I'm glad the Lord has placed Carey and I in a position to help care for precious M. It really gives James 1:27 a deeper meaning for us: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I find the word "and" amazing in the last part of this verse - caring for others and accepting the charge to deny the world go hand-in-hand. You can't truly care for others without denying earthly desires (and vice versa). There have been times in my life when I have missed the opportunity to care for others because I was too obsessed with myself, but I pray to never return to that miserable existence. And I say it with respect, but I'm wondering if this is where M's mom finds herself. My prayer is the Lord draws her out of her self-destruction, like he did for me, before it's too late.
When I look at our kids I wonder, "Do you know you are wanted?" Being wanted and feeling wanted are two totally different things. And I want my kids to feel wanted - first and foremost by God, but also by us. So we pour love and grace into their lives and pray with fervency for them to feel it in the depths of their beings.
I want everyone, and most especially my children, to know something:
You are wanted.
First, you are wanted by a holy God who chose to create you. He didn't have to intricately and uniquely design you and bring you into existence. It's pretty awesome that the God of EVERYTHING thought of us before we were even born and said, "Hey, you! You're one-of-a-kind."
Also, you are wanted by a perfect Savior who died so you can have an eternal relationship with him. He literally gave away his life with the hope that you would decide to accept his gift of salvation. No one ever died for someone they didn't want.
Lastly, to my kids (including M), I have wanted you all my life. It's like the Lord opened up a new section of my heart when I met you - a section I knew was there but could never access before. I felt J's light-hearted laugh and D's ornery, crooked smile in my spirit. I felt M's perfect, steady gaze of resolute determination. Two of you I carried in my belly, and one of you I've only carried in my arms, but all of you have been carried in my heart from the beginning. The Lord has given all three of you to me for now, so I will continue to carry you until he determines otherwise.
Again, you are wanted. Don't ever believe the lie that you aren't wanted.
Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you all for your love, thoughts, and prayers.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Thursday, July 16, 2015
A Once Normal Life
Baby M has now been our home for 3 weeks! She is eating a lot, sleeping a lot, and starting to smile and roll over. She will be two months old in a few days.
Yesterday I attended a meeting with Baby M and several of the state workers who are assigned to her case. I learned a lot more about the conditions of her removal from her home, and where we are in the process. So, where are we in the process? Right behind one family friend.
That's it.
We, as complete strangers, are second in line to possibly get to keep this precious girl forever! It's seems unreal.
Unfortunately, the facts I learned yesterday left me depressed, sad, and angry. M's mom once lived a normal life - with a job, husband, and kids. However, after some devastating circumstances that she had no control over, M's mom starting making horrible decisions. The Lord reminded me how close we all are to devastation and to resolve NOW (in the good times) to submit to him no matter what. M's mom has had a tough life - emotionally, spiritually, and physically - but because of her decisions all "normalcy" seems to have disappeared from her life now. And it worries me, as a mom, to think if there could be a circumstance that would push me into a downward spiral. However, the Lord doesn't want me (or anyone) to live that way. We're not supposed to worry about tomorrow, but rather rely on him for the strength to do his will today (Matthew 6:24). Lord, help me keep my eyes on today - on Carey's goofy antics, Joe's contagious laughter, Dan's babbled "I love you's", and M's perfectly steady gaze that says, "Thank you."
It appears M's mom never had something that we have: community. She seems to have had at least a little faith, but without community there was no one to support her. I look at our family, friends, and fellow church members and wonder how on earth people survive without other people. This process has shown me the power of community - to hold babies, to give us rest, to help teach our kids about the Lord. Next to our faith, our community of loving supporters is our greatest asset, and we are so grateful for all of you!
My heart cries out to the Lord for M's mom. Will you join me in praying for her? And we certainly thank you for prayers concerning M's permanency. We are seeking the Lord's will for her, and know that prayers make a difference. We need you, friends! Thank you for all your help.
Yesterday I attended a meeting with Baby M and several of the state workers who are assigned to her case. I learned a lot more about the conditions of her removal from her home, and where we are in the process. So, where are we in the process? Right behind one family friend.
That's it.
We, as complete strangers, are second in line to possibly get to keep this precious girl forever! It's seems unreal.
Unfortunately, the facts I learned yesterday left me depressed, sad, and angry. M's mom once lived a normal life - with a job, husband, and kids. However, after some devastating circumstances that she had no control over, M's mom starting making horrible decisions. The Lord reminded me how close we all are to devastation and to resolve NOW (in the good times) to submit to him no matter what. M's mom has had a tough life - emotionally, spiritually, and physically - but because of her decisions all "normalcy" seems to have disappeared from her life now. And it worries me, as a mom, to think if there could be a circumstance that would push me into a downward spiral. However, the Lord doesn't want me (or anyone) to live that way. We're not supposed to worry about tomorrow, but rather rely on him for the strength to do his will today (Matthew 6:24). Lord, help me keep my eyes on today - on Carey's goofy antics, Joe's contagious laughter, Dan's babbled "I love you's", and M's perfectly steady gaze that says, "Thank you."
It appears M's mom never had something that we have: community. She seems to have had at least a little faith, but without community there was no one to support her. I look at our family, friends, and fellow church members and wonder how on earth people survive without other people. This process has shown me the power of community - to hold babies, to give us rest, to help teach our kids about the Lord. Next to our faith, our community of loving supporters is our greatest asset, and we are so grateful for all of you!
My heart cries out to the Lord for M's mom. Will you join me in praying for her? And we certainly thank you for prayers concerning M's permanency. We are seeking the Lord's will for her, and know that prayers make a difference. We need you, friends! Thank you for all your help.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
The Dark Days
In the midst of this new calling, I want people to understand that the days aren't all "rainbows and butterflies!" This is hard. REALLY hard.
Most days I do wake up with so much joy that my heart is overflowing. The Lord gives me strength and peace to renew my commitment each day to the three babies who look to me as Mommy. Ten years ago I would have shuddered to glimpse our current path because of all the required responsibility. However, I know through experiencing some trials that my Jesus is always with me and he equips Carey and I to raise these kids. These are God's babies, and we have the wonderful privilege of being their parents.
However, some days Satan whispers on my heart, "This is too hard. You should give up and give the baby back." His comments are always coupled with my exhaustion and annoyance at the day's challenges. Whenever I forget to submit to Christ, and start down the path of self-reliance, Satan steps in with his lies. I literally have to face palm that sucker straight to the ground, because he can't have a heart that already belongs to Jesus. And Satan wants the kids' hearts too, so that is just completely over my dead body! I know he hates us for what we're doing because he's in the business of tearing families apart (like he's trying to do to our foster baby's family). Some days I do want to give up, but that's when a friend or relative's text encourages me to keep going. And I also remember the many people invested in our foster baby's life who work tirelessly alongside us to care for her. When we need it the most, the Lord sends people to help. Thank you for your help!
I'm good at holding it all together in public, but even this "Dragon Lady" has knock-out-drag-out moments. The biggest lesson I've learned so far, friends, is to let God have even the dark days. Let him have your frustration, your anger, your tears. Because if we can't give him the dark days, then the only one left to take them is the Evil One.
Dark days come, but the goal is not to keep them from arriving. Rather, the goal is to submit to Christ no matter what happens. Be encouraged today, friend!
Most days I do wake up with so much joy that my heart is overflowing. The Lord gives me strength and peace to renew my commitment each day to the three babies who look to me as Mommy. Ten years ago I would have shuddered to glimpse our current path because of all the required responsibility. However, I know through experiencing some trials that my Jesus is always with me and he equips Carey and I to raise these kids. These are God's babies, and we have the wonderful privilege of being their parents.
However, some days Satan whispers on my heart, "This is too hard. You should give up and give the baby back." His comments are always coupled with my exhaustion and annoyance at the day's challenges. Whenever I forget to submit to Christ, and start down the path of self-reliance, Satan steps in with his lies. I literally have to face palm that sucker straight to the ground, because he can't have a heart that already belongs to Jesus. And Satan wants the kids' hearts too, so that is just completely over my dead body! I know he hates us for what we're doing because he's in the business of tearing families apart (like he's trying to do to our foster baby's family). Some days I do want to give up, but that's when a friend or relative's text encourages me to keep going. And I also remember the many people invested in our foster baby's life who work tirelessly alongside us to care for her. When we need it the most, the Lord sends people to help. Thank you for your help!
I'm good at holding it all together in public, but even this "Dragon Lady" has knock-out-drag-out moments. The biggest lesson I've learned so far, friends, is to let God have even the dark days. Let him have your frustration, your anger, your tears. Because if we can't give him the dark days, then the only one left to take them is the Evil One.
Dark days come, but the goal is not to keep them from arriving. Rather, the goal is to submit to Christ no matter what happens. Be encouraged today, friend!
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