, that this IS NOT the case, haha! It's just the way his 3-year-old brain is processing everything. But I smile at his excitement to hopefully, and in God's timing, have a baby sister. We will be able to show our boys so much about God's love through adoption! And, even if something happens and we don't get to adopt a child, we can honestly tell the boys that God's ways are not our ways.
Please continue to pray for us as we will most likely have to make some major decisions going forward. The worst thing I can imagine right now is having numerous children available and trying to decide which ONE (because I want to help them all) God wants to be in our family. Also, please pray for us in the event a special needs child becomes available. We are seeking God's complete will and discernment, which can be scary, but we know he is working out everything according to his plan.
Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow! Our hearts are full with anticipation.
What happens next: Our names will be placed on the Centralized Placement Vacancy list (CPV) with a note that we are highly motivated to adopt a baby girl. In other words, case workers will know the specifics of our desires and hopefully start giving us calls when a baby girl in our area becomes available. Furthermore, there may already be babies available for adoption, so we are waiting to hear from our FAD worker to see if we can go ahead and start pursuing a specific child. Exciting times!
Meanwhile, I'm finally washing the car seat cover so I can get the darn thing in the van...
When trying to explain to our oldest son, Joseph, that we can now "help the babies," he looked at my tummy and said, "Yeah, there's a baby sister in mommy's tummy." I just want to make it clear, in case he says to someone else, that this IS NOT the case, haha! It's just the way his 3-year-old brain is processing everything. But I smile at his excitement to hopefully, and in God's timing, have a baby sister. We will be able to show our boys so much about God's love through adoption! And, even if something happens and we don't get to adopt a child, we can honestly tell the boys that God's ways are not our ways.
Please continue to pray for us as we will most likely have to make some major decisions going forward. The worst thing I can imagine right now is having numerous children available and trying to decide which ONE (because I want to help them all) God wants to be in our family. Also, please pray for us in the event a special needs child becomes available. We are seeking God's complete will and discernment, which can be scary, but we know he is working out everything according to his plan.
Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow! Our hearts are full with anticipation.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Now we wait!
Thankfully, our home study was scheduled last week and it went wonderfully well! The case worker asked questions, briefly looked over our house, and observed our interactions with one another. Before leaving she said, "I think you guys will make wonderful adoptive parents!" And with her statement, a ton of bricks lifted off my shoulders.
The home study application will be turned in to CPS by May 20. Then we wait for a home study panel in our county to approve our application and give us our license. So, we could have a baby in our home as early as June, and we are absolutely thrilled!
But with our anticipation we have heavy hearts: a family has to break apart, or temporarily be apart, for us to receive a child. We don't quite understand all the implications of this brokenness, but we are praying God will use us to share His love and saving grace with the families we meet. And, I think if for some reason I couldn't take care of my children, I would at least be a little comforted that someone else was helping me. We certainly don't expect positive reactions from birth parents, but we hope to affect others' lives for the better and help equip them to lead healthier lives.
Please pray for God's continued preparation of our hearts and minds. We look to Him for guidance, and know He'll provide the strength and perseverance to see this calling to the end!
The home study application will be turned in to CPS by May 20. Then we wait for a home study panel in our county to approve our application and give us our license. So, we could have a baby in our home as early as June, and we are absolutely thrilled!
But with our anticipation we have heavy hearts: a family has to break apart, or temporarily be apart, for us to receive a child. We don't quite understand all the implications of this brokenness, but we are praying God will use us to share His love and saving grace with the families we meet. And, I think if for some reason I couldn't take care of my children, I would at least be a little comforted that someone else was helping me. We certainly don't expect positive reactions from birth parents, but we hope to affect others' lives for the better and help equip them to lead healthier lives.
Please pray for God's continued preparation of our hearts and minds. We look to Him for guidance, and know He'll provide the strength and perseverance to see this calling to the end!
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Frustration, Party of Two
We are at a stand still.
It's now been five weeks since we turned in our completed application to schedule a home study. (That's right - we aren't waiting on our actual home study yet, we are still waiting on it to be scheduled.) For those of you who know me, you can imagine the spiritual strength it has taken to not hound the CPS office for answers. But the Lord keeps saying, "Give it time. Relax and give it time."
We have again reached out to our FAD worker ("Foster Adoptive Home Development"), so hopefully we'll have an answer today. I am also going to reach out to several other couples who took the licensing classes with us to see if they are experiencing the same thing. Waiting to schedule our home study has been the most frustrating thing we have encountered with this process so far, so I guess we should consider ourselves lucky. But we need tons of prayer over this situation!
Please pray for favor with the CPS workers and home study contractor. Also, please pray for patience as we continue to seek the final step in our licensing. We know the Lord works out everything according to His purposes, and we look forward to the further unveiling of His plan!
It's now been five weeks since we turned in our completed application to schedule a home study. (That's right - we aren't waiting on our actual home study yet, we are still waiting on it to be scheduled.) For those of you who know me, you can imagine the spiritual strength it has taken to not hound the CPS office for answers. But the Lord keeps saying, "Give it time. Relax and give it time."
We have again reached out to our FAD worker ("Foster Adoptive Home Development"), so hopefully we'll have an answer today. I am also going to reach out to several other couples who took the licensing classes with us to see if they are experiencing the same thing. Waiting to schedule our home study has been the most frustrating thing we have encountered with this process so far, so I guess we should consider ourselves lucky. But we need tons of prayer over this situation!
Please pray for favor with the CPS workers and home study contractor. Also, please pray for patience as we continue to seek the final step in our licensing. We know the Lord works out everything according to His purposes, and we look forward to the further unveiling of His plan!
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
The Van
When I was younger, my mother always drove a minivan. I mean always. And I didn't mind as long as it didn't stall out in the middle of our town's 4-way stop (yes, that happened). The thing is, my parents are very frugal, and while that is an excellent character trait, it took a toll on my selfish teenager psyche. And somehow my negative attitude about minivans carried over into adulthood.
"I'll never drive a minivan," I said. We scouted out prices for 7-passenger vehicles for months. I told Carey I didn't even want to test drive a minivan, secretly being afraid that I'd somehow be sucked into the minivan vortex. Everything else was so expensive, though. I prayed, "Lord, just please take care of this. Show us your provision and make it impossible to miss." Well, as always, He showed up.
Friends of my brother-in-law were selling their van. I didn't really want to know the vehicle's information, but thought I'd ask so we could at least rule it out. And then the details were given. My jaw fell open when I saw the price (after all our research, I knew it was several thousand dollars cheaper than other vans from the same make, model and mileage). "Here's your MINIVAN," God said.
And, to add insult to injury to my pride, the minivan is the same make, model, and year as my mother's current vehicle. (Think God doesn't have a sense of humor?) After realizing this was our vehicle, undeniably provided by God, I accepted the hard truth: I was going to be a minivan mom. But now I know it's a compliment! When I think of all the people I know who drive minivans, I am honored to join their company.
I'm ashamed to admit that I thought I was "too good" to drive a minivan. I mean, where does that kind of stupidity come from - that one is "above" driving a certain vehicle?! Mine came from pride, that glorious character trait that does so much good for us (yeah, right). Once again, I've seen that my plans are nowhere near God's plans, and too often I am prone to missing God's blessings because I won't stop acting like an idiot. I'm thankful He's put me in my place yet again.
So, don't you worry about us. We will be driving that minivan in style with ample room for our groceries, gear, AND kids! And if you feel the urge to "snub" us for becoming a minivan family, then just be careful: Minivans have a way of wooing your affections.
Soon I'll be sporting a "I used to be cool" bumper sticker. But I think we can all agree I probably lost that a long time ago anyway...
"I'll never drive a minivan," I said. We scouted out prices for 7-passenger vehicles for months. I told Carey I didn't even want to test drive a minivan, secretly being afraid that I'd somehow be sucked into the minivan vortex. Everything else was so expensive, though. I prayed, "Lord, just please take care of this. Show us your provision and make it impossible to miss." Well, as always, He showed up.
Friends of my brother-in-law were selling their van. I didn't really want to know the vehicle's information, but thought I'd ask so we could at least rule it out. And then the details were given. My jaw fell open when I saw the price (after all our research, I knew it was several thousand dollars cheaper than other vans from the same make, model and mileage). "Here's your MINIVAN," God said.
And, to add insult to injury to my pride, the minivan is the same make, model, and year as my mother's current vehicle. (Think God doesn't have a sense of humor?) After realizing this was our vehicle, undeniably provided by God, I accepted the hard truth: I was going to be a minivan mom. But now I know it's a compliment! When I think of all the people I know who drive minivans, I am honored to join their company.
I'm ashamed to admit that I thought I was "too good" to drive a minivan. I mean, where does that kind of stupidity come from - that one is "above" driving a certain vehicle?! Mine came from pride, that glorious character trait that does so much good for us (yeah, right). Once again, I've seen that my plans are nowhere near God's plans, and too often I am prone to missing God's blessings because I won't stop acting like an idiot. I'm thankful He's put me in my place yet again.
So, don't you worry about us. We will be driving that minivan in style with ample room for our groceries, gear, AND kids! And if you feel the urge to "snub" us for becoming a minivan family, then just be careful: Minivans have a way of wooing your affections.
Soon I'll be sporting a "I used to be cool" bumper sticker. But I think we can all agree I probably lost that a long time ago anyway...
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Honest Q&A
Why are you adopting?
Because God adopted us! :) Also, because we felt called to adopt even before we were married, so the Lord had already put it on both of our hearts. While the timing never worked out before (either one of us wasn't ready or we ended up being pregnant...SURPRISE!), God has affirmed this as the right time to continue our adoption efforts. Even if something happens and we still don't get to adopt, we trust that God works everything out for His purposes.
Why did you choose fostering-to-adopt through the state?
After exploring several options such as domestic, international, and foster adoptions, we felt God leading us toward fostering-to-adopt. Also, adoption is not cheap, so that also had a factor in our decision. We simply do not have thousands of dollars to spend by going through a private agency or pursuing international adoption. We are not ruling out those possibilities for the future, but we simply felt assured that our adoption attempt at this specific time should be done through the state based on God's guidance and our financial capabilities. In addition, the tremendous need for adoptive families in Texas alone is overwhelming: nearly 29,000 kids are in foster care and almost 11,000 of them are available for adoption. These are kids in our "back yard!" We have the conviction that we can't truly help kids who are far away if we won't first try to help those in our own community.
If you can have biological children, then why would you adopt?
First, we believe that children are a blessing from God regardless of how He brings them into our family. Children are not accessories in our lives, they are treasures who need Godly parents to guide them into becoming believing, obedient, and serving adults. This is a calling for us. In fact, no one should adopt if it isn't a calling. "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more. (end of Luke 12:48, NASB)" So, our spiritual calling along with the tremendous need for adoptive families is why we are adopting.
Are you doing this for the money?
Anyone who is familiar with the foster care system knows that foster parents receive a reimbursement for each day they care for a foster child (even if you are in the process of adopting a foster child). The current amount per day for a child with no specialized needs is $23.10. When you put that into terms of food, clothing, shelter, education expenses, etc, there's no way we'd have any money left over. So, NO we are not doing it for the money! The reimbursement is there to help alleviate some of the financial strain associated with caring for additional children, but it could never account for every expense. While there is a stigma associated with foster care ("Doing it for the money"), we are confident that others will observe that we are doing it for the right reasons.
Are all foster kids "bad"?
No. That certainly is the stereotype, though. A more appropriate question would be, "Are all foster kids challenging?" Children are pulled from their families most often due to some type of abuse and/or neglect. Also, when the children come to a foster family it is because no other reliable relative (or even friend of the family) is able or willing to care for them. When you combine abuse and neglect with the fact that no one seems to "want" these kids, then, yes, there are challenges. But there are also challenges with raising biological children.
How will you protect your small children from a foster child who has experienced neglect and/or abuse?
This has probably been the biggest concern voiced by others, and we value your input! Yes, we have thought long and hard as to how we will protect our biological children through this process. We originally thought we'd seek to adopt a child a few years older than our 3-year-old, but through prayer and wisdom from others, God has changed our hearts for the age we will seek. We will accept newborns in our home even though there would only be a 20% chance to adopt (at best). A newborn will certainly require a lot of time, but there will be no threat of physical harm or inappropriate behavior toward our current children. There will certainly still be some behaviors from the foster child that will affect our boys, but we will be able to contain those behaviors a little better with a smaller child. Also, we are excited at the possibility to minister to birth families by taking good care of their children and hopefully getting to form meaningful and Christ-centered relationships that last beyond a foster care or adoption placement.
What help do you need?
PRAYER!!! Please lift us up in prayer as we seek to be obedient to God's calling. And bear with us - we aren't perfect parents now and we surely won't be perfect parents with a foster/adopted child, so please give us (and our children) patience. We need calls and emails of encouragement and to be (nicely) put in our place or questioned if we aren't thinking straight. We need hugs and Godly advice and listening ears when we are frustrated. And, understandably, we will need breaks (even as we do now) where we - Carey and I - can just be together without children around! So we will also accept babysitters and prepared meals... :)
What other information do we need to know?
A child in our home is exclusively considered to be "ours," regardless of being biological, foster, or adopted. Therefore, if you wouldn't say/do something to one of our boys, then certainly don't do it to our foster/adopted child. We will do our best to be fair in all our dealings with the children. However, we understand that every child is unique and may require alternate/additional methods in their discipline. We also understand that by bringing a foster/adoptive child into our lives they are automatically included in yours as well. We don't expect you to be overly welcome to the idea of fostering or even adopting - we simply ask that you voice your concerns to us in a private manner and certainly not directed toward any of the children. We want the lines of communication to be open in a loving and unified manner. Also, we LOVE you! Thank you for your support - we are blessed to have such an awesome support team.
Because God adopted us! :) Also, because we felt called to adopt even before we were married, so the Lord had already put it on both of our hearts. While the timing never worked out before (either one of us wasn't ready or we ended up being pregnant...SURPRISE!), God has affirmed this as the right time to continue our adoption efforts. Even if something happens and we still don't get to adopt, we trust that God works everything out for His purposes.
Why did you choose fostering-to-adopt through the state?
After exploring several options such as domestic, international, and foster adoptions, we felt God leading us toward fostering-to-adopt. Also, adoption is not cheap, so that also had a factor in our decision. We simply do not have thousands of dollars to spend by going through a private agency or pursuing international adoption. We are not ruling out those possibilities for the future, but we simply felt assured that our adoption attempt at this specific time should be done through the state based on God's guidance and our financial capabilities. In addition, the tremendous need for adoptive families in Texas alone is overwhelming: nearly 29,000 kids are in foster care and almost 11,000 of them are available for adoption. These are kids in our "back yard!" We have the conviction that we can't truly help kids who are far away if we won't first try to help those in our own community.
If you can have biological children, then why would you adopt?
First, we believe that children are a blessing from God regardless of how He brings them into our family. Children are not accessories in our lives, they are treasures who need Godly parents to guide them into becoming believing, obedient, and serving adults. This is a calling for us. In fact, no one should adopt if it isn't a calling. "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more. (end of Luke 12:48, NASB)" So, our spiritual calling along with the tremendous need for adoptive families is why we are adopting.
Are you doing this for the money?
Anyone who is familiar with the foster care system knows that foster parents receive a reimbursement for each day they care for a foster child (even if you are in the process of adopting a foster child). The current amount per day for a child with no specialized needs is $23.10. When you put that into terms of food, clothing, shelter, education expenses, etc, there's no way we'd have any money left over. So, NO we are not doing it for the money! The reimbursement is there to help alleviate some of the financial strain associated with caring for additional children, but it could never account for every expense. While there is a stigma associated with foster care ("Doing it for the money"), we are confident that others will observe that we are doing it for the right reasons.
Are all foster kids "bad"?
No. That certainly is the stereotype, though. A more appropriate question would be, "Are all foster kids challenging?" Children are pulled from their families most often due to some type of abuse and/or neglect. Also, when the children come to a foster family it is because no other reliable relative (or even friend of the family) is able or willing to care for them. When you combine abuse and neglect with the fact that no one seems to "want" these kids, then, yes, there are challenges. But there are also challenges with raising biological children.
How will you protect your small children from a foster child who has experienced neglect and/or abuse?
This has probably been the biggest concern voiced by others, and we value your input! Yes, we have thought long and hard as to how we will protect our biological children through this process. We originally thought we'd seek to adopt a child a few years older than our 3-year-old, but through prayer and wisdom from others, God has changed our hearts for the age we will seek. We will accept newborns in our home even though there would only be a 20% chance to adopt (at best). A newborn will certainly require a lot of time, but there will be no threat of physical harm or inappropriate behavior toward our current children. There will certainly still be some behaviors from the foster child that will affect our boys, but we will be able to contain those behaviors a little better with a smaller child. Also, we are excited at the possibility to minister to birth families by taking good care of their children and hopefully getting to form meaningful and Christ-centered relationships that last beyond a foster care or adoption placement.
What help do you need?
PRAYER!!! Please lift us up in prayer as we seek to be obedient to God's calling. And bear with us - we aren't perfect parents now and we surely won't be perfect parents with a foster/adopted child, so please give us (and our children) patience. We need calls and emails of encouragement and to be (nicely) put in our place or questioned if we aren't thinking straight. We need hugs and Godly advice and listening ears when we are frustrated. And, understandably, we will need breaks (even as we do now) where we - Carey and I - can just be together without children around! So we will also accept babysitters and prepared meals... :)
What other information do we need to know?
A child in our home is exclusively considered to be "ours," regardless of being biological, foster, or adopted. Therefore, if you wouldn't say/do something to one of our boys, then certainly don't do it to our foster/adopted child. We will do our best to be fair in all our dealings with the children. However, we understand that every child is unique and may require alternate/additional methods in their discipline. We also understand that by bringing a foster/adoptive child into our lives they are automatically included in yours as well. We don't expect you to be overly welcome to the idea of fostering or even adopting - we simply ask that you voice your concerns to us in a private manner and certainly not directed toward any of the children. We want the lines of communication to be open in a loving and unified manner. Also, we LOVE you! Thank you for your support - we are blessed to have such an awesome support team.
Friday, February 13, 2015
We're Adopting!
So, we have been up to something that not many people know: We are preparing to adopt!
After several years of waiting on God's timing, praying, attending adoption conferences, and seeking advice, we are in the paperwork stage of fostering-to-adopt through the state of Texas. While we understand that adoption is usually a lengthy process and can have many setbacks, we are thrilled to finally be taking concrete steps in the adoption direction.
Since we know many of our friends and family (and even strangers) may want to keep up with our family's journey, we will be updating this blog. Which brings us to the title, "Journey to Grace." The first and foremost reason we are adopting is because Christ showed us grace when he willingly gave up His life so we could receive salvation. And, as if that's not good enough, God adopts us as heirs with Christ when we repent and choose to believe in Him! This about sums it up:
Romans 8:14-17
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
So, because we have been given grace, we want to extend grace to the child who becomes a permanent part of our family! And, even if we foster kids that aren't available for adoption, we will extend grace to their families as a way to minister and show Christ's love. This is our "Journey to Grace."
One of the most beautiful things any family can do is accept a child into their home who otherwise wouldn't have a family who can love, nurture, protect, and, most of all, introduce the gospel to them. We hope to be that family for a child! While we know the journey will be long, hard, and sometimes overwhelming, we will look to the one who first adopted us and cry, "Abba, Father!" If God can send His perfect son to die for us, then we can open up our lives to a needy child.
Please pray for God's continued provision, guidance, and affirmation through this process. We hold each of our family members, friends, and fellow believers close to our hearts and know that their prayers on our behalf will sustain us. Thank you, dear ones, for your prayers!
There will be more to come! :)
After several years of waiting on God's timing, praying, attending adoption conferences, and seeking advice, we are in the paperwork stage of fostering-to-adopt through the state of Texas. While we understand that adoption is usually a lengthy process and can have many setbacks, we are thrilled to finally be taking concrete steps in the adoption direction.
Since we know many of our friends and family (and even strangers) may want to keep up with our family's journey, we will be updating this blog. Which brings us to the title, "Journey to Grace." The first and foremost reason we are adopting is because Christ showed us grace when he willingly gave up His life so we could receive salvation. And, as if that's not good enough, God adopts us as heirs with Christ when we repent and choose to believe in Him! This about sums it up:
Romans 8:14-17
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
So, because we have been given grace, we want to extend grace to the child who becomes a permanent part of our family! And, even if we foster kids that aren't available for adoption, we will extend grace to their families as a way to minister and show Christ's love. This is our "Journey to Grace."
One of the most beautiful things any family can do is accept a child into their home who otherwise wouldn't have a family who can love, nurture, protect, and, most of all, introduce the gospel to them. We hope to be that family for a child! While we know the journey will be long, hard, and sometimes overwhelming, we will look to the one who first adopted us and cry, "Abba, Father!" If God can send His perfect son to die for us, then we can open up our lives to a needy child.
Please pray for God's continued provision, guidance, and affirmation through this process. We hold each of our family members, friends, and fellow believers close to our hearts and know that their prayers on our behalf will sustain us. Thank you, dear ones, for your prayers!
There will be more to come! :)
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