Honest Q&A

Why are you adopting?
Because God adopted us! :) Also, because we felt called to adopt even before we were married, so the Lord had already put it on both of our hearts. While the timing never worked out before (either one of us wasn't ready or we ended up being pregnant...SURPRISE!), God has affirmed this as the right time to continue our adoption efforts. Even if something happens and we still don't get to adopt, we trust that God works everything out for His purposes.

Why did you choose fostering-to-adopt through the state?
After exploring several options such as domestic, international, and foster adoptions, we felt God leading us toward fostering-to-adopt. Also, adoption is not cheap, so that also had a factor in our decision. We simply do not have thousands of dollars to spend by going through a private agency or pursuing international adoption. We are not ruling out those possibilities for the future, but we simply felt assured that our adoption attempt at this specific time should be done through the state based on God's guidance and our financial capabilities. In addition, the tremendous need for adoptive families in Texas alone is overwhelming: nearly 29,000 kids are in foster care and almost 11,000 of them are available for adoption. These are kids in our "back yard!" We have the conviction that we can't truly help kids who are far away if we won't first try to help those in our own community.

If you can have biological children, then why would you adopt?
First, we believe that children are a blessing from God regardless of how He brings them into our family. Children are not accessories in our lives, they are treasures who need Godly parents to guide them into becoming believing, obedient, and serving adults. This is a calling for us. In fact, no one should adopt if it isn't a calling.  "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more. (end of Luke 12:48, NASB)" So, our spiritual calling along with the tremendous need for adoptive families is why we are adopting.

Are you doing this for the money?
Anyone who is familiar with the foster care system knows that foster parents receive a reimbursement for each day they care for a foster child (even if you are in the process of adopting a foster child). The current amount per day for a child with no specialized needs is $23.10. When you put that into terms of food, clothing, shelter, education expenses, etc, there's no way we'd have any money left over. So, NO we are not doing it for the money! The reimbursement is there to help alleviate some of the financial strain associated with caring for additional children, but it could never account for every expense. While there is a stigma associated with foster care ("Doing it for the money"), we are confident that  others will observe that we are doing it for the right reasons.

Are all foster kids "bad"?
No. That certainly is the stereotype, though. A more appropriate question would be, "Are all foster kids challenging?" Children are pulled from their families most often due to some type of abuse and/or neglect. Also, when the children come to a foster family it is because no other reliable relative (or even friend of the family) is able or willing to care for them. When you combine abuse and neglect with the fact that no one seems to "want" these kids, then, yes, there are challenges. But there are also challenges with raising biological children.

How will you protect your small children from a foster child who has experienced neglect and/or abuse? 
This has probably been the biggest concern voiced by others, and we value your input! Yes, we have thought long and hard as to how we will protect our biological children through this process. We originally thought we'd seek to adopt a child a few years older than our 3-year-old, but through prayer and wisdom from others, God has changed our hearts for the age we will seek. We will accept newborns in our home even though there would only be a 20% chance to adopt (at best). A newborn will certainly require a lot of time, but there will be no threat of physical harm or inappropriate behavior toward our current children. There will certainly still be some behaviors from the foster child that will affect our boys, but we will be able to contain those behaviors a little better with a smaller child. Also, we are excited at the possibility to minister to birth families by taking good care of their children and hopefully getting to form meaningful and Christ-centered relationships that last beyond a foster care or adoption placement.

What help do you need?
PRAYER!!! Please lift us up in prayer as we seek to be obedient to God's calling. And bear with us - we aren't perfect parents now and we surely won't be perfect parents with a foster/adopted child, so please give us (and our children) patience. We need calls and emails of encouragement and to be (nicely) put in our place or questioned if we aren't thinking straight. We need hugs and Godly advice and listening ears when we are frustrated. And, understandably, we will need breaks (even as we do now) where we - Carey and I - can just be together without children around! So we will also accept babysitters and prepared meals... :)

What other information do we need to know?
A child in our home is exclusively considered to be "ours," regardless of being biological, foster, or adopted. Therefore, if you wouldn't say/do something to one of our boys, then certainly don't do it to our foster/adopted child. We will do our best to be fair in all our dealings with the children. However, we understand that every child is unique and may require alternate/additional methods in their discipline. We also understand that by bringing a foster/adoptive child into our lives they are automatically included in yours as well. We don't expect you to be overly welcome to the idea of fostering or even adopting - we simply ask that you voice your concerns to us in a private manner and certainly not directed toward any of the children. We want the lines of communication to be open in a loving and unified manner. Also, we LOVE you! Thank you for your support - we are blessed to have such an awesome support team.

We're Adopting!

So, we have been up to something that not many people know: We are preparing to adopt!

After several years of waiting on God's timing, praying, attending adoption conferences, and seeking advice, we are in the paperwork stage of fostering-to-adopt through the state of Texas. While we understand that adoption is usually a lengthy process and can have many setbacks, we are thrilled to finally be taking concrete steps in the adoption direction.

Since we know many of our friends and family (and even strangers) may want to keep up with our family's journey, we will be updating this blog. Which brings us to the title, "Journey to Grace." The first and foremost reason we are adopting is because Christ showed us grace when he willingly gave up His life so we could receive salvation. And, as if that's not good enough, God adopts us as heirs with Christ when we repent and choose to believe in Him! This about sums it up:

Romans 8:14-17
¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

So, because we have been given grace, we want to extend grace to the child who becomes a permanent part of our family! And, even if we foster kids that aren't available for adoption, we will extend grace to their families as a way to minister and show Christ's love. This is our "Journey to Grace."

One of the most beautiful things any family can do is accept a child into their home who otherwise wouldn't have a family who can love, nurture, protect, and, most of all, introduce the gospel to them. We hope to be that family for a child! While we know the journey will be long, hard, and sometimes overwhelming, we will look to the one who first adopted us and cry, "Abba, Father!" If God can send His perfect son to die for us, then we can open up our lives to a needy child.

Please pray for God's continued provision, guidance, and affirmation through this process. We hold each of our family members, friends, and fellow believers close to our hearts and know that their prayers on our behalf will sustain us. Thank you, dear ones, for your prayers!

There will be more to come! :)